If someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer, it can be very difficult to know what to say or how to express yourself. You may want to express your concern, as well as give him support and encouragement. Writing a letter can be a great way to address the issue, as you will have time to choose your words carefully. The tone will depend on the relationship you have with the recipient, but try to express your mood simply and clearly.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Expressing Support and Solidarity
Step 1. Try saying something
When someone you know is diagnosed with cancer, you may feel completely helpless or unable to process the situation. It is perfectly normal to be sad and angry and not know what to do under these circumstances, but it is important to stay close to her. Even if you don't know what words to use or how to react, try to get in touch with your friend, showing him that you are close to him.
- At first, all you have to do is send a card or an email, saying that you have learned the news and that you are thinking of him. This simple gesture can help him feel less alone.
- You might say, "I'm sorry for what happened. I think of you."
- If you don't know what to say, it's okay to admit it. Tell him something like, "I don't know what to say, but I want to let you know that I care about you and that I'm close to you."
Step 2. Offer your emotional support
Everyone has their own character, but it is very likely that a person diagnosed with cancer will feel extremely lonely. So it's really important to openly show your closeness, support and help in any way possible. You can express your full support by saying, "Please let me know how I can help you."
- The simple fact of knowing how to listen can make a difference for someone. Try saying something like, "If you want to talk, I'm at your disposal."
- While you should listen, you shouldn't force the person to talk to you or give more information about their diagnosis.
Step 3. Offer practical support
In the letter you will need to show that you are ready to help in any way possible. Support can be practical and emotional. In some cases, concrete support can be an indispensable help for a friend suffering from cancer. By making yourself useful in daily chores, such as taking care of children and pets or cleaning and cooking, you can really give him a huge hand, if he is tired or feeling weak.
- Keep in mind that he probably doesn't want to feel like he is bothering you when he asks you for something.
- Make your contribution seem almost random, even if it isn't.
- For example, if you offer to pick up the kids from school, you might say, "They are always in the area when they leave school and I could take them home."
- It is not enough to say: "Do you want me to pick up the kids from school?".
Step 4. Build courage
It is important to encourage and not to be pessimistic or too depressing. It can be difficult to find the right balance, but it's just as important not to show false optimism or downplay the gravity of the situation. Accept it, but always express support and encouragement.
You could say, "I know you have a pretty difficult path to face, but I am next to you to support you and help you in any way possible so that you can overcome it."
Step 5. Use a sense of humor at appropriate times
Depending on the person and the relationship you have, humor could be a great way to instill courage and support, but also to bring a smile to the face of those who suffer. It can be difficult to express it in a letter when you are unable to assess the body language and reaction on the other side.
- For example, joking about a phenomenon such as hair loss can be a great way to relieve stress.
- Use your own judgment and, when in doubt, avoid making any kind of jokes in the letter.
- During the treatment period for your illness, you may need some lighthearted entertainment. Use comedy as a form of relief. Watch a funny movie, maybe go to a club where a comedian performs or watch a comedy show online.
Part 2 of 2: Avoid Being Numb or Offensive
Step 1. Remember that every cancer-related experience is different
You may know about other people who have dealt with this terrible disease, but you shouldn't compare their experiences to your friend's diagnosis. Avoid telling stories of acquaintances who have suffered from cancer and remember that each case is different.
- Instead, you could tell him that this disease is not that unfamiliar to you and let him choose whether to ask you to delve into the subject.
- Saying something like, "My neighbor also had cancer and came out fine" is not reassuring.
- You may appear to be diverting attention from their suffering, even if your intention is to show support and solidarity.
- While you may want to be able to say the right things, remember that the most important thing is to know how to listen. It is possible that the sick person will tell you what kind of support they need.
Step 2. Avoid saying that you understand what she is going through
You may think it's a way to communicate all your support and solidarity, but unless you've also been fighting cancer yourself, you never know how your friend will feel, so don't express yourself that way. If you say things like "I know what you're going through" or "I really know how you feel," you will give the impression that you don't take the whole situation seriously.
- If you try to compare your friend's diagnosis to a difficult time in your life or that of someone else, you may feel inappropriate and numb.
- If you know someone who has been through cancer, you can hint and offer to introduce this person to them, but without forcing things.
- You can simply say, "I have a friend who managed to get over cancer a few years ago. If you want, I can get in touch with him."
- You may be able to express understanding by saying phrases such as "I cannot imagine how much you are suffering" or "If you need me, I am at your disposal."
Step 3. Avoid offering advice and making judgments
You may find it helpful to give advice on how to deal with cancer or tell the story of an acquaintance who has successfully followed some alternative therapy. However, keep in mind that your friend has no desire to hear a long story about something that actually has nothing to do with him. No matter how good your intentions are, offering advice on a topic you don't have a clear experience with may make you seem insensitive. Leave the advice to the doctors.
- This is also not the time to ask questions about their lifestyle or habits.
- Perhaps he has been smoking for many years and you have repeatedly pointed out the risks of lung cancer. It doesn't matter now, focus on support and being sensitive.
- Regardless of your beliefs, avoid trying to get this person to try a certain type of treatment. Whatever his path, conventional or alternative, is his decision.
Step 4. Don't be a blind optimist
While it is important to have a positive attitude, try not to express yourself like this: "I'm sure everything will be fine" or "You will get out of this without difficulty." Just show your support, but what you say could be interpreted as downplaying the gravity of the situation. You cannot know all the facts regarding diagnosis and prognosis.
- Do not force your friend to reveal any other details about the prognosis other than those he has already given.
- Instead, take the time to inform yourself.
- You can talk to friends or family for more information, but always respect your friend's privacy.
