To stand up for yourself, you need to have faith in yourself. However, be careful to hurt people's sensibilities, but you can express your wishes and, at the same time, respect others by communicating with them in an assertive way.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Learn to Communicate Assertively
Step 1. Recognize the difference between an assertive and an aggressive reaction
Being assertive means asserting yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings, taking care not to hurt people with words, but by expressing your point of view. Aggression, on the other hand, manifests itself by mortifying people and externalizing one's own considerations at the expense of others.
- Here is an example of an assertive speech: "Grace, understand my personal situation. My brother is sick, so I can't come to train more often." For more tips, see How to Be Assertive.
- Here, however, is an example of aggressive speech: "Grace, you are really mean. I don't know how one can be so insensitive to someone who has a sick brother. Are you heartless?".
Step 2. Communicate your assertiveness with body language
Stand with your shoulders back. Do not bend over and do not lean against the walls. Keep your head up and look people in the eye. Instead of crossing your arms, hold them sideways or at your sides. If you are sitting, do not cross your legs, but keep your feet planted on the floor.
Step 3. Lean towards using the first person when speaking
Instead of using "you" at the risk of having an accusatory tone, formulate your answers with "I". For example: "I feel bad when you ignore my needs" instead of "You always forget that I need a ride". By bringing attention to yourself, you tend not to blame your interlocutor, but to open a dialogue with him.
Step 4. Don't be defensive
When you want to be respected, stick to the facts. Don't just defend yourself. For example, it will be ineffective to assert: "Grace, you are unfair!". While it's important to point out when someone hurts your feelings, explain why. Saying that you are sad is useful as long as the listener knows why. Try the following:
You might say, "Grace, I think you don't understand why I am so often absent from training. My brother is very sick and my family visits him in the hospital twice a week and stays for an hour. I want to commit myself. with the rest of the team, but right now my brother is more important. I hope you understand."
Step 5. Remember that you decide how important what you think is
If you feel belittled, realize that no one can trample your thoughts. They are precious whatever they are. This does not mean that you are always right. So, get a full picture of the situation and try to be open minded.
Step 6. Explain cultural or lifestyle differences
Not all differences can be resolved. Sometimes you will be forced to explain your point of view. It is absolutely normal for disagreements to arise in relationships.
For example, suppose your religion prohibits the consumption of alcoholic beverages, and that is why you don't want them to be served at your and a friend's birthday party. Even if the other birthday girl disagrees, she may be more inclined to accept your request if she realizes that it is an important religious precept for you
Part 2 of 2: Listen to Others
Step 1. Stay calm
When you argue with someone, take a deep breath. Don't react on impulse. Make sure you are calm enough to discuss the situation with greater clarity.
- If you are upset and don't feel ready to discuss what happened, don't hesitate to say it. For example: "Please give me a five minute break. We will resume the discussion later."
- Try counting to ten while breathing using your diaphragm. Let the air out slowly.
Step 2. Give others a chance to speak
When a disagreement arises with someone, listen to the other person's version, without interrupting it. This way, even if you feel the need to defend yourself, you will understand their point of view and will be able to communicate more effectively.
- Do not disapprove of the opinion of others as if it were absurd. It is aggressive behavior that leads nowhere.
- Show that you are listening through verbal and non-verbal communication. Nod and look the other party in the eye. Answer also saying "right", "yes", "mhmm".
Step 3. Summarize what you are talking about
Once your interlocutor has finished speaking, repeat what you heard. This way you will avoid any kind of misunderstanding. Also, you will show him that you are trying to figure it out.
For example, you could say: "Grace, according to what you said, I would be the weak link in the team. I don't come to train as long as you expect, right?"
Step 4. Ask questions
Once your interlocutor has explained their point of view, take the time to ask them any questions or clarify any doubts you may have. That way, you can show more interest than just accepting what he says. Also, ask him more specific questions if he is hesitant to share what he thinks:
You might say, "Grace, you look disappointed when you stay with me. Did I do something that offended you?" She doesn't necessarily have to be nervous because you are the weakest link in the team. training, but it is also likely that, seeing the real potential in you, she will feel frustrated because you are not working as hard as you could
Advice
- If you've hurt someone's feelings, apologize right away.
- Don't say anything that might hurt people's susceptibility.
