Very often we find excuses to avoid the difficult reality we feel within us. The fear of facing our fears leads to a vicious cycle of self-hindering behavior. Instead of looking within ourselves, we focus on the outside world which we prefer to blame for things that go wrong, but when it comes time to introspect we prefer to run harder and harder without looking back. Avoiding looking inward for answers to the difficulties and mistakes in our lives can cause us to accumulate a lot of stress, leading to problems that in the long run become even more difficult to overcome. Learning how to stop running away from yourself can make the difference between a life that goes on without a conscience and a happy life that you are in full control of.
Steps
Step 1. Take some time to think carefully about things
When everything goes wrong and you don't feel able to deal with the situation at all, it is the sign that gives you life to tell you that you have to stop and think. Get away from your rushed routine, often used as a defense mechanism to avoid having to deal with problems that are too painful, unpleasant or difficult.
- Those issues will still be there, no matter how tired you get, or how hard you seemingly make yourself indispensable. At the level of your subconscious, these issues will soon come back to be addressed again and again, interfering with the normalcy of your life until you are willing to address them. Here are some ways to take some space:
- Take a few days to get away from everything and everyone. Rent a bungalow, set up a tent, live in your van for a week, the important thing is to make sure you leave everything behind and do nothing but think.
- Set aside time on the calendar to reflect, even on a daily basis. Do it consistently, without going overboard, and don't allow anything to distract you.
- Give up on commitments to make more time for yourself. If you are busy, it is also likely that you are not able to do them all well, and it hurts both you and those who depend on you.
Step 2. Write yourself an apology letter
As absurd as it sounds, write yourself an apology letter. This will reinforce the respect you need to be able to confront your inner challenges. It will also help you remember that you are a human being, and that you can only escape your inner life for a short time.
- Apologizing is a great way to intimately understand that you are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them at the same time. It is important, when doing this, not to be too hard on yourself. To err is essentially human. We are not all saints or prophets, therefore, as human entities, we do not aspire to holiness. Instead, try to give the best of yourself and understand that it means getting to know yourself better and better.
- Consider sending the letter to you by post. When you decide to open it, take some quiet time alone to read what you have written and understand the meaning of the issues you highlighted in the letter.
Step 3. Admit the problem or set of problem behaviors
Be honest with yourself. Think carefully about things and observe your life from another person's perspective. Getting out of your shoes may prove to be the only way to be objective or realistic about the issues you are addressing. Although it may seem a little bizarre at first, the more you aim to look at your life from a neutral point of view, the more you are in. able to connect all the pieces of the puzzle, and also to learn to laugh a little at yourself, as you continue to try despite the adversities that accumulate due to negative thoughts.
Some people occasionally try to look at their life as if it were a movie or as if they were reading a novel. Putting yourself in the shoes of a character can help you perceive the main themes that he constantly faces
Step 4. Be brave
Introspection and observation of the weaker sides of your personality require a lot of strength, because in this way you choose to deal with things about yourself that you don't like or that you can't understand well. However, exploring your weaknesses allows you to develop a good disposition.
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This technique is not to blame you for the weaknesses you discover, but to be aware of their existence and find ways to learn to live with them, or to improve your strengths and make sure that weaknesses are not leading your life.
The most important thing is to smile at your mistakes and learn to laugh at yourself at the silly things you do. Observing yourself more lightly will allow you to behave less rigidly towards others when considering their mistakes, and also to free yourself from the mania for perfectionism.
- Listen to your thoughts more. You can also start a daily journal to record your thoughts as soon as you formulate them. It doesn't matter that they are messy and vague, just take them as they come. A good time to do this is in the evening before going to sleep, because it allows you to reflect on what happened in the past day and on your feelings.
- Analyze negative thoughts about yourself. Why do you have them? Do they want to communicate something about an aspect of yourself that you don't want to think about? If so, take note of these things and start trying to understand why they are bothering you and how you can deal with them in a constructive and self-educating way.
Step 5. Explore your principles and values
Did you develop them yourself or did you borrow them from someone? Only you know the answer to this question. Yes, it is time to discern the values you have absorbed from those you have developed on your own.
- How can you understand it? It's very simple. Either you are living with principles that guide you, or you are not. In the second possibility, chances are you're living by following someone else's morals, rather than your own. Reject it and start developing your own. Feed her with fertile thoughts, so that they grow vigorous and are original. Remember, even "trying" to live by your own values and principles (often wrongly) is better than living a perfect life by following those of others.
- If you don't know where to start, explore different ideas about the world through learning. Read, talk to people with the intention of learning how they see the world and listen to in-depth programs, or watch documentaries on different ways of living in the world. Strengthen yourself by improving your knowledge.
Step 6. Don't fool yourself
It is very easy to fool the world with elaborate lies and put on a mask for everyone to believe what you want them to believe. However, your heart will know the truth, and when you put its advice aside it will cause you to have an inner conflict.
- Putting on a mask causes cognitive dissonance. It's basically the feeling of behaving in a way that pleases others while actually thinking or feeling another way (the real you). This creates confusion and leads to an increase in frustration, which in the long run can lead you to engage in counterproductive behaviors, such as passivity-aggression, depression, anger and addiction.
- It takes too much energy to pretend all the time, and eventually both body and mind let off steam in ways that may not be as constructive as you would like. Better to stay in control, revealing your true self more often than the fake person you feel compelled to show the world.
- How to tell if you are fooling yourself? Your body may be telling you. If you have a variety of aches and pains that are not of medical origin, then your body may be trying to tell you what you cannot hear with your mind.
- You may be following a life path that takes into account the dreams of others but not your own, such as the obedient child who fulfills the wishes of the parents instead of doing what he wants, or the loyal employee who works for the interests of the company instead of. for his.
- Another way to determine this is to realize that you are mentally conforming to something depending on the situation, for example, in you there is a "professional me", an "obedient partner / child me", a "team fan" etc., but none of these personalities represent you entirely.
- Although occasionally it can happen that you find yourself in situations where you have to get along with people in social and work contexts, this does not mean that it must happen at the expense of your personality, which is unable to express itself appropriately.
- Another form of self-delusion comes in the form of self-imposed limits. You may find that you are limited in some ways, but it may have been you who imposed these limits, based only on your own self-criticism. Overcoming these limits requires a lot of concentration to increase your confidence. Take some time and the opportunity to foster self-confidence, in order to overcome the limits you have imposed on yourself.
Step 7. Appreciate the fact that you are human and not a robot, a gear wheel or a superman
Trying to be everything, to do everything and to be a "superman" inevitably leads to exhaustion and despair. You can't always put aside your feelings and desires, just as you can't always expect success and goal achievement. Life has its ups and downs and sometimes go nowhere, move from one stage to another and start over. all over again are normal moments in the life of a human being. If you only measure your worth by considering what you earn from life, you will end up getting down every time you lose or fail to achieve a goal.
- Human beings are emotional and fallible creatures. There will come times when your actions will not always be perfect. There will come times when you will lose, or when things will stand still. Relax, get comfortable with yourself, and learn to let go of the need to have to get something. Sometimes the real result is being yourself.
- Slows. Speak slower, think before you say something, move at a pace that allows you to fully understand your surroundings, and spend more time reflecting. The world is fast enough without you speeding up the precious hours you have been granted. And speaks. People won't listen to what you say if you yourself don't believe it and aren't afraid to speak clearly and accurately.
Step 8. See a therapist if necessary
You may be surprised at how more relaxed you can feel once these internal issues are resolved. For many people, resistance to therapy can stem from the belief that they have to solve their problems on their own. But this is an erroneous consideration.
Of course, when you allow a qualified person to help you, you will understand why it took you so long to seek help
Advice
- Don't live a life of lies. Being honest with yourself is the best way to live.
- Talk to someone you trust, don't judge you, and don't make the problem worse.
- When trying to change habits or set goals, don't try to do everything at once. Small important steps can be more effective and lasting than big but slippery ones. Once you've reached a goal or lost a bad habit, set yourself the next milestone and reward yourself for what you've done so far.
- Particular problems, such as sexual identity, divorce and psychotic tendencies are often more difficult to deal with and easier to avoid when confronted with them.
- Volunteering is a great way to stop running away from yourself. Helping others not only allows you to slow down, but shows you how other people live and manage their lives, an excellent reminder to remind you of what's good in your life. You will also learn from the people you help and the events you become involved in, lessons that you could not learn any other way.
Warnings
- Don't be too hard on yourself. Mistakes happen, you can fail and sometimes messing up everything is normal. Just as good weather follows bad weather, a good period can be followed by a bad one. It's part of a cycle, and it's vital that you be kind to yourself.
- Be reliable. If you make promises, don't back down, or at least be brave enough to admit that you've promised more than you can handle (and do it fast enough that you can let others find alternatives). Being trustworthy by taking responsibility for your actions doesn't mean being a superman who never disappoints anyone: it means taking responsibility when you're unable to carry out a project, or failing to be there for someone in the way they would like.
