Miscarriage is one of the most difficult experiences a parent or future future parent can have. It is especially heartbreaking for women, who not only experience emotional trauma, but also face physiological changes. However, it is possible to manage this delicate moment with the support of a loving companion. So by consoling your wife, keeping her busy and considering your limitations, you will be able to effectively support her after a miscarriage.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Console her
Step 1. Offer to speak to her
This way, you will prepare to support her and allow her to express emotions that she otherwise would not be able to express. Avoid being too explicit: don't tell her what to do.
- Ask her if she wants to describe her state of mind. For example, try saying to her, "I know you are very hurt, but know that I am willing to listen to you when you feel ready."
- Don't insist. Let her speak when she feels able.
- If you see fit, let her know how you feel by saying something encouraging, like, "Even if I'm sick, we need to help each other."
Step 2. Talk to a professional
You may need more effective help than you can actually offer each other. Fortunately, many resources exist for women who have suffered a miscarriage. Take the time to spot them.
- Consult a mental health professional. See if your wife wants to talk to someone alone or by your side.
- Search the Internet or ask friends to find a support group for women who have had miscarriages.
- Find some online resources to help your wife. Try to find information on websites, blogs or forums where users report having experienced similar experiences.
- Your gynecologist may recommend assistance services for women who have had miscarriages.
Step 3. Continue to support it for a long time
Many women who have lost their pregnancy suffer from severe emotional problems for a long time. In fact, the trauma of an abortion can accompany them throughout their lives.
- Don't deny her your support and offer her a shoulder to lean on or cry whenever she feels the need.
- Just because your wife doesn't comment on this painful experience doesn't mean she isn't upset anymore.
- Understand that the emotional trauma of a miscarriage can last for months or even years.
- Take on all the responsibilities that belonged to her, unless she explicitly states that she prefers to leave the house.
Step 4. Pay attention to his health
When a woman has been forced to terminate her pregnancy, she may neglect her health and well-being at first. As a result, offer your partner extra support so that the pain doesn't lead her to underestimate her physical needs.
- Suggest that she relieve stress by running, walking, or going to the gym. Make sure you have your doctor's approval first.
- Make sure you eat regularly and eat a balanced diet rich in proteins, carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.
- Ask her if she has told her doctor about her physical condition. For example, your gynecologist might give you instructions to avoid any infections and tell you how to deal with the days or weeks following the abortion.
- Remind her that most complications, such as vaginal bleeding, abdominal pain, and breast discomfort, should go away within a week.
Step 5. Avoid the most common pitfalls
It is likely that none of the people who love her know how to comfort her in the right way. Often there are misconceptions about what to say in certain circumstances. By avoiding them, you will find the right words more easily.
- Don't belittle her pain by saying, "It better have happened early in the pregnancy."
- Don't increase his guilt. Remind her that it wasn't her fault.
- Do not make promises you can not keep. Instead, give her hope and help her look to the future by engaging in the right behaviors.
Part 2 of 3: Keep Her Busy
Step 1. Take her out to eat
Just going out could cheer her up and help her overcome the loss of her baby. In addition, it could give her new and enjoyable experiences.
- Invite your wife out one night. See if she feels like getting ready and going to one of your favorite places to eat.
- Invite her to lunch at her favorite outdoor restaurant or venue. Sunlight and fresh air can help her feel more vital.
- Make sure she is emotionally ready to get back on the game. If not, don't force it.
- If she doesn't feel like going out, plan a night at home. Prepare dinner and watch a movie, start a puzzle or relax in another way.
Step 2. Plan something with other people
This can be a great idea to ease some of his melancholy and distract you from the loss of the baby. However, keep in mind that it is not suitable for everyone. If your wife is introverted and finds socializing stressful and tiring, it may not be that dating other people makes her feel better.
- Avoid activities where small children may be present, especially if you don't have children.
- Go to the movies with friends.
- Consider festivals, music events, or art exhibitions.
Step 3. Surround yourself with friends and family
If she has the people she loves close to her, she will feel loved in this difficult time. It may be the support he needs to get over his pain.
- Don't be surprised if she wants to be with a friend, her mother, or her sister. Perhaps he longs for the closeness of other women during this time.
- If he agrees, invite someone over for coffee, a glass of wine, or a chat.
- See if he prefers to invite his or your parents.
- Don't surprise friends or family. At first she may need to be alone for a while.
- Again, remember that these tips are not healthy or suitable for everyone. Consider your wife's temperament and ask yourself if she seems stronger or stressed when she is around others.
Step 4. Encourage her to relax
There are many relaxing activities that could help you get through this rather painful time. Suggest them to:
- Meditate;
- Practice yoga;
- Doing martial arts;
- Perform breathing exercises.
Step 5. Offer to keep a journal
In this way, he will be able to express everything he feels and learn to manage it intimately. It is important because, in order to be able to process the grief that has hit her, she must first bring out her feelings.
- Invite her to take a few minutes a day to write down how she feels.
- Encourage her to confess her deepest emotions and what she really thinks to her journal.
- Assure her that you will never read what she writes. You just have to entice her to use the diary for her own good.
Step 6. Encourage her to unleash her creativity
In addition to the diary, also suggest some creative activities, such as drawing, DIY, and music. Creativity allows you to metabolize feelings without using words. With these approaches, she will make great strides in processing her pain and ultimately heal her wounds!
Advise her to color or use a special adult application. There are several to download and use on your tablet
Part 3 of 3: Consider Your Limits
Step 1. Please note that you cannot solve this problem
Sometimes, you are convinced that you can find a solution to all the problems in the world. However, a miscarriage is one you can't fix - all you can do is wait to get through this difficult time alongside your wife.
- Realize that you won't always be able to cheer her up.
- Remember that processing pain caused by a miscarriage takes time. It may take your wife days, weeks, or even months to return to "normal".
- Relationship problems are likely to arise, but don't take all the blame for them.
Step 2. Deal with the loss of the baby
To properly support your wife, you too will need to metabolize the pain generated by this experience. So, you need to take some time to accept what happened.
- Calmly reflect on the loss of your child, without being in a hurry.
- Talk to someone about it. Even if your wife will be able to stand by you, depending on the circumstances you may need someone else to keep from collapsing in front of her.
- Confide in your parents, siblings, or best friends.
- Contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. He may suggest some ideas or strategies to offer your partner better support.
- It is not a problem if you burst into tears. This experience hurt you too.
Step 3. Realize that you cannot know what your wife is feeling
Even if you are in pain, you cannot know exactly how it feels because you are two different people and each is grieving in their own way.
- Accept that the pregnancy has ended and realize that there is no longer any embryo, fetus or baby in your wife's womb. Even if your pain is real and deep, don't forget that you are only experiencing part of this loss.
- Avoid saying, "I know how you feel." While it may seem natural, you risk being numb to her eyes. After all, you are two different people, each with a different role in pregnancy.
- Don't be afraid to tell her that you can't understand her state of mind. You will prove to be an attentive and respectful companion by clearly explaining that you do not know what he is feeling. Try saying to her, "I'm grieving this absurd loss, but I can't imagine how you feel right now."
