Love can feel as intoxicating as that caused by a drug, causing you to feel delusional and insomnia, and making you neglect other aspects of your life. An addictive relationship is characterized by the need to continue to get involved with the other person, despite the evidence of the negative consequences that derive from it. To free yourself from the patterns of obsessive attachment, you should identify the nature of your relationships with other people, and then take the necessary physical and psychological steps.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Diagnosing an Addiction Relationship
Step 1. Create a list
In one column write the positive elements of the relationship and, in another, list the negative ones. Dig deep into your life to determine if the bonds are healthy, socially, mentally, emotionally, and professionally.
Among the positive things to put on the list could be the sudden intense emotion you feel when the person you love pays attention to you or gives you something. This is the feeling of addiction that you will have to accept and deal with
Step 2. Review past relationships
Many people who develop addiction to others have experienced inadequate family relationships. In many cases, family members were not trustworthy or offered no basic food, protection, or emotional support.
If the person you depend on reminds you of a family member or a past relationship, you may be trying to complete, through the current relationship, one that previously failed. In order to move forward, you will need to separate the feelings about the two different relationships
Step 3. Keep a journal of the report
Write regularly about how the relationship makes you feel and what behaviors, hopes and fantasies you have. A daily journal can help you avoid covering up the bad times you hide from yourself to protect your relationship.
Step 4. Review the report
Take note of the other person's physical and individual characteristics. Then write down who is the dominant figure in the relationship and look for any evidence that one of them is trying to control the other. Clarify the tone of the relationship and the five most common emotions you feel when you are in the other person's company.
If many of these characteristics are negative, you can begin to understand the reasons why the relationship you are experiencing is not healthy, but it represents a form of addiction
Step 5. If you discover evidence of obsessive, domineering, and domineering manipulation, accept that the relationship is unhealthy
To be able to stop it, you will need to be willing to deal with severe emotional pain.
Part 2 of 3: Break the Ties
Step 1. Pay attention to which parts of your relationship are fantasy and which realities
We have a tendency to have fantasies about people in hopes of improving them. It also happens that we create imaginary stories about the relationship, which we tell other people.
Step 2. Determine the physical bonds that unite you to the other person, such as those involving finances and housing, or work projects
Understand that you will need to give yourself extra time to break these bonds. Ask yourself if your relationship addiction is based on the benefits you have combined.
- For example, you could change your bank account and start receiving checks in the new one.
- Also consider looking for another place to rent or to live temporarily.
- If you are married or have children, consider attending a couple or one-to-one therapy sessions. If you want to try to overcome your addiction and start a healthy relationship, you will need to work hard and get help from an impartial third person who can explain your obsessive and delusional behaviors step by step.
- Eliminate the consumption of alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or other triggers that may encourage you to remain in an addictive situation.
Step 3. Plan activities with positive people in your life
You may need to replace negative feedback you have been exposed to in a bad relationship with positive ones from different backgrounds. Renew ties immediately.
Step 4. Set personal goals
If you've neglected yourself due to a personal addiction, try to pursue a hobby, start training for a sporting event, or try to get a promotion at work. You can find other means of receiving positive reinforcement besides those present in a relationship.
Step 5. Create a list of your personal wishes
Start each entry with "I want" or "I want", so that you can separate personal wishes from those of a couple. As you free yourself from an addiction, focus on yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Embrace Independence
Step 1. Decide how you will deal with the other person, in case they get back in touch with you in the future
If she should lower your self-esteem and make you feel humiliated or unloved, you should limit your relationships with her.
For example, if he wants to talk to you on the phone, suggest a day and an hour, and answer the phone call to a sympathetic friend's house
Step 2. Expect to suffer from withdrawal symptoms
In place of euphoria, excitement, and passion, you may experience fear, insecurity, loneliness, and panic. These are normal consequences of breaking a bond that has given you positive feelings.
Step 3. Don't replace closeness with drama
When a relationship dissolves, you may feel the desire to get involved in melodrama, so as not to break the bonds with the person who was giving you that intense and positive emotion. To make the breakup faster and less painful, avoid the temptation to indulge in the drama.
Step 4. Take note of the obsessive thoughts you have about the other person
Bring a journal with you so that you can adequately describe the fantasies, obsessive feelings, and pain you may be harboring.
Step 5. Deal with any feelings of loneliness or depression you may be experiencing
If you feel chronically depressed, see a counselor or talk to friends. Feelings of worthlessness cannot be eradicated from relationships, but only postponed.
Address your self-esteem issues right away, before you start dating another person
Step 6. Join a support group that addresses sex or love addiction
You might see how others cope with endorphins and the obsessive behavior associated with love.
Step 7. Don't lose hope
A study by Northwestern University indicates that people underestimate how bad they feel after a breakup. The separation you are so terrified of may turn out to be easier to overcome than you realize.
