How to Recontact an Old Friend (with Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Getting back in touch with someone from your past can be an emotional, nostalgic, haunted, or moving experience, sometimes even at the same time. If you have decided to try to reconnect with an old friend, knowing where to look (and what to do once you find the person in question) can save you a lot of time and decrease the chances of your meeting turning into a moment of embarrassment.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Contacting Old Friends

Step 1. Search for your friends on social media

Nowadays, the simplest and most direct way to find someone is, generally, to use social networks. Almost all sites of this type allow you to search for their users by name. If you can find your friend and find out that he has a public profile, contacting him will be quite simple; all you have to do is send him a message with the site's internal messaging service. The most popular social networks to start looking on are Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and Google+. One in four people used at least one social media in 2013, so there's a good chance you'll find your longtime friend on at least one of these sites.

If you can't find your friend by looking up their name, try entering your old school or place of business and letting people who "like" or commented on the page pass through. Your friend may have linked their account to one of these pages

Step 2. Try using a search engine

If you can't find your friend on a social network, you can try using a search engine as a next step. These sites will allow you to find the internet pages on which your friend's name appears.

A good strategy to use is to put your friend's name in quotes and enter it in the search bar - for example: "John Doe." This way the search engine will look for the pages where the first and last name appear in sequence, instead of also showing the results where they appear separated.
You can also try adding the names of people or places your friend is connected to to narrow the search results, for example: "Mario Rossi" Liceo ABC Milano.

Step 3. Contact any acquaintances in common

If you can't find your friend, someone else might. Try calling someone who knew him; a mutual acquaintance, an old boss or teacher, a colleague or, if you have a lot of tact, an ex might do. Even if these people are unaware of your old friend's current contact details, they could put you on the right path by letting you have some recent news about him.

Step 4. Contact your school or student organization

Most high schools and universities keep track of their graduate students; they will often try to keep an updated address and telephone number in their databases, to communicate any job offers or other useful information to their alumni. Try contacting your old friend's school or college to inquire about him, especially if he's a guy who was very active in school at the time. However, remember that many secretariats may not be available to give you information of this type, for privacy reasons.

Step 5. Try searching the phone book or a website

Sites such as Paginebianche.it for example, allow you to find a person's phone number or address by entering their name and city of residence, provided you know them. If you can't find what you're looking for, you might as well try contacting your friend's municipality of residence, as long as it hasn't changed, although this may be slower.

Simply enter your friend's name and city of residence.
Try name variations. Your friend Gianni may be registered with his first name, Giovanni.

Step 6. Attend meetings

Many schools hold class or school meetings quite frequently, sometimes every five years, but often every year as well. If you know the school you and your friend used to go to is planning an alumni meeting, don't miss it.

Even if you don't find your friend, you will likely meet someone who could give you an indication of where he is or where to look

Step 7. Consider using a paid investigation service

If you can't find your friend in any other way, paying a small amount may be the ultimate solution. A private investigator will allow you to contact even that person from your past who seems to have completely disappeared into thin air. Remember, however, that these services are never free and that in the case of a private investigator the sum required could be substantial. It is generally best to try free options before spending the hard-earned money.

Step 8. Remember that women may have changed their names after getting married

As you do your research, don't forget that it's quite common for a woman to take her husband's surname once she's married. While many women today prefer to keep their last name, many don't, so keep this possibility in mind.

Although the scientific data on the subject vary, there is no doubt that adopting the husband's surname is the most traveled path even by women today. Research has established that just over 60% of women who marry between the ages of 20 and 30 take their husband's surname, while those who marry at an older age do so with an even greater probability

Part 2 of 3: Rekindling Old Friends

Step 1. Send a friendly welcome message

When you have found your friend, gather all your courage and contact him! Call him, send him a message, an email, or maybe write him a letter; it's up to you to decide. Don't delay too long, though, or you may miss the opportunity, as your friend may always have to move or change phone numbers.

If you found him on a social network, you could try sending him a short personal message like:

Hi! It's been a lifetime. I hope you still remember me; we went to college together. Anyway, I just got back to town and I wanted to try to hear from you. Let me know if you are interested in having a coffee! See you
But if you've found someone in the real world, you can afford to send a slightly more challenging message. Here is a short example of a letter that you could use as a template for a postal correspondence or email. Pay attention to the instructions in brackets:

Dear Name), It's been a long time since we last met. How are you? I hope everything goes well. The last time we met was the day of the final exam; do you remember how hot it was and how much we sweated? (Replace this anecdote as you like). After that day life was so hectic that I was never able to say goodbye, even though I knew I would miss you. Well, I've decided to fix it. I'm back in town and I'd love to hear from you. Call me at (your number). If you feel like we could have a coffee somewhere! I'd really like that.

A hug, (your name)"

Step 2. Have a quiet meeting

If you and your friend haven't seen each other in a while, you may not even get along as well as they used to. You may, for example, have developed different opinions and personalities in the time you have been apart, which may make it difficult to get things back to the way they used to. Since this unhappy scenario is unfortunately possible, try to make your first meeting very relaxed. Having a coffee, having an aperitif or a lunch break together could be perfect occasions with a low level of commitment; if you get along, perfect: when you're done you can go somewhere else together. If the meeting is not a success, however, you can leave after an hour without embarrassment.

It may be advisable to design a "plan B" to use in case things go particularly well in your first meeting. For example, before you go to your appointment, you might look up the address of the old bowling alley you used to frequent. If everything goes well, you can go straight there after the coffee!
Do not invite other friends to this meeting. Having a more intimate encounter will allow you to reconnect.

Step 3. Invite your friend for a second meeting

If your first meeting goes well, you can probably start inviting your friend back into your life. An easy way to do this is to ask him to attend social events that you would have gone to anyway. This way you will surely have fun, as you will be attending an occasion that you would have enjoyed anyway, regardless of who is with you. Also, since you will feel comfortable doing something familiar, it will be easier for you to chat with your old friend.

Step 4. Introduce your old friend to your new friends

Once you start inviting your old friend out on a regular date, introducing him to your new friends will be pretty much inevitable. Do not be afraid! Let it happen naturally. Make it clear to both your new friends and your old friend that you don't have any "favorites" and make sure you don't leave anyone out of the conversation.

A good way to proceed in this type of situation is to talk to both groups of friends about each other's interests before bringing them together. This will give them more conversation topics: "Ah, I hear you can play the guitar!"
Keep in mind, though, that some of your new friends may not necessarily like your friend right away. Since your friends won't have many experiences in common, they will likely have fewer things to say to you. It's not a problem; they don't have to like each other, as long as you like them.
If your friend is married and has children, invite his or her family to join in as well. For example, you can organize a meeting for couples or the introduction of both families.

Step 5. Enjoy the nostalgia, but create new memories

In the words of the great James Gandolfini, "" 'Do you remember when' is the lowest form of conversation. " It's okay to bask in memories of the good days we had together, but it's important to start planning something fun to do in the future as well. Don't let your relationship be defined by the past; you would end up getting bored of each other or feeling the frustration of having nothing more to say.

Part 3 of 3: Avoid Embarrassment

Step 1. Keep the conversation balanced

You may be looking forward to all the things that have happened to him since you last saw him, but don't bother him with questions. Likewise, don't bombard him with your personal information or brag too much about your current life. Instead, keep the conversation balanced by gradually exchanging your information with one another.

Don't feel obligated to share information that is too personal.
Balance the questions with some details about yourself.

Step 2. Address any old conflicts directly, but politely

If you haven't broken up on cordial terms, it will probably be best to fix the problem right away, possibly even the first time you resent it. Pretending bad memories don't exist is a bad choice. Doing so would give the impression that you don't care about your friend's feelings or that, worse, you are deliberately ignoring them, so it's best to swallow your pride and openly acknowledge any tension right away.

If, after spending time apart, you have decided that your breakup was entirely your fault, sincerely apologize. If you don't think you were wrong, however, simply acknowledge your desire to move on with a few words, such as: “Hey, I know the last time we met, we didn't break up in the best way. I was hoping we could leave everything behind and start from scratch."

Step 3. Keep your expectations in check

Try not to immediately revert to the same level of intimacy you had with your old friend in the past. Remember that he may not have the same expectations for your meeting; for example, he might be interested in having a simple coffee without too many consequences, while you might want to rekindle your friendship. It is best not to invest too much hope in your meeting before it occurs. Deal with it with an upbeat but calm attitude. By doing this, you won't end up feeling hurt or disappointed, however it turns out.

Step 4. Don't take your friend's opinions for granted

To avoid embarrassing missteps, try not to touch on controversial topics before you understand how your friend feels. Remember that even though you used to talk often about these topics, it may not be the same today. The opinions of people, even those closest to us, can be shaped and shaped by experience until they become completely different. Below is a short list of topics that may be best avoided until you have a chance to "rate" your friend:

Religion
Politics
Controversial news reports
Money
Gossiping about mutual friends
The opposite sex

Step 5. If you are having difficulty in the conversation, ask him something

Can't find something to say to your old friend? Try asking him what he's been up to since you last met. As he responds, ask him more questions about what he is telling you. People generally like to talk about themselves; some psychological studies have shown that people spend most of their time talking about themselves rather than others. Here are some sample questions you could try asking your friend:

Where have you worked or studied recently?
How are things with the boys / girls?
How is your family?
Can you help me with this problem I was thinking about?
Have you read any good books recently?

Step 6. If you are old enough, release the tension with a drink

A responsible amount of alcohol can help ease awkward social situations. If you are of legal age, then, you and your friend might have an alcoholic drink or two to calm the shudder that talking to an old friend for the first time in a long time can make. With a little luck, after a cocktail or two, you will feel calmer, friendlier and ready to have fun!