Personality is given by a set of patterns - mental, behavioral and sentimental - that make you who you are. And guess what? These patterns can change. You have to work on it, but if you are really motivated, anything is possible. But remember that your old personality will likely resurface from time to time, because what we believe and think is shaped by our life experiences.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Lay the Foundation
Step 1. Write down a plan
You have to act on two different levels: what you want to change and what you want to become. They are two interconnected aspects. The commitment you have to face is heavy; you better know what you're going through before you start.
- What contribution will the new character you have designed to the development of your person? Many people at this point will come to the conclusion that they don't need a personality change, but rather give up a small habit that negatively impacts their relationship with others. Will a little fix be enough?
- If there is someone you would like to be like, identify what you want to emulate in him / her. Don't just look at a person and tell yourself that you want to be like him or her. Find out exactly what you admire in this person - the way they handle situations? The way of speaking? The way he moves or walks? More importantly, how does this contribute to your well-being?
Step 2. Talk to someone
One of the reasons Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful is that, in that context, it comes up with something you wouldn't normally talk about and opens up to others. Having someone else to control you gives you additional motivation that you would not otherwise have.
Talk to a friend about what you would like to achieve. If they are trusted friends, they will be able to advise you in the right direction (perhaps by letting you know that your idea is ridiculous or by helping you find the right path). An extra brain and two eyes, able to see things from the outside, if you want, can help you understand how you should behave and what is the effect you have
Step 3. Set up a reward system
You can do it the way you want. You could just move marbles from one pocket to another or treat yourself to a vacation. Whatever you choose, make it important to you.
Arrange your goals on a checklist. If you go to a girl you like and say a word to her, great. It will already be something. But if you go to her next week and come out with a whole anecdote, great! Reward yourself for every step you take; everything can be interpreted as a challenge
Method 2 of 5: Changing Mind Patterns
Step 1. Stop judging yourself
If you think of yourself as a shy and reserved person, this will be an alibi for you. Why don't you go to the party this Friday? … Exactly. There is no good reason. When you stop thinking about yourself in a certain way, the world opens up before you.
You are in constant evolution. If you think of yourself as a loser, you will take on his characteristics. However, if you realize that you are constantly growing and changing, you can open yourself up to opportunities that will stimulate further growth, opportunities that you would otherwise miss
Step 2. Try not to think in rigid patterns
Stop judging things either white or black. Guys aren't scary, authority isn't absolute evil, and textbooks can be helpful. Once you realize that it is your perception of things that determines what they represent to you, you will see more possibilities and, therefore, more choices of behavior.
Some people consider their character traits to be "rigid", and this has a strong impact on their behavior. The right attitude lies in a "growth" oriented mindset, according to which the observer believes that character traits are malleable and are constantly being forged. This mindset develops in early childhood and can have a tremendous influence on the personality. If you think things are rigid, you don't think you can change them. How do you see the world? This can determine how you see yourself in relationships, how you try to resolve conflicts, and how and how quickly you react to setbacks
Step 3. Reject negative thoughts
Enough. The beauty of the mind is that it is part of you and that is why you can control it. If you find yourself thinking, "oh my God, I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it" you probably won't be able to do it. When you start hearing that voice, ignore it. It certainly won't help you.
- Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you feel a negative thought arise in you.
- When this voice throws a tantrum, imagine that its voice sounds like Donald's. You won't be able to take it seriously.
- Keep your head up. Literally. Changing your body language can actually change your feelings and therefore your thoughts.
Method 3 of 5: Changing Your Emotional Patterns
Step 1. Pretend until you make the fiction real
A Zen proverb says that the way to the outside is through the door. If you want to become less shy, practice hanging out with people and talking to them. If you admire those who read a lot, start reading. Get involved. People often fall into bad habits but there are ways to change.
Nobody needs to know that inside you feel like you could die at any moment. And do you know why? Because in no time at all this thought will be gone. Our mind has amazing adaptability. What once sent chills down your spine will become a habit over time
Step 2. Take on another identity
With this method, you will fully immerse yourself in your character. You are gone, there is only this new creature that you are trying to be.
This is valid 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You have to adopt the habits of this new character in every situation. How would he sit down? What would be the expression of the face at rest? What worries him? How does the time pass? Who can you compare it to?
Step 3. Give yourself moments to lose control
I understand that telling you to completely abandon who you are and import a new personality may sound ridiculous. You certainly can't do it 24 a day, 7 days a week. So, allow yourself some scheduled moments to relax.
If there is a party this Friday and just thinking about attending it terrifies you, think that Friday night or Saturday morning you will have 20 minutes to let off steam completely. 20 minutes absolutely free from logic, not productive. But don't go any further. Do what you have to do. Do you know what will happen? You'll find that, after all, you don't need that moment of release
Method 4 of 5: Changing Patterns of Behavior
Step 1. Try attending new environments
Truly, the only way to see changes in yourself is to add something new to your life. To do this, you will need to choose new behaviors, new people, and new activities. You can't repeat the same things and expect different results.
- Start small. Join a club. Find a job that you raise from your professional figure. Learn about the new subject. Most importantly, stay away from old environments. You don't have to hang out with people who do the exact opposite of what they're trying to achieve.
- Conditioned. If you are afraid of spiders, lock yourself in a room with a spider. Day after day, get a little closer. Eventually you will be sitting next to him. Later still, you will hold it in your hand. Constant exposure prevents the brain from feeling fear. Now replace the spider with whatever your target may be.
Step 2. Keep a journal
It will take a lot of self-awareness if you want to stay on track. Keeping a journal will help you select your thoughts and analyze how you have handled this change. Write what is working and what is not, in order to refine the method.
Step 3. Say "yes"
If trying to find new environments is difficult, put it on this level: stop missing out on opportunities. If you see a sign that the old you would find uninteresting, take a second look. If a friend asks you to do something you know absolutely nothing about, accept.
As mentioned, only do what does not jeopardize your safety. If someone asks you to jump off a cliff, don't. Use your head
Method 5 of 5: The Final Touch
Step 1. Dress right
Sure, the dress doesn't make the monk, but it can help you find the right mental attitude. While this will not change your personality in any way, it can serve to remind you of the characteristics of the person you are trying to become.
It might even be enough to wear a hat. If there is something that, in your opinion, is characteristic of this new person, keep it where you can see it. You will be able to stay in harmony with yourself more easily
Step 2. Get the right habits
Having the right clothes and new thinking patterns may not be enough. Think about what this person would do and do it. Would you go in search of social contacts? Would you avoid TV and newspapers? Would you read The Economist? Whatever it is, do it.
You don't have to go big - even the little things can work. Would she go around with a pink handbag? Could you listen to a certain band? Get into character as much as you can
Step 3. Settle down
Now that you are picking up these new habits and are probably making new friends and following new habits, you may be feeling a little dizzy. What's important now is to accept yourself as you are. Hold on tight and decide you want to stay here.
Tearing up one's roots is dangerous from a psychological point of view. If you are successful, you may need time to really feel like yourself. Take it easy. This will happen if you desire your well-being
Step 4. Reflect on your new personality
Have you really achieved the goals set? Do people behave better towards you with your new personality? Are you willing to sacrifice your old 'I' for an imitation or an idealized person?
Many people, at this point, will realize that a personality change is not necessary, but rather to accept oneself and have the will to improve instead of hiding behind an artificial public image
Advice
- Don't lose your mind if things don't go as planned quickly - it will take some time.
- If you think that change is not possible due to people close to you (family and friends), change gradually. Eliminate bad habits and start new good ones. If your parents ask you what's going on, tell them that there is nothing wrong with your behavior and trying to feel better about yourself.
- Remember that you don't have to change yourself to please others. It's hard to accept yourself as you are, especially if you're down in the dumps, but try to love yourself. They are thus enabling others to do the same.
- Change slowly; a drastic change could cause doubts about the people around you. Face your problems and deal with them. Over time it will become a natural thing.
- Try to change during the summer so that others can notice your new 'I' in the Fall.
- Never change your being to please others. If you are a geek, don't try to do anything to be a "winner". Try checking out your school's nerd groups. If they're all giggling at me AND teasing students, joking that all those bullies will one day work for them.
