We all want to be loved. If you have a hard time feeling safe and comfortable around others, you are not the only one. Fortunately, it is possible to acquire skills and adopt concrete solutions with which to try to improve oneself to become more pleasant and self-confident people. Learn to behave, to make a good impression, and to be someone others want to be with.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Be a Pleasant Person
Step 1. Put others at ease
If you seem nervous, you will lead other people to behave this way too. If you relax, feel good about yourself and have a mild temper, it will be immediately noticeable and anyone will have fun with you. One of your biggest goals should be to make people comfortable in your presence.
- Learn to sit naturally, breathe normally and move calmly. Don't shake your foot, don't chew the gum nervously, and don't give the impression of being on edge. Just sit back and be casual.
- Practice sitting up a little from time to time. When on the bus, try not to fidget with your phone and earphones, but just sit and do nothing. Try to look like a person who feels comfortable.
Step 2. Be spontaneous
People like to surround themselves with people who make life feel like an adventure. If you want others to seek you out and want your attention, you need to infuse some energy and spontaneity into your life. Be willing to change plans and get carried away by situations.
- Try to systematically disrupt the plans you have prepared. If, when you come home, you have a habit of playing video games for an hour, you decide to do something different, but don't think about it until you leave school. Make a commitment to come up with a fun schedule before you get home.
- Try to be spontaneous under certain circumstances. Chat with the cute bartender who works in the cafe you usually go to, or call an old friend and ask him if he wants to go out in the evening. There is no better time than the present.
Step 3. Try to be lovable
In general, people don't like it when a conversation turns into a debate. Rather, it welcomes the presence of people who are supportive, positive and willing to carry out projects, instead of creating obstacles. Be prepared to say "yes" when friends ask you to go out and do something. If you get involved, they'll see you as a hilarious and helpful guy.
- Try to distinguish between the important things to talk about and the less important ones. If all of your friends want to go out for Mexican food one night while you hate it, is it really worth reopening the debate and showing your annoyance? Probably not.
- Being a pleasant person does not mean becoming a doormat. If you have a legitimate objection to make or disagree with others on a particular issue, know that people appreciate being with people who express their opinion. Just don't disagree just to have something to say.
Step 4. Be a good listener
Sometimes we all need a careful ear for our problems. Practice your good listening skills and pay attention to friends when they talk to you. Too often, we just wait for our turn to intervene and in the meantime we think about what we have to say. Instead, try to give your friends space without interrupting them.
- When you listen to someone, ask a few questions to keep talking. Make eye contact and nod your head to show your attention. And listen seriously to what he says, without just waiting your turn to speak.
- A good listening technique is to repeat and summarize what the interlocutor has said. When you have to answer, for example, start by saying "It looks like what you're saying is …" or "It's as interesting as you …".
- Don't put yourself above the other person during a conversation. If a friend is upset because they're going through a breakup, now's not the time to say how much worse your last romantic breakup was. A conversation is not a competition.
Step 5. Be positive
Nobody wants to surround themselves with depressed people. If you are confident and positively influence your friends, people are more likely to want to be with you. If instead of being gloomy, you bring a note of cheerfulness, everyone will be happy to have you around.
- Try to find the fun side of things. If the service in the restaurant is terrible, the food smells bad and the place is crowded and noisy, instead of being grumpy, it leads everyone to joke and laugh about it. Get people to see the bright side of the situation.
- Try complaining less. If there is a desire to talk about something you don't like very much, avoid it by going to more pleasant topics.
Step 6. Be active
When faced with a choice, most people would rather hang out with a purposeful guy than just hang out with their hands. Even if you have a quiet and reserved nature, think of something fun and special to do and plan to do it rather than waiting for something to happen.
- Write down five things you'd like to do and keep the list up to date. If your friends are bored and unmotivated, you will be the one with an emergency back-up plan.
- Sometimes, a quiet outing is all it takes to have fun. You don't have to be crazy for people to seek your presence. Introverted types are often just as pleasant as extraordinarily extroverted ones.
Step 7. Formulate your ideas and share them
Even though everyone seems to have the same ideas and behave the same, especially when young, in the long run people like to surround themselves with authentic, unique people who have their own ideas and are unwilling to follow the crowd. Don't mechanically repeat what you hear from your parents or popular kids just because you want to fit in.
- Don't be afraid to take on the role of leader. If you are working on a school project and others are delaying wasting time, take responsibility by launching an idea of the path to follow. Don't automatically wait for someone else to take the lead.
- If your words show confidence, you will convey a mysterious and magnetic air and people will want to be with you. Try to speak clearly and loudly when sharing your ideas.
Part 2 of 3: Trust Yourself
Step 1. Get ready
If you are always poorly organized, confused and burdened with your responsibilities, others will begin to see you as a burden rather than a pleasant presence. Even the simplest things, like organizing for school, will make you more adorable than a classmate who never has a pencil, never knows what page you've reached, and always asks for help with homework at the last minute.
- Do what is expected of you and more if you can. If you wash the dishes without being asked, always hang the towel in its place and cook for everyone, it is much more likely that other college colleagues you share the apartment with will want you as a roommate.
- Try to rely on your own strength. The less you ask for help, the more confident you will be in your abilities and will be able to lend a hand to those who have a problem. You will be a helpful person.
Step 2. Be interested in others
Displaying curiosity, friendliness, and a legitimate interest in the lives of others is a highly valued quality. People like to surround themselves with real, curious and supportive people. Try acting this way.
- Don't hesitate to ask questions during a conversation to keep people talking and feeling comfortable. You can make the chat flow pleasantly by asking a few questions. Even simply asking "How was it?" or "How does it feel?" it will keep the dialogue alive.
- Most of the time, people confuse social unease with self-centeredness or selfishness. While it's unfortunate, you could avoid this misunderstanding by showing an honest and legitimate interest in those in front of you. It is not enough to talk about oneself.
- Look people in the eye when you speak. Show yourself physically open and pay attention when they replicate.
Step 3. Speak clearly and loudly
It is not just your ideas and presence that matter, but also the way you say what you think. If you have something to say, say it clearly and out loud, showing confidence, not embarrassed by what you think. If something is worth saying, express yourself so that others can hear you clearly.
Don't be evasive and don't retract what you say. Avoid introductory phrases like: "I'm sorry, but …", "I don't know …" or "It sounds stupid, but …". Don't dismiss your ideas before you even share them. Just say what you think. Show what you're worth
Step 4. Know when to stop talking
The less you talk, the more powerful the things you say. It is not always appropriate to talk and, in fact, people like to be with someone who can easily share a quiet pause. It is not always necessary to talk a lot.
Don't talk just to talk. If you don't have anything to contribute in a group conversation or if your opinion doesn't add anything new, don't talk. It is not important to be the center of the conversation
Step 5. Be yourself
It is easy to distinguish fake and pretending people from real ones. Don't pretend to be who you are not. If a popular topic comes up, you don't have to pretend you like it to make more friends. Be yourself and choose what you like.
On the other hand, you can be whoever you want. Just because you've been meek or quiet in the past doesn't mean you always have to be like this. Try to change for the better and enrich yourself if you find something to improve. What is the ideal image of yourself that you would like to embody?
Step 6. Let your actions speak for themselves
Some people mistakenly think that, in order to please others, it is necessary to exaggerate and brag. At best this attitude can be irritating, but at worst it can also lead people to believe that you are bad faith, insecure and weak. Let your actions and behaviors speak for themselves, without bragging.
Don't show off, especially on social networks. Nothing can make people hate you quite like a series of comments and posts about how overworked you are now that you are in charge of your team or how hot the hot tub water gets in the summer
Step 7. Silence the most critical part of you
Do you know that little voice that tells you that you are not so funny, beautiful, rich or smart to hang out with others? Shut her up and get her out of the way. There is nothing that undermines the ability to move confidently in the world as this annoying little voice. It just curbs the fun and pulls you away from the friends you want to have.
Come up with a "mantra" that pushes you to be positive, even if it seems trivial to you. Let it invade your mind and take away the worry. Build self-confidence by stealing lines and ideas from inspiring songs. Even if it's almost swashbuckling rap, take a cue to encourage yourself. Take advantage of anything
Part 3 of 3: Look Good
Step 1. Take care of your hygiene
Personality is the most important thing to work on if you intend to entice people to be with you, but that doesn't mean completely ignoring other more superficial aspects, including personal cleanliness. If you want to be a nice guy that people like to hang out with, take care of your hygiene so that others don't avoid your presence.
- Shower at least 4-5 times a week and change your clothes regularly.
- Change socks and underwear every day.
- Wash your face, armpits and hair regularly.
- Brush your teeth twice a day.
Step 2. Choose a haircut that flatters you
The first impression is important. If you wear a bowl cut at 20 like when you were 8, you will probably discourage people before they even get a chance to meet you. The hairstyle and hair style will have to highlight your features and embellish your face.
Even if you wear your hair unkempt like a rock star, you need to comb it every now and then. Nobody will want to go out with you if you have a spider web in your head
Step 3. Wear clothes that flatter your figure
While there is no need to follow the latest trends, buy expensive clothes, or dress like everyone else, you will feel safer and happier wearing clothing that gives you this feeling. You will communicate this confidence to others and you will become a person who is pleasant to be with.
- There is no such thing as "cool" clothing, because it totally depends on who you are, how old you are and your sense of style. You can have a good presence by wearing second-hand clothes or bought at the mall.
- Choose the style that makes you feel good. If you feel better and more confident in a hoodie and sneakers, don't hesitate. If you feel more comfortable in elegant clothes, dress like this every day. If you can't live without your Levi's, buy five pairs to match with other garments.
Step 4. Stay healthy
Do not neglect the physique and try to train yourself so that you are proud of yourself. If you respect your body, people will consider you a person who deserves to be around. Find a sport you enjoy and try to keep fit as much as possible.
- You don't need to be an athlete or a mountaineer, just find something you like. Try free running, skateboarding or hiking, if traditional team sports don't appeal to you.
- Although it may seem that a harmful habit such as smoking, drugs or alcohol will help you make friends, in the long run you risk losing friends, especially if a drug addiction problem arises. It is better to surround yourself with people who do not destabilize your well-being than to hang out with people who are predisposed to ruin everything. Establish healthy habits.
Step 5. Feel good in your skin.
Nobody has a perfect body or feels at their own every day. But if you want to entice people to be with you, try to put aside the discomfort and insecurities about your physical appearance and be more casual.
Step 6. Know yourself
When you are young, it can be difficult to understand your personality exactly. Are you a guy who takes a guitar and puts on a denim jacket without ever taking it off? Are you obsessed with your soccer team? Are you the kind of joking? You don't have to give a single answer to these questions. The more honest you are about what you are interested in and what you like, the more you will have confidence in yourself and the easier you will be able to find friends who love you and who want to be with you.
