To be a real man it is not enough to have "the attributes". In the world, every culture has rites of passage that symbolize reaching adulthood and traditions to preserve it. This article does not focus on what are the substantial differences between men and women, but on the journey that must be taken to move from adolescence to maturity. While there is no one-size-fits-all way to categorize masculinity, there are certain attributes that are considered to be purely masculine across the globe. Here are a few.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Mind
Step 1. Know yourself
Find out who you are and try to be satisfied with yourself. There is no one way to become a man. A real man can be a woodcutter who wears flannel shirts and hasn't washed in 10 days, but also a professor who talks about Milton and Shakespeare. Anyway, all real men know who they are and respect each other in all respects.
Step 2. Become an expert on a topic
It doesn't matter what it is, but you should be familiar with a certain industry. Men may not be able to use lofty terms and big words (or maybe they don't want to), but when the time comes to actually do something, they know how to behave. They use their intelligence to make it through. What are you particularly good at? Here are some fields you might want to dedicate yourself to.
- General culture. You are a true all-rounder. If you feel like taking part in a TV quiz, you will take home a hefty win. You know the difference between the parts of the speech, between pterodactyl and pterorinco, between a 99 euro men's suit and a 6,000 euro one.
- Engines. The reason men are drawn to machines like bees to honey is the same reason they feel interested in women: they are beautiful, intriguing, complex. No wonder a man refers to his car in feminine terms. Maybe you are the classic friend to turn to to replace the clutch or change the oil.
- History. These men are increasingly rare, but a student of history develops a certain capacity for analysis when contemplating a problem: among other things, he can illustrate the operation of Roman artillery, explain negotiation tactics during the Cold War and expose unknown policies. economic French. He knows that studying history is not just about preventing past mistakes from being repeated in the future.
- Women. Some turn the opposite sex into a real field of study. If you want to be a true expert on the female gender, be prepared to make mistakes and learn from them. Nothing is worse than a man who thinks he knows women but is actually stubbornly offensive, haughty and inept.
Step 3. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and learn to say you're sorry
There is nothing wrong with making a mistake. Only an insecure man can think that making a mistake is unforgivable, because his main problem is that he is not comfortable with himself. Men who believe in themselves recognize mistakes and are not afraid to admit them.
Learn to express your sorrow in different ways. A real man knows that you don't always have to apologize with words. A ticket to a game, a breakfast in bed, or a trip can be just as effective ways to do it, without the need to involve the dear, old vocal cords. A real man knows that these are often more effective ways of conveying his repentance, so he doesn't just say a few poor words
Step 4. Find out the male code
What is that? It is a set of unwritten rules that men must abide by. They often evolve, but they rarely change. When you can, take them seriously. Following the code makes others understand that you respect them as much as you respect yourself. Here are some rules not to be overlooked:
- You shouldn't be dating certain women. You would never date a friend's sister unless you actually intend to marry her. Never woo a friend's ex if he hasn't given you explicit permission. You should talk to him first, don't assume he agrees.
- When you can, share your stuff. If a friend asks you well in advance for a pair of work boots, a drill, or a pot, be polite and lend them what they need. Cars, lucky charms and women hardly ever fall into this category.
- Birthday gifts for other men are always optional. If you make one, but it makes you uncomfortable, you can always lie and say that your girlfriend forced you to buy it.
- Never start talking to a man while he urinates. Under no circumstances is it acceptable to choose a urinal immediately adjacent to another man's if one is available further away.
- When texting another guy, don't use smiley faces or emoticons. While they are acceptable (not preferable) with women, use them as little as possible.
Step 5. Get rid of self-destructive thoughts or habits
In all cultures, it happens that men - some more and some less - assimilate psychologically and culturally harmful customs, which can cause a certain unhappiness to themselves and to others. The first step in developing proper self-perception of your masculinity is to examine the environment in which you were raised as objectively as possible.
- Did you grow up with the idea that it is acceptable to physically or verbally abuse a person who disagrees with you or who you find disobedient? In general, violence is more a sign of cowardice than a tool for solving a problem. Using physical force or threats - with friends, family and anyone in general - to "show your authority" is unhealthy and harmful.
- Have you been taught that to be a real tough guy you need to suppress emotions, hold back tears, and avoid letting your vulnerability show through? In this case, the main disadvantage is the following: you learn to internalize and silence feelings even when they become sour and worsen. Instead, you can be tough in a healthier way too - become a reliable and strong figure, capable of coping with adversity.
- Have you been taught to hate or fear homosexuals? Remember that there is only one factor that makes a person gay: having a sentimental or sexual preference for the same sex. The music you listen to, the clothes you wear, that sensitivity that makes you cry in front of sad movies, the flowers given to your wife, the kindness and empathy you show to others do not make you homosexual. External manifestations of homophobia immediately underline a man's sexual insecurity, certainly not his worth.
Part 2 of 4: Body
Step 1. Maintain hygiene, even if you live in the forest
A man knows that hygiene is fundamental and is practiced by all animals, but he does not fall into the trap of caring for appearance as part of a modernist social trend. The obsessive attention to appearance has become a business, companies and corporations never tire of convincing you to buy dozens of useless products. The appearance care business was born to generate wealth, not because it is noble, wholesome or moral.
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You don't need to shave every day, especially if you have a beard. Some men fail to grow a real beard and in these cases it is best to shave completely. Others, on the other hand, have very thick beards, a call from nature to make it grow. Men are afraid of what women think about facial hair, but the truth is, we are not slaves to women. No woman should force you to shave your beard if you don't want to. Be yourself, as you were created by nature and be your only master.
Don't shave your chest and other body hair. You don't have to respect a superficial and senseless image of the "smooth, sculpted (plastic) man" created by contemporary fashion, advertising and the film industry, again to make money. Be proud of what makes you a man and of the physical attributes that nature has granted you to give you a masculine identity
- Shower or bathe as needed. Men prefer to wash when they are dirty or give off bad smells; they don't necessarily do it every day, as women are used to. If they decide not to mind the dirt or the stench, they do it for a good reason (they are fixing a car or have to go to train).
- Regularly cut your hair and nails. While not a man's top priority, manicure is still important. A good haircut is instead in the first place to take care of one's aesthetics. Many like simple hairstyles, while some prefer slightly longer or carefully combed hair.
Step 2. Exercise
Being a real man doesn't mean being scruffy. It means taking care of your body (for some, this is synonymous with lifting weights). Accept the responsibility of being a man by keeping fit: do cardio, yoga or pilates (which aren't just for women), weight training or sports. Combine this with a healthy diet. At a minimum, walk for about 30 minutes a day for the purpose of burning fat and toning some muscles.
Step 3. Wear clothes of your size
They don't have to be signed or cost an arm and a leg. What is certain is that they should value you. Not all men are big and fat, so not everyone looks good in the same clothes. Tight-fitting trousers are in fashion today, but if possible, try to steer clear of feminine clothing. Here is what cannot be missing in your closet:
- Great jeans. A casual pair, a work one and a more elegant one. They are inevitable in the wardrobe of any self-respecting man, it is a basic garment on which to build entire outfits.
- A few shirts. Again, one casual, one to go to work and one formal. That should be enough for most men.
- Shoes worthy of the name. A man should have three to five pairs of shoes of various types, to wear on different occasions: elegant (to go to work and / or for ceremonies), tennis, work, casual (mid-leg boots, amphibians, from gymnastics, etc.) and suitable for both formal and informal occasions (Oxford, Top-Sider, moccasins, etc.). Use them according to your needs and habits.
Step 4. Don't use drugs to live better
A real man is a born adventurer, which is why he can feel attracted to drugs. However, those who are comfortable with themselves do not rely on drugs to improve their lives. Despite bills, stressful work and countless personal projects (not to mention football), a man always finds a way to appreciate the beauty of life without artificially changing his mood.
Part 3 of 4: Interiority
Step 1. Develop personal principles
A man does not always feel comfortable playing the role of judge, jury and executioner, but he knows how to distinguish good from evil and expects others to follow his own rules. Look inside and ask yourself, "How would I feel if they did this to me?" It should help you develop the right policies for your life.
- A man does not steal, even in moments of despair. A desperate man learns to ask others for help instead of taking what is not his.
- A man helps others in their time of need. He understands a person who is going through a difficult time and who wants to be helped. When it is impossible to give a concrete hand, it is enough to show interest.
- A man trusts his friends, his girlfriend and his family. He keeps his promises and expects others to do the same.
- A man does not lie, neither to himself nor to others. He develops a conscience that guides him and allows him to accept the truth without problems, even if it hurts.
Step 2. Be ambitious in your own way
Men are by nature. A man wants to take bread home, to be admired and respected by others. However, not everyone chooses the same career path, so not everyone defines ambition in the same way. Whichever career or profession you choose (you could pursue several), set yourself goals, respect them (or surpass them) and reinvent yourself whenever necessary. Define your successful idea.
Step 3. Take responsibility for your actions and demand it from others as well
The essential difference between a man and a boy? Between an adult and a child? Men are responsible. They honor their commitment, accept their duties and are accountable for their actions. They clean after soiling (figuratively and literally).
- Any man knows that anyone can give birth to a child, but only a real man understands and accepts the responsibility of being a good father.
- A man doesn't expect anyone to do something for him because he doesn't feel like it. As a result, he appreciates the difficulties and risks others take for him.
Step 4. Learn to make sacrifices for the people you love and care about
Like it or not, sacrifices are necessary to grow. The difference between a man and a boy? A man takes the initiative, while a boy hesitates or complains. A man sees sacrifice as a duty - whether it is sacrificing time, money or resources for others - especially for the people he loves.
Step 5. Become a good man
Having integrity means doing the right thing for the right reason, even when no one is there to watch you. You may be tempted to think that accepting the self-imposed responsibilities to be a man is enough, but that doesn't always make you a good person. Never stop trying to do the right thing and question your character and integrity. To be a man, you must first be a good person, otherwise you will never grow up.
Part 4 of 4: Love
Step 1. Bring out the gentleman in you
It tells you what to do, and you know you should, even when laziness prevails.
- It also pays for the person you hang out with, unless she considers it barbaric and misogynistic behavior. Proceed with caution.
- You open the door to a woman, help her sit down, say "Please" and "Thank you". Generally, putting a woman first is a sign of respect.
- Do the housework. Some men who have been romantically engaged for a long time shirk their duty: they forget to take out the garbage, do the dishes, change the diaper. A real man knows he has to do his part in the house, no matter how unpleasant it is.
- Learn to lose with dignity. Men are competitive by nature and for some this step will be difficult. Accept a defeat with the same decorum with which you accept a victory. Easier said than done, but try.
Step 2. Don't be indiscreet
Men love to woo, but all too often they succumb to the temptation to flaunt their conquests. Don't fall into the trap of telling you that if you don't brag about something, then it never happened. When you are successful in love, this is noticeable without saying a word. By showing yourself confident, without telling anything, maybe your friends will think that you are an authentic Casanova, even if it is not true.
Step 3. Always treat your girlfriend respectfully
Here is a simple list of things to do or avoid.
- What to do:
- Always listen to it;
- Forgive her when she makes a small mistake;
- Keep the promises you make to her;
- Treat her the same way you would like to be treated.
- What not to do:
- Having unrealistic expectations;
- Manipulate it to get everything you want;
- Treat her as an object, not as a person;
- Assume you know how they will feel or react.
- Surround yourself with positive role models, even younger than you. In your life, who do you think could be a good point of reference? How does it behave? What does he do? Learn from him, but also remember that no one is perfect. Everyone is still learning, just like you.
- Being a man is not that different from being a woman after all. There are qualities such as kindness, respect and honesty that should characterize everyone. Sexual preferences, in terms of clothing or hobbies, are something else.
- You may not want to get married. The choice is yours. Marriage is not a prerequisite for being a real man.
Step 4. Don't rush into a relationship
Many pounce on women and generate uncomfortable situations. This way, not only will you alienate the girl you like, you will also prevent her from getting what she wants. A true man knows that in the field of love it is the woman who sets the pace: if he wants to be immediately involved in a story, the man must be ready; if she prefers to proceed calmly, the man must reassure her, telling her that he can wait for her. By letting her decide, it is possible to have a successful relationship and a real man knows that patience will pay off.
Step 5. A little mystery never hurts
For women, men are irresistible precisely because they are often intriguing puzzles. Being mysterious doesn't mean being tough that you never have to ask. It simply means making yourself known progressively, surprising your woman with an unexpected ability, trait or gesture.
