Having good interpersonal skills is vital to lead a healthy, peaceful and enjoyable life. In fact, several studies have shown that social skills and mental health are intrinsically related. Learning to relate to others is therefore essential to become a more charming, self-confident person with a life full of positive relationships. Everyone has the potential to improve their interpersonal skills with introspection and exercise. This guide will tell you how to learn to communicate and interact with others.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Improve Verbal Communication
Step 1. Be aware of the volume and pitch of your voice
You don't have to speak softly, but neither do you shout shout. The volume must be such that you can make yourself heard, and convey self-esteem rather than aggression.
- Remember to modulate your voice according to your surroundings.
- If possible, orient yourself by taking the people around you as an example.
- If you find yourself speaking fast because you are nervous, try speaking at a third of the speed you normally speak. This trick is called "slow talk" and it not only helps you speak clearly, but also makes you feel more relaxed.
Step 2. Break the ice effectively
Begin with a general rather than a personal topic. You can talk about current events, make a comment about the weather, a compliment or an observation. Having a chat is not always easy, in fact it can happen that you go into the ball and not know what to say. Here are some ideas:
- "I like your hat, where did you buy it?"
- "The climate has really gone crazy, what's going on?"
- "I really like the view from here!"
- "These lessons are really interesting, aren't they?"
Step 3. Find ways to prolong the conversation
After breaking the ice with general topics like current events, try to get a little more personal. Asking questions about family, work, or personal ideas can stimulate and deepen a dialogue. Remember that you need at least two people to have a conversation, so don't talk too much or too little. Ask open-ended questions, such as those that begin with "How", "Why" and "What," rather than closed-ended questions. Here are some ideas to get the conversation going:
- "So what do you do?"
- "Tell me a little more about your family"
- "How did you meet the landlord?"
- "How long have you been in this place / have you been doing this activity?"
- "Do you have any plans for the bridge?"
Step 4. Avoid sensitive topics
When breaking the ice with someone you don't know well, you should avoid certain issues, such as disputes over religion, politics, race, and sexual orientation. For instance:
- You can ask a general election question, but it is often considered inappropriate to ask someone who they will vote for.
- You can ask general questions about a person's religious belief, but there is no need to delve into a religion's ideas about topics like sex.
Step 5. End a conversation with class
Instead of cutting her off abruptly, try to be subtle and discreet. Explain that you need to leave and explicitly state that you enjoyed the chat. Conclude with positive affirmations like:
- "I have to run away, but I hope to see you again to keep talking"
- "I really have to go, I have an appointment at the bank, but it was a pleasure"
- "I see you're busy, so I'll leave you. It was a pleasure to meet you"
Method 2 of 3: Improve Non-Verbal Communication
Step 1. Pay attention to your body language
The body often carries more powerful messages than words. Remember that it plays a very important role in most social interactions. Reflect on the messages you send to others through posture, gestures, eye contact, and facial expressions.
- If you avoid eye contact, walk away or cross your arms, others will feel like you don't want to interact.
- Adopt a confident posture, smile, make eye contact, stand straight and keep your arms free, this will make it easier for you to make a good impression.
Step 2. Observe others in various social situations
Look at the body language they use during interpersonal exchanges that seem to be going well. Take note of how they pose, gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact. Consider how you could imitate or improve them by being inspired by them.
- Determine the relationship between the people you observe. This is important because the body language that develops between two good friends would be inappropriate for two strangers.
- Try taking notes on what you see. You will have some sort of guide that will help you become more aware of your body language.
Step 3. Improve your non-verbal communication skills at home
Try filming yourself having a conversation and consider how you might improve your body language. Also, practice in front of the mirror. You can also ask your friends for help, because they can give you their opinion and make you see things from another perspective. Always remember the basics: relax your shoulders, keep your back straight and raise your chin, keeping it parallel to the floor.
- Exercising at home has several benefits, including being in an intimate setting with little pressure.
- Don't be afraid to look ridiculous! Have fun trying different types of body language.
Step 4. When you meet a person, smile beautifully
Smiling is a sign of universal openness and immediately releases tension. When people feel relaxed in a social setting, you too can feel more comfortable. The moment you meet someone, simply focus on your smile and you will see that everything will be easier.
Step 5. Practice eye contact, trying to improve it step by step
Don't think you have to look people in the eye, especially if it makes you uncomfortable at first. To begin, practice. Whenever possible, make an effort to look at someone for only 3-5 seconds. As it gets easier, you will find yourself doing it naturally.
- If you are not within close range, look at your interlocutor's earlobe or the point between the eyes. He will not be able to figure out where you are looking exactly.
- Does looking a person in the eye make you nervous? Some psychologists suggest practicing with television. Watch the news and make eye contact with the host.
Step 6. Take some extra time to prepare yourself so that you feel confident in your physical appearance
If you like your look and feel confident, various social experiences will be easier to manage. Developing good personal hygiene habits, buying a new shirt or pair of shoes you love, and dressing however you want will improve your self-esteem, and therefore your social skills.
Method 3 of 3: Practice in the Real World
Step 1. Find a place where it is acceptable to talk to strangers
Some contexts are preferable to others for breaking the ice. Supermarkets or banks are not the best places to start talking to a stranger, in fact people usually want to do what they should and leave as soon as possible. Instead, bars, sporting events and hangouts are ideal for talking to strangers.
- To meet people, try joining an amateur sports league, reading club, or aerobics class.
- You can also search for groups online to find gatherings of people who share your interests. Great examples are websites like MeetUp.com.
Step 2. Start chatting with people you see every day or who offer you a service
Ask the bartender how the day is going. Thank the postman when you meet him while posting letters, ask a colleague how the weekend went. At least for the moment, you don't have to deepen or converse for long, just start breaking the ice. Remember that it costs you nothing to greet these people. You won't see many of them again, and these light conversations also help you practice.
Step 3. Choose a person who doesn't seem too busy or not interested in talking
Approach without feeling pressured, with open body language and willing to get to know her. This attitude is often conducive to having a good conversation.
- Try to have a confident approach. If you are too nervous, you risk passing it on to the other person.
- Remember to put your cell phone away. Catching him in the middle of a dialogue annoys others and denotes little interest.
Step 4. Evaluate the results
If the exchange went well, review what you did well and repeat it in the future. If it went wrong, reevaluate the situation to determine why.
- Have you approached a busy person or person with closed body language?
- Did your body language communicate openness and interest?
- Did you start with an appropriate topic?
Step 5. Talk to more people
Social skills improve with practice. The more you communicate and interact with people, the better you will become.
Try not to let yourself down by negative interactions - it's often not your fault
Step 6. Join a self-help group to develop these skills in a safe and comfortable environment
You're not the only one who wants to improve their relationship skills, so why not try practicing with people who can understand your anxieties? The fact that you want to perfect your social skills denotes openness, kindness and a desire to be well. Surround yourself with like-minded people to help you grow.
If you think social anxiety is interfering with your everyday life, see a therapist who specializes in this type of disorder
Advice
- According to some studies, group therapy focused on developing interpersonal skills can be effective for those suffering from social anxiety and related mental illnesses.
- If you've been diagnosed with social anxiety, try local group therapy.
Warnings
- Drinking alcohol or taking drugs may be temporary solutions to boost your self-esteem, but they do not improve your interpersonal skills in the long term.
- Pay attention to physical contact during social interactions. Some people accept it willingly, others find it inappropriate and even offensive.
- Social skills are related to one's culture. What you deem appropriate in Western societies may not be accepted in other countries.
