You got married to change your life, but now you've realized that the negatives far outweigh the positives. If you have found that your partner assumes an attitude of superiority too often, both in private life and in public, this behavior must not only be addressed, but also corrected once and for all. Marriage cannot survive if one person feels more powerful than the other or looks down on them. Recognize the signs early and take immediate action to resolve the situation.
Steps
Step 1. Determine if your partner has really changed or just you are tired of her attitude
Did these airs of superiority exist before or did they only begin to manifest themselves after marriage? Understanding whether it is a persistent habit or a recent attitude will help you identify the problem and better understand how to deal with it.
- Has your partner changed completely after marriage? You probably couldn't look at her objectively, didn't see her flaws, or she only tried to hide her downsides at an early stage in order to get married. In any case, it is important to understand why she changed after the fateful "yes" to determine if this behavior is potentially persistent.
- Is a new job affecting your behavior? Work stress, or waiting for a promotion, could have a very strong impact even on the most stable and balanced people.
- Did something happen in your life as a couple that upset the relationship between you? Now that the confidence between you has increased, have his airs of superiority been accentuated as well? Maybe at first you could tolerate the situation, but now you are starting to feel tired.
Step 2. Determine if the partner always behaves like this, or if her attitude changes according to the situations or topics touched upon
Isolating specific events will help you understand whether it is a stable habit or individual circumstances.
- Think about his job. Does your partner believe that arrogance is a display of power and personal affirmation? Does he behave the same way at work, in front of his colleagues, subordinates, superiors, and even in front of the boss? What kind of comments do you make to them? Does he start attacking you every time you try to get her back, give her advice, or ask her how was your day?
- Think about your job. Does the partner feel intimidated, or embarrassed, by your job position? Could his rude and malevolent attitudes hide his true feelings about it? Does he offend and belittle you only in private or does he allow himself to do so in front of your boss, or your employees?
- Think about both family and friends. Have you noticed that you always have to lower your head in his presence, and that he belittles you in front of loved ones? Do you always feel pushed aside by your partner whenever she is in the company of her family or friends?
Step 3. Find out if your partner is aware of her attitudes, see if she repeats the same grumpy behavior with others
If he's a snooty person with everyone, then it's probably his true personality. Instead, determine if it is a momentary reaction due to insecurities that it tries to compensate with an aggressive attitude, without realizing how harmful it is to others.
- Does your partner keep talking to you even after offending you and acting like nothing has happened? In this case, he may not be aware of his inappropriate attitude.
- Does your partner behave the same to everyone or are you just the target of her arrogance? If she is sarcastic and this is part of her personality, she will probably think that certain behaviors make her even attractive. He may not realize at all that his comments are heavy or offensive, not funny.
- Are your offensive attitudes triggered by a particular topic? Maybe you just repeat the same thing and your partner got tired of listening to it. For example, maybe you only ever talk about your experience with parenthood. Every time you bring up the issue, your partner rolls her eyes, letting you know in a non-verbal way that she is sick of hearing this story. Perhaps she reacts with negative comments to a specific topic in an exaggerated way because she is deeply annoyed by it. Instead of approaching you and just telling you to be a little annoyed, does she make some vitriolic comments?
Step 4. Think about what might be the right time to argue with your partner
Wait until your anger is gone, it is always better to let the hottest situations cool down to avoid making mistakes that you regret.
- Confront your partner shortly after being offended or attacked by her. If you let too much time pass, the incident will be forgotten and the details will become confusing. Sit next to her shortly after it happened and try to address the subject together before it's too late to remember.
- Find the right situation, wait for a moment when no one is present, not even your children or married best friends. Don't talk about it in front of your friends, you will look like the victim, and your partner the ruthless perpetrator. Solving problems face to face is always the wisest choice.
- Talk to your partner in a moment when she is free from the stress of work. Do not start the discussion when he is under tension or still has commitments to do. Wait for the moment when he is home and the children are already sleeping. It will be the best time to set things straight, and maybe resolve the situation and relax with a glass of wine.
Step 5. Speak your thoughts quietly and in a calm tone of voice
Don't blame yourself for her behavior, but let her know that her arrogance has caused you sadness, hurt you, and you're suffering from it (explain how her attitude makes you feel, don't attack her directly).
- Use some examples to explain the situation. Explain recent events, accurately remember situations, reactions, what was done or said. Talk about a circumstance that you will both remember clearly. Avoid choosing an example that neither of you will be able to carefully rework, as the details will be confusing.
- Remind your partner that her behavior is heavily affecting your marriage. Don't play the victim and don't point your finger at her. Calmly explain how you feel, tell her that your self-esteem is hurting and that you sometimes feel anger at her.
- Ask your partner how she really feels when she utters certain words or engages in abusive attitudes. For example, if he attacks you the moment he discovers that your child is ill, his worries and fears may be behind his inappropriate reaction. Try to understand what she thinks and what goes through her mind when she starts to misbehave with you. Obviously, his attitude is not fair, but knowing the reason will help you solve the problem.
Step 6. Establish an action plan together
The best way to handle this kind of situation is to fight it together. To prevent the problem from ruining the harmony of your marriage and questioning your future together, try to work together to achieve a common goal.
- Identify more risky situations where your partner is more likely to bring out that side of herself. For example, maybe she completely hates your mother's interference, or she gets nervous when you go out to dinner with her boss. Once you have identified the times when he might react inappropriately, try to prevent the problem together.
- Think about behaviors that you too can change. Do some things you do trigger your partner's aggression? When you say certain phrases in particular, do you realize that you immediately receive negative comments? Identify these triggers and try to prevent your partner's possible reactions as much as you can.
- Think about how you can manage his attitudes of superiority in the future. Is your partner willing to accept immediate criticism, or is it better to let her know the next day? Ask her how she would prefer you to point this out. Is he able to face the truth or will you have to look for a delicate way to deal with the subject?
Advice
- Listen carefully to your partner's point of view. Give her all the space to be able to express herself as she sees fit. Try to understand the roots of his haughty attitudes and be ready to analyze your behavior as well.
- Tell your partner what your expectations are and what you would like to improve in your relationship. Would you like to put an end to his attitude? Is there anything you can do to help her?
- While a passive-aggressive attitude, and a prolonged silence, might seem the easiest way to follow, remember that only by addressing the problem directly will you have the possibility to solve it and prevent it from compromising your future.
