You've probably noticed that one of your friends is acting differently or is calmer than usual. If you have any suspicions, follow your gut and find out what's going on. If you want to ask him if everything is okay, make sure you choose the right time. Learn to direct the conversation on helpful topics and show your support. Finally, if necessary, encourage him to seek outside help.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Preparing the Approach
Step 1. Talk privately
Choose the right place to talk to your friend. If you ask him how he is in front of other people, he may feel embarrassed and not answer truthfully. For example, if you are in a bar or restaurant, you may not want others to hear your response, even if it is from strangers. If you want to talk to him, do it when you are alone, away from prying eyes.
You could talk to him in the car, while walking, or when you are in a secluded place
Step 2. Eliminate any distractions
Don't show up while he is busy with something, is on the phone, talking to someone, or has other thoughts, such as the exam he has to take the next day. You better have some time to spare without the risk of something interrupting or distracting you.
For example, if you are at his house and your parents or siblings are constantly interrupting you, go somewhere where you can rest easy
Step 3. Get ready
Be ready to listen, intervene and support. Nothing should distract you, so find some time for it. Don't have other things on your mind or that might distract you, like a phone call you're waiting for. Choose the right time, free from thoughts and commitments.
- Remember that you cannot "solve" anyone's problems. If the other person isn't ready to talk or doesn't want to, forget it.
- If you think you might get nervous talking about something personal, try to list the key points to address.
Part 2 of 3: Explain your Concerns
Step 1. Take a friendly approach, but don't mask your apprehension
When talking to your friend, be loving, open, and kind. Show him that you are worried and that you want to help and support him. Even if you think it's best to approach the issue by chance, let him know that you care about his well-being.
- Tell him, "I'm worried about you and I want to know if you're okay."
- Non-verbal communication can help you express how worried you are. Sit in front of him and make eye contact as you speak. If it seems appropriate, you could put a hand on his shoulder to show him that you care.
Step 2. Ask him how he is
When you are ready to speak, start by asking him a few questions. You can start by simply asking, "Are you okay?" Keep in mind that there are several ways to know how she is. Ask him, "How have you been lately?" or "How are you? Do you want to talk about it?".
The beginning can be the hardest part of the conversation. Get straight to the point and allow him to respond as he pleases
Step 3. Mention something in particular
If there is something that worries you or makes you on your toes, bring it up. Investigate more especially if you see him surprised or a little defensive about your question. Talk about what you have noticed and why you are apprehensive.
- For example, say, "I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time alone lately. Are you okay?"
- You can also put it this way: "You've been very on your own during this time. Did something happen?"
- Try to make objective observations without speculating or making accusations.
Step 4. Avoid arguing
See if she doesn't want to talk about it or if she gets defensive right away. You don't have to clash or argue. If it doesn't answer your questions, forget it. Reiterate your concerns and your availability in case he needs you.
- If he takes a defensive attitude, ask him, "Is there anyone else you prefer to talk to?" or "I'll leave you alone, but please don't hesitate to call me if you want to let off steam."
- Keep in mind that you will likely have to go through the matter several times before he confides his situation to you. Try not to insist on the first or second attempt.
Step 5. Find out if he wants to commit suicide
If he is pondering this extreme possibility, keep calm and don't leave him alone. Bring up the topic and ask for help if necessary. He may tell you how he feels or what he plans to do. If you are worried, ask him, "Are you thinking of harming yourself or taking your own life?".
- If they are afraid to ask for help, suggest that they call the Friendly Phone (199.284.284) or call the emergency services.
- After the phone call, offer to help him find a mental health professional or follow the advice given by the provider he spoke to.
Part 3 of 3: Responding to Your Problems
Step 1. Be willing to listen
It's not enough for you to ask him if he's okay. The most important part comes later, when you have to show him that you are willing to listen to him and offer your support. Make sure you take the time to pay attention to him if he decides to open up. Stand facing him and look him in the eye. You nod and confirm that you are listening to him by saying "yes" or "I understand". Reflect on his words to let him know that you understand the situation and his state of mind.
- For example, say, "I'm really sorry this is making you sad and nervous."
- Don't tell him you know what he's feeling. You have to stay close to him and put yourself in his shoes as much as possible to imagine what he is going through.
Step 2. Avoid judging
Even if you disagree with him, don't say it right away and don't start arguing. Don't blame him for what he's going through even if you think his problems are up to him. Keep in mind that it was you who asked him if there was something wrong. Whatever your opinion is, keep it to yourself, at least for the moment.
For example, if he admits that he has a drug problem, don't scold him for using drugs. Listen to him and offer your support when he confesses his problem
Step 3. Recognize his difficulties
As you listen to her story, recognize what she is going through and how she feels. If he is going through a period full of vicissitudes, take this into account and understand his problems. Show him that you are attentive to his words and that you empathize with his situation.
- Just try to listen and put yourself in his shoes before offering advice. You might ask him, "What do you plan to do about it?" If you help him find concrete solutions, he will feel stronger and able to cope.
- If you don't know what to say, consider the following words: "It looks like a pretty complicated situation" or just "Terrible".
Step 4. Encourage him to react
If he has to make a decision, push him to take the next step. You could encourage them to see a therapist, evaluate a rehabilitation center, or talk to family and friends. Perhaps you could encourage him to take certain medications or take a break from work or studies.
Say, "Thank you for opening up to me. I think you might want to consider talking to a professional or asking for help."
Step 5. Stay in touch with him
Call him to find out how he is. Tell him you haven't forgotten. Text him, call him or meet him in person. Let him know that you intend to support him and help him in times of need.
- Keep asking him, "How are you?" not to lose sight of it.
- Also ask him: "How can I help you?".
