There are so many reasons for having to say no to requests from relatives, friends or co-workers. "No" can be a very difficult word for some. Compared to men, women tend to have more trouble saying no, but knowing how to do it kindly can have a huge impact on any type of relationship. There are things you can do to make the task easier without putting your mental health on the line. Learn to take your time, avoid direct confrontation if you can, and be as frank as possible.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Say No in Everyday
Step 1. Try to understand why saying no is difficult
Most of us have learned from a young age that saying yes is easier and gets family favor and approval. This is related to the ancestral need to please parents either out of affection or out of fear of being abandoned, or out of fear of alienating the sympathies of others and losing a spouse or an important relationship. With friends, saying no can lead to misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Then there is the concern that saying no in the office could put you in a bad light or preclude a promotion.
Saying yes is great in theory; however, it often causes problems if we say yes more than we can afford
Step 2. Find out why saying no is important
Learning to say no gently is a path to establishing and maintaining defined and clear boundaries. If you take pride in caring for others and doing things for them, saying no often makes you feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, you may find that you say yes in excess, and that you feel anxious or stressed because you have taken on too many responsibilities.
Saying no makes the boundaries defined and clear, effectively allowing you to take care of others while taking care of yourself
Step 3. Take some time
Experts agree that taking time to say no is crucial. If you're considering how to decline an invitation or request, remember that you don't have to respond right away. Take some time to avoid being pestered about the subject or hurting your feelings. Don't overdo it though, because it's not fair to make another wait too long. Avoid saying yes right away and changing your mind later. This would damage you or ruin your credibility.
For example, imagine your mom asking you in February, "Are you coming to town for Christmas this year?" Say something like, "Well, we haven't even thought about it yet. We're not sure we can get time off work. Let's talk again in September, OK?"
Step 4. Build on your principles
If someone asks you to do something that is against your values, it may be best to say no in a way that avoids direct confrontation. Ask for time, then say you want to think about it. Consider your values carefully before saying yes to something you are not comfortable with.
For example, suppose a friend asks you to write a reference letter for a member of her family. You might say something like, "I actually hardly know this relative of yours and I don't feel comfortable writing about him as if I knew him well."
Step 5. Try not to say no
Don't say yes, but realize that you can refuse something or someone without actually saying no. Instead, be clear about your concerns and why you refuse.
For example, if the boss asks you to take responsibility for another project, don't just say you can't fit it into your current workload. Rather, respond with something like this: "I am working on Project A which is due to be delivered next week and Project B which we will present next month. How much time can I have to complete this new project?"
Step 6. Be frank
Sometimes it's tempting to tell a pitiful lie or put up a complicated story before saying no. But doing so puts your credibility at risk if they catch you, and this can undermine relationships, both personal and business. In the end, being frank pays off.
For example, if you are declining an invitation, you might say, "It looks like a great (project / event / opportunity) for someone else, but not for me. I hope you (have fun / find someone else)."
Step 7. Be firm
You may find it difficult to repeatedly say no if someone keeps pestering you to do something. The someone may be used to hearing you say yes all the time, and maybe they are just testing your limits. Keep your opinion and keep saying no firmly.
You can start with a rejection and give an explanation like, "I know you want us to meet this weekend, but I've already made commitments that I have to stick to." If the interlocutor insists, he continues to refuse with short but firm answers
Method 2 of 2: Reject Specific Requests
Step 1. Refuse to lend money
Lending money to friends can really jeopardize a friendship; if the friend takes too long to pay back the money, you may be hesitant to ask for it, and he may start considering the loan as a gift. If you don't feel that the friendship (or wallet) will be able to handle an unpaid loan, warn the friend as gently as possible. Remember to be frank.
For example, you might say, "I know you have financial problems. I really appreciate our friendship, but friends and loans don't really get along. Is there any other way I can help?" Or, "I don't have any money to lend. If I could, I'd lend it to you."
Step 2. Refuse to donate
If you know you will not support a donation request, state the importance of the request, decline to join, and propose an alternative if possible. For example, "It looks like I'm working on a great cause, but I just can't participate right now. I've already pledged my monthly donation amounts. You could try with the company or remind me next month."
Don't feel obligated to donate on every request. It is likely that he will have to spend time, work, and money. Answer yes to projects you can or want to commit to
Step 3. Say no to the children
Most children don't like being told not to do something. If the child wants something that you are unwilling to give or allow, say no firmly and explain why. Get her to express her point of view and then suggest something she may have or can do.
For example, you might say, "No, you can't spend the night with a friend during the week. I don't want him to be too tired for classes the next day. I know you're disappointed, but you can always do it on the weekend."
Step 4. Turn down a big favor
Never feel obligated when someone asks for a huge favor. After all, those who ask probably don't know your workload or the stress you are currently under. You have the option to say no, even for a personal favor. If the person is a good friend, he should understand and not insist.
For example, you might say, "I wish I could have watched your kids this week, but I have a really important work deadline and a family commitment." Be clear and frank. Don't tell lies that could hurt your relationship in the long run
Step 5. Decline an appointment
You need to be direct and clear to make sure the other person gets the message. In these situations, people tend to take any ambiguity as a sign of hope, and it's not fair or pleasant for anyone involved. Kind ways to be blunt include "You're (a good friend / nice guy), but I'm not interested in you that way", or, "We're not in tune enough."
- If you've just had a date and they've offered you another one, be frank, and as sweet as possible. Try saying something like, "I enjoyed the evening, but I don't think we're meant for each other."
- Once you've declined, cut the conversation. It is very likely that neither of you would like to spend more time together soon after.
Step 6. Refuse sex
If a romantic partner is pressing to start having sex, or have more intimacy than you feel comfortable with, firmly decline with a simple "No". If necessary, mention a reason, such as the possibility of pregnancy, your moral beliefs, or simply that you decide the moment. Let the other person understand that this is your personal decision and not something related to their charm.
Do not assume that your partner will be conditioned by your lack of enthusiasm and simply stop it. It is necessary to be clear
Step 7. Handle persistent requests
If you feel repeatedly being hunted to go on a date or start having sex, it's time to be very purposeful. If someone doesn't listen to your polite answers, another firm "No" is needed. Here are some examples of answers that may work:
- "I feel uncomfortable about your constant requests, so I have to say no";
- Tell your friend or partner that their behavior makes you sad or upset you
- Reject requests to spend time together;
- Do not get involved with the opinion of a stranger or an acquaintance. If you can, stop seeing the person altogether.
Step 8. Reject a marriage proposal
First, thank you and say that you are honored by the proposal from a wonderful person. Add that you are not going to accept, but that it is not due to something he has done. Finally, offer a full explanation of why you declined, including all the details of your situation.
- The suggestion applies in the case of someone who is in a serious relationship with you. If you've only just started dating him, say politely, "That's nice of you, but it's too early."
- If someone proposes to you in public, avoid embarrassment with something short and sweet. Try "I love you and want to talk to you privately." Don't make a scene or a drama.
