Some might think that being indecisive between two guys offers double the fun, but it really just means your heart is divided and won't heal until you make a decision. If you have to choose between two guys, then you can start deciding by thinking about how each of them makes you feel specifically. Also, at the right time, trust your instincts. Follow the tips in this article to learn how to choose between two guys with as little pain as possible.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Picking a Guy
Step 1. Consider the positive characteristics of each
Whenever you are together with these two guys, make an effort to analyze them thoroughly and think about the qualities you prefer. While you can't always pinpoint the carousel of feelings a person arouses in you, it's important to have as much information about it as possible when making a decision of this caliber. Ask yourself the following questions when talking to each guy:
- It makes you laugh? Do you have a good sense of humor? We all feel attracted to those people who know how to make us smile. Guys who have brilliant humor inspire us and lead us to see the world with different eyes. If it tickles you, do you find it unpleasant or do you like it? No guy should touch you inappropriately if he's not your boyfriend, but see if you like him when he hugs you around your waist, takes you by the hand, or hugs you. If you've been dating for a while and you've come to the fateful moment of the first kiss, make sure you know what to do. Prepare for this experience before it occurs so it won't be awkward. The ideal guy needs to be able to respect you and wait for you to be ready.
- Does he seem to have a certain curiosity towards others? Are you interested in other things besides your life? Guys who seem to be taken only and exclusively by themselves can be quite boring. You should be with someone who has hobbies, friends, and an optimistic outlook on life.
- Is he in touch with his emotional side? Are you sensitive to others? Many young people have a certain sensitivity; the problem comes when they don't want to manifest it. A guy who isn't ashamed to show his emotions to others is mature and confident.
- Do you flirt respectfully? Basically, the purpose of this question is: Does he seem to like you beyond your body or your appearance in general? The compliments he gives you also concern your intelligence and your sensitivity or does it focus only on your body?
- Does he take everything calmly? Guys who prefer to do things calmly love to savor them. It is important for them to fully live the experiences shared with a girl. Guys who move at the speed of light often change their minds and interests in a nanosecond… and in no time at all you see them flirting with someone else.
Step 2. Consider how they make you feel
Understanding your feelings is just as important as understanding what you value about each of them. One guy might look ideal on paper and have all the features you deem desirable, but the other guy may have the ability to get your heart racing with a simple text message. So when you are with them, don't just think about what you like, ask yourself if they make you feel confident, happy, with butterflies in your stomach and eager to improve. Here are some things to consider:
- How does it make you feel when you are together? Does it give you the impression of being interested only and exclusively in you? Does it seem like he's courting lots of girls at the same time and you're just another addition to his long list?
- Does it help you bring out the best in you or is it satisfied with who you are and doesn't encourage you to improve?
- Does it challenge you and inspire you to want to become a better person?
- Does he compliment you in a meaningful and anything but forced way?
- Does it make you blush, giggle and feel like a little girl with a first crush?
- Does he treat you like a lady and make you feel special?
Step 3. Consider the negative characteristics of each child
Maybe you tend to dwell more on the positive qualities of these two guys and why they make you feel butterflies in your stomach. However, you should also evaluate the negative aspects of their personality or lifestyle to clarify your ideas. If you've taken this decision seriously, then you need to consider the pros and cons that would come with any relationship. Here are some factors to look into when making your choice:
- Does this guy carry a lot of emotional baggage? Does he have a complicated past and a lot of personal problems to deal with? Sure, you have a lot of fun with him, but in the long run you will find yourself taking on those responsibilities to be a good girlfriend.
- Is he authoritarian and manipulative? Is he always trying to win or is he unable to admit his mistakes? These signs should not be overlooked: he is probably a little selfish, and remember that the situation could become unbearable if you are in a relationship.
- Did he lie to you? You have to aspire to a guy you can trust, a guy who isn't afraid to be honest with you, no matter how bad the truth hurts. Guys who love to gossip and spread false rumors generally don't give much importance to others. In other words, you better stay away from him.
- Does he constantly get into trouble at school, with his parents or with the authorities? Bad boys will have a certain charm, but they are usually constantly distracted by various stunts and adventures, so they don't have time to devote to a girlfriend.
- Are you still talking about your ex girlfriend? If he keeps talking about his ex, bringing her up every now and then or constantly, that's a bad sign. This doesn't mean he's a bad boy - it just means he still loves her.
Step 4. Consider what you think about yourself when you are with these guys
If both are absolutely into you, then the decision won't be easy. Either way, you shouldn't pick the guy who likes you the most just because you know you're safe. You should consider how important you are to each of them and how they would stay if you stop seeing them. If they just shrug and move on to the next girl, then they're not for you. If you think you like either of them more, this factor should play a major role in making the decision.
- You don't have to ask directly. You can get an idea of what a guy thinks of you by observing how he looks at you, how often he invites you out, and how often he talks about a future together.
- Of course, if you're just looking for a fun summer adventure or want to experience the opposite sex for a few months, then you don't have to give too much importance to what a guy thinks of you, because you don't care about his long-term potential..
Step 5. Ask your closest friends for their opinions
These people exist for a reason: they offer you a shoulder to cry on, they give you examples of proper behavior, and they give you advice when needed. Follow their suggestions, but take them with a grain of salt. In the end, you have to decide. Remember that you are not asking them to help you choose the best guy or the one they would prefer, you want them to help you decide which one is right for you.
- Don't ask, "Who do you like best?". Ask, "Which do you think is perfect for me?" These questions will not lead them to base the suggestions on their own preferences, they will have to consider the choice by putting themselves in your shoes.
- Be open to suggestions. If you've picked the guy you want to date, there's no point asking your friends for an opinion. When you want them to intervene, then be prepared to follow their advice.
Step 6. Write a list weighing the similarities and differences between the two boys
This helps you understand what you really want in the first place. How do they make you feel? Next, list the characteristics you absolutely want in a guy and the ones you hate. Make a table of pros and cons indicating the strengths and weaknesses of both. Notice the similarities between this pattern and your ideal guy list. Here are other questions you can ask yourself:
- "Which of the two will treat me better?"
- "Which one will be there for me in difficult times?"
- "With which of the two do I have the most in common?"
- "At the end of a long day, which one would I be happier to see?"
- "Which of the two would get along better with my friends and family?"
- "Without which one could I not live?"
Step 7. Trust your instincts
We cannot rationally choose the person we like. We are born in a certain way and over time we develop preferences and aversions. Don't worry. Trust what your gut tells you about these guys and make a gut decision. Flip a coin. Before you do this, establish the rules: if heads, you will choose Boy A, if tails, Boy B. While the coin is in the air, what is the result you instinctively want? This will be your answer.
- If you know a guy isn't right for you, but you can't stop feeling attracted to him (and the other guy doesn't really like you), take a break from both of them. Being single isn't that bad. In fact, it's much better than getting a burning disappointment.
- Learn from your mistakes. If you've dated a certain guy in the past and the relationship ended badly, don't make the same mistake again with another guy. As much as you feel attracted to him, what is the use of repeating once again that same path that broke your heart and caused you unhappiness?
Step 8. Don't rush
Don't feel like you have to make a choice right away. Your decision may take some time. Meanwhile, maybe one of the two guys does something positive or negative that will help you decide much more easily. As long as you don't make a commitment to either guy and don't feel unfair to a guy when you're dating the other, then you should take the time to come to a conclusion.
The important thing is not to drag it out for long. If you choose a guy, but then find that you've been dating the other guy for the past few months, he may feel hurt or offended
Part 2 of 2: After the Decision
Step 1. Make a commitment to be with your chosen boyfriend
Once you've made your decision, don't change your mind. This doesn't mean you have to tell him, "Hey, I preferred you to Boy A!". You wouldn't make him feel that special. Dedication shows itself through one's actions and feelings. Strive to cultivate a healthy and stable relationship only and exclusively with the boyfriend of your choice.
- Get used to dating and seeing only the guy of your choice. Appreciate the benefits of an exclusive relationship without wondering what the other person is doing.
- If you feel empty or incomplete without the other guy, that can mean two things: you made the wrong decision or you never liked the first guy that much. It was just the hunt that intrigued you.
- Be friendly towards the other guy, but don't go any further. Don't go out with him or invite him to do something alone. If you are overly sociable towards him, he may think he still has a chance. Also, your chosen guy may feel unnecessarily jealous.
Step 2. Prepare for the consequences
You must know that this choice directly affects the relationship you have with each of them. It's a double-edged sword in the world of relationships - chances are you'll break the heart of the one you've left out, and you won't have a chance to keep seeing it. If the sidelined guy is unaware of the other's existence, you don't have to go long or explain to him the real reason you're ending your "relationship". You should be happy after making your choice, but remember that things may still be a little rough.
- You also need to know that you may be pitting them against each other. What if they were friends? What to do at that point? If you pick one and the other has a crush on you, this friendship will likely end. To avoid this situation completely, perhaps it would be a good idea to set your sights on someone else.
- Get ready to lose the guy you left out. He may not want to remain your friend after showing him a sentimental interest or flirting with him. In any case, this may be preferable.
Step 3. Accept your decision
Life is yours, and you deserve to live as you want, while trying to hurt others as little as possible. Your choice may make you feel guilty, but you and these two guys will be much better off once you make peace with your feelings. Be proud of yourself for making a mature decision instead of pulling it out.
- Don't be afraid to make mistakes, the important thing is to learn from mistakes.
- Don't worry about everyone's liking; when you make a decision of this magnitude, it is normal to hurt someone's feelings.
Advice
- Remember: whatever advice you get from others, the only person who can make this decision is you.
- If you can't make up your mind and you know that after you do that you'll keep thinking, "Well, how would things have been if I had chosen the other?", Then try to forget both of them. By trying to choose, you risk complicating your life … and theirs too.
- If you ask questions like "Who did you choose?" or "When will you make a decision? Hurry up!" they start to irritate and stress you, better direct your love interests elsewhere. The sea is full of fish.
