We speak of internalized homophobia when a gay considers homosexuality in a negative way and, in some cases, even goes so far as to reject his own sexual identity. Those with internalized homophobia problems can also suffer from a strong internal conflict between the attraction they feel for people of their own sex and the desire to be heterosexual. This phenomenon can develop unconsciously during childhood when a subject comes to assimilate the beliefs of the parents, the attitudes of the community in which they live, the point of view of their peers, the condemnation of religious guides or the laws against homosexuals adopted by the State. Prejudices against homosexuals can prevent you from leading a fulfilling life, interfere with professional and personal fulfillment, compromise your self-esteem, or cause anxiety and depression. If you have problems with internalized homophobia, there are various ways to accept your sexual identity.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Identifying Internalized Homophobia
Step 1. Be willing to solve your problems
Sometimes it's easier to ignore your feelings and push them away. All this, in reality, just accumulates until it becomes unbearable. To deal with internalized homophobia, you need to be willing to externalize these feelings and face them head on.
- Make a conscious decision to identify and eliminate your internalized homophobia. While it can be difficult, remember why you are doing it. For example, you may have the goal of overcoming prejudices regarding your sexual orientation and, consequently, come to feel happier.
- Keep in mind that internalized homophobia can also cause relationship problems due to the severe malaise it causes. People with internalized homophobia may feel shame and anxiety and also have a bad opinion of other gay people, including their partner.
Step 2. Ask yourself questions
You can tell if you have internalized homophobia by asking yourself a few simple questions. If you answer yes to any of the following, then it is likely that you have internalized homophobia. Here are some of them:
- Have you ever wished you weren't attracted to people of the same sex?
- Have you ever tried to banish these feelings?
- Have you ever thought that same-sex sexual attraction is some kind of flaw?
- Have you ever tried to please people of the opposite sex?
- Do you avoid interacting with lesbians, gays or bisexuals?
- Has same-sex attraction ever made you feel a sense of personal alienation?
Step 3. Evaluate the impact of internalized homophobia
Consider the extent to which homophobia has affected your attitudes, your behaviors, your cultural background and your life choices. Maybe it prevented you from making friends with other people in the LGBT community or from achieving some goals you set for yourself.
- For example, it is possible that you have avoided bonding with other gay people because you have not accepted your feelings, or perhaps the idea that gay people should not be allowed to practice a sport has prevented you from pursuing your passion for football during adolescence.
- Internalized homophobia can also affect your love life. It has been shown that people with internalized homophobia tend to have more conflicting relationships with people of the same sex. This phenomenon can also lead to domestic violence between homosexual partners.
- To combat internalized homophobia, try something you've always wanted to do, but have never tried before. If you've always dreamed of playing football, sign up for a league. Even better, find an LGBT football team to play on!
Part 2 of 3: Eliminating Internalized Homophobia
Step 1. Set personal goals
It's important to combat the negative consequences of internalized homophobia, so setting goals is a great place to start. To do this, try engaging in something you've always avoided because you thought a gay wasn't capable of doing it. For example, if you like sports, you can aim to join a gay, lesbian or LGBT league.
If you don't find an LGBT team competing in your favorite sport in your city, consider forming one
Step 2. Learn to love yourself
It can be easier said than done and cost you a lot of time. Try doing something that helps fuel your self-esteem. For example, you might develop your own style or find a way to express yourself that would have been unthinkable in the past. By doing this, you will be able to build a positive image and believe in yourself.
- Encourage yourself every day. Formulate sentences to remember all your strengths. Also try leaving some cards scattered around the house to remind yourself how special you are. These messages can really help you accept the idea that you are an exceptional person.
- Treat yourself to a massage, facial cleansing, or other treatment that makes you feel good in your skin. If you feel good physically, you are more likely to feel good about yourself.
Step 3. Eliminate anything from your life that causes you to be homophobic
Often in the most severe cases of internalized homophobia, it is the surrounding environment that fuels personal prejudices against homosexuals. Homophobia can be overt, as in overtly offensive speeches against gays, or covert, in which aversion to homosexuals is simply hinted at or shines through in conversations. If someone you date exhibits both types of homophobia, you should avoid it until their attitude changes.
- Did you have homosexual peers in high school? Do your parents express their hatred of gays? Did homosexuals get condemned in the church you attended? Consider distancing yourself from intolerant environments or, alternatively, set boundaries with people in your life who despise gays.
- By fighting the homophobia of the people in your life, you will gain physical and mental benefits.
Step 4. Stay away from homophobic people
Do you work or are you in class with someone who makes negative comments about gay people or tells jokes about gay people? In these cases, try to keep your distance from that person.
- Also, since such comments are unacceptable, it would be wise to report the author to a human resources director, professor, or school counselor. A figure capable of defending you can help improve the working or school climate.
- If you are exposed to aversion towards homosexual people, there is a risk that your self-esteem and self-esteem will suffer a severe blow, so it is important to distance yourself from people who exhibit homophobic attitudes.
Step 5. Discuss with friends who make homophobic remarks
It is not always possible to find a third person to support you when someone makes a homophobic comment. For example, if there is a friend who sometimes expresses his impatience in words, perhaps you should say something to him to stop talking in this way.
- To do this, identify what homophobic comments were. For example, if he expresses his aversion to homosexuals, you might say, "I feel uncomfortable with how you just used the word 'gay'. Please, can you express yourself another way in the future?"
- Make sure you focus on the behavior rather than making personal attacks. In other words, don't accuse the person of homophobia. Instead, he explains that his remarks manifest contempt for homosexuals.
Part 3 of 3: Enlist the help of other people
Step 1. Spend some time with people from the LGBT community
If you are dealing with a homophobic individual, ask other LGBT people how they handle or have dealt with homophobia in their life. Also, by regularly dating other homosexuals, you can feel less lonely when you have to fight against this kind of intolerance. By forming strong relationships with other people in the LGBT community, you have the ability to defend yourself from any feelings of persistent disgust or hatred you have towards yourself.
- Try taking the time to volunteer for gay-run charities or join a gay club. If you do good deeds and at the same time help yourself to overcome your internalized homophobia, it is a win-win situation from all points of view.
- If there is a gay bar in your city, you may want to spend some time there. You don't necessarily have to have a drink to spend a few pleasant moments socializing in this kind of place.
Step 2. Surround yourself with people who can support you
A positive environment in which you can receive support from people can increase your self-esteem, improve your outlook on life and make you more peaceful. Try surrounding yourself with people who accept and defend your sexual orientation.
- Surround yourself with friends who accept your sexual orientation. Changing friendships can take time and be emotionally difficult, but it's worth it for mental health and personal well-being.
- Choose an employer that accepts LGBT people. If your employer doesn't support you and your business environment is hostile, maybe it's time to start looking for a new job.
- Among the associations to be taken into consideration, take Arcigay into account. It is a safe place where you can find open and friendly people fighting homophobia.
Step 3. Seek professional help
If you suffer from depression or your internalized homophobia doesn't give you a break, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. You could go to a psychologist, a psychotherapist, or a psychoanalyst. Make sure he is not prejudiced against gays, since a homophobic therapist - even if he is very veiled - could make the situation worse.
Don't hesitate to do your research in an attempt to find someone who can help you manage your problem. Ask the professional you are considering what their position is in relation to the homosexual issue and let them know that you are not willing to work with someone who is homophobic
Advice
- It will probably take some time for you to feel good about yourself. Don't be disheartened if you don't feel better within a short time.
- There are many negative stereotypes against LGBT people. Find ways to defend yourself and prevent the aversion of others from compromising your self-esteem.
