Sometimes life events can knock you down - in these cases you risk being really hard on yourself. Regardless of what you're going through, it's important that you continue to love yourself. You can learn how to do this by practicing some strategies that will help you become more compassionate towards yourself, letting go of everything that troubles you about your person and nurturing a sincere love and esteem for yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Developing Self-Compassion
Step 1. Imagine how you would react to a friend if he were to find himself in your situation
To start becoming self-compassionate, think about how you would respond to a friend who was in your situation. Try to imagine the speeches and behaviors you would use to comfort a loved one facing the same problem as you and describe them on a piece of paper. Here are some helpful questions you could answer during this exercise:
- What would you tell him if he confided a problem similar to yours? How would you treat him?
- What is usually the way you treat yourself? How does it differ from the way you behave with a friend?
- How might a friend react if they treat you the way you treat yourself?
- How would you feel if you treated yourself the way you treat your friend?
Step 2. Develop a text that prompts you to be compassionate towards yourself
In difficult times it can be helpful to have a text to read that encourages self-compassion and prevents you from being overly critical of yourself. It will help you take note of what you are feeling and not be too hard on yourself.
- For example, you might say, "I'm going through a really hard time, but suffering is part of life. It's a fleeting state of mind."
- You can edit the text using your own words or recite it as it is whenever you are tempted to criticize yourself.
Step 3. Write yourself a letter full of affection
Another way to start seeing yourself with more compassion is to write you a loving letter. Write it from the perspective of a friend who has unconditional affection for you. You can think of someone who really exists or an imaginary person.
Try starting by writing: "Dear [name], I heard about [the situation] and I'm so sorry. I would like you to understand how much I care about you ….". Continue from this point. Remember to keep your tone sweet and understanding throughout the letter
Step 4. Try to give yourself some physical comfort
Physical comfort can make you feel better when you are low on morale. That's why friends and family give hugs or pats on the back in times of trouble. Even if you are alone, you can offer yourself the same benefits by hugging yourself, giving yourself a few pat or just running your hands over your body.
Try putting your hands on your heart or wrapping your arms around your body in a big hug
Step 5. Practice meditation
Over time, there is a risk that self-criticism will become automatic and difficult to change. In these cases, meditation can prove to be a useful tool for gaining greater awareness of one's thoughts, being able to understand when one is too critical of oneself and managing thoughts instead of letting them take over.
- Meditation takes time and practice, so it would be a good idea to sign up for a class or find someone who can give a lesson.
- You can also try downloading some guided meditations over the Internet.
Part 2 of 3: Giving up self-hatred
Step 1. Recognize that an opinion is not the same as a fact
The feelings you have about yourself do not correspond to a fact. Don't believe everything you say to yourself.
To change negative thought patterns, try the "3 C's" cognitive-behavioral technique: grasp, control, change. Catch moments when you see yourself negatively, check if what you are thinking is true, and finally, change it to something more constructive
Step 2. Avoid negative people
Anyone who leads you to think badly of yourself is an obstacle to your self-love. If you surround yourself with such people, it is time to distance yourself from them.
- It's not that easy to completely disappear or get rid of people. Start slowly. For example, if you intend to walk away from a friend, try to contact them less. Stop seeing or talking to him gradually, then block him on social networks.
- It can be a little more difficult to end the relationship with someone who is having a negative influence. However, if you can manage this situation, you will improve your life a lot.
Step 3. Stay away from negative situations
They can generate negative behaviors and increase self-hatred. Avoiding them will eliminate this kind of stimulus and you can focus on the aspects that make you a better individual.
Step 4. Don't dwell on what you cannot change
For example, since it is not possible to control the climatic conditions, what is the use of fidgeting? Sometimes there are aspects of life that you cannot control (such as decisions made in the past). Focus on the ones you can handle.
Step 5. Don't think you are not capable
The sense of inadequacy is quite common. Hence, it must be admitted that it is not possible to excel in every aspect of life. Imperfection is part of the human condition. By recognizing this limit, you will begin to love yourself and appreciate all your successes.
Part 3 of 3: Developing Self-love
Step 1. Make a list
Start with your favorite features. This strategy will allow you to focus on them. Try making two lists: one about your physical qualities and another about your character qualities. Start with the simplest aspects so as not to lose motivation. For example, write:
- I like the color of my eyes.
- I love my laugh.
- I like my work.
- I like my strong work ethic.
Step 2. Be grateful
It will also help you to make a list that includes everything you are grateful for. It is slightly different than the previous one because it leads you to reflect on what you most appreciate about the world around you. Therefore, you could write:
- I am grateful to have a caring family.
- I am grateful for my dog.
- I am grateful for my home.
- I am grateful for the beautiful sunny day.
Step 3. Talk to those you love
If you have difficulty writing, consider consulting with people who love you. They might provide you with an alternative point of view. Try asking:
- "Mom, in your opinion, what are the best sides of my character?".
- "Dad, what are you grateful for?" (might give you some ideas).
- "[Turning to your brother] Do you think I'm good at…?".
Step 4. Practice coming up with positive affirmations about yourself
It is scientifically proven that this exercise improves self-perception. According to some studies, it restores good mood and reduces stress. To put this into practice, try to do the following:
- As soon as you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror.
- Fix your eyes and repeat a sentence. What you say will help you increase your optimism. For example, try saying, "Today I'll say yes several times."
- Repeat this 3-5 times so that the concept is imprinted in the mind.
- You can change your daily statement or focus on a particular aspect that you want to change.
Step 5. Train
Sport brings numerous benefits, both psychological and physical. It is scientifically proven that the effect of physical activity after a workout makes us feel better about ourselves.
Also, by practicing your favorite exercise or sport, you will feel in a good mood. For example, try going for a walk in the park. You will be able to think, burn calories and enjoy a beautiful landscape
Step 6. Eat healthily
In addition to sport, a healthy diet also benefits the mind.
Try to eat more protein (fish, meat, beans) and fewer simple carbohydrates (white bread, sugars, sweets, etc.)
Step 7. Get enough sleep
Sleep improves the physical and mental state. According to experts, the number of hours you need to sleep varies according to age.
- School age: 9-11 hours per night.
- During adolescence: 8-10 hours per night.
- After adolescence: 7-9 hours per night.
- In the adult phase: 7-9 hours per night.
- During the third age: 6-8 hours per night.
