If you identify with more than one gender, then the sooner you accept this fact and the sooner you can move on with your life. Whether this means a transition, or just accepting who you are, there are several steps to understanding if you really are a transsexual. Prepare yourself for a quest for yourself and know that you will come out stronger than before.
Steps
Step 1. Be patient
Sometimes it takes a long time to know if you are really a transsexual or not. If you feel like you are "late" or "too old" to be a trans, you are not. There are people who didn't realize they were trans (or were in a state of denial) until they were 30, 40 or even 50. Remember it is not a competition; it is about self-realization. Learning who you are is one of the first steps to be at peace with yourself.
Step 2. Understand what it means to be a transsexual
Being a transsexual doesn't mean having a limited life. You may have seen TV shows where trans people said they knew this from a young age and are interested in learning about how cisgenders should behave. Understand that not all trans people were fully aware of this from an early age, nor did they always show a real interest in traditional expectations for their own sex. It's okay if when you were little you liked to put on clothes, play with toy soldiers, or play with jump rope. Remember that things like clothes or games are just expressions, not "signs" of someone's sexuality. Think of it this way: Why is it normal for a cisgender to be unisex? For example, why is it okay for a cisgender girl to be sporty and open, while a transgender girl "must" be feminine and sensitive, based on stereotypes about women? Expressions of sexuality and one's sexual identity are not the same.
Being a transsexual does not mean being "gay / straight". Sex and sexuality are two different parts of someone's identity. Sexual orientation is who you like, while sexual identity is what / who you are as a person. It is not "uncommon" or "irrational" to be gay and transsexual. There are many trans who are gay, bisexual, pansexual or asexual. It wouldn't make sense for all transsexuals to be in a heterosexual relationship, while cisgenders can be straight, gay, bisexual, and more. Homosexual men and women are still cisgender people simply by identifying with the sex assigned to them at birth. When a heterosexual transsexual is called "gay", it is like saying that being a transsexual is a way to continue the stereotype that "normal is heterosexual", as if it were "fake" or a "trick" to be part of an average group. It is not to be attractive or "normal" in the eyes of others, it is about one's own happiness and freedom
Step 3. Try to imagine your future, daydream, fantasize about what you want in life
Where do you see yourself in 10 or 20 years? Do you see yourself as a happy man or woman? Do you see yourself as a man who enjoys himself, likes being with old friends, starting a family, doing fun things or just relaxing? Take your time and see what you feel. If you enjoy fantasizing about seeing yourself as a man or woman with someone you really like and have experienced a strange feeling of happiness doing this, you may be a transsexual. Think about whether that's what you want or not. Remember that some physical changes due to hormones or surgery may be irreversible, so make sure you are ready to accept these changes.
Step 4. Do your research
Learn how hormones work and see if and how any operations might work for you. It's okay if you prefer to only take hormones instead of having surgery, or if you just want to do the top operation without taking hormones. There are people who are comfortable with only one or a few of these options. What matters is what makes you feel comfortable.
Step 5. Accept
Learn to accept yourself and love who you are. It is your right to express or doubt yourself in any way you see yourself. It is important to listen to what you are feeling and not what others tell you you should be hearing. If you choose not to doubt your sexual identity because you are concerned about the opinion of others, you could make your life worse simply by not listening to yourself and always listening to others. You have to remember that you only have one life and that you cannot end it with regrets.
Step 6. Consult a sex therapist
While they can't establish your true sexual identity, they can guide you on your path. Having a good therapist could really improve your life. Simply talking about what you are feeling could help you figure out who you are. It's important to ask yourself questions and analyze why you feel the way you do. Be careful and be selective in your choice. Ask different shemales about who works well in this field. A wrong therapist would only waste your time and money.
Advice
- Keep a journal of how you feel as you walk this walk. You may need it in the future as you delve deeper into your path.
- If you like to draw, you may want to try drawing yourself in different genders. You can try making a cartoon of yourself while doing what you want. You can draw how you might look after a transition. Simply express yourself!
- Nobody can tell you if you are a transsexual. It's like being homosexual, no one can tell you what kind of person you are. Only you can establish your sexual identity.
- You can have more than one sexual identity. Transsexual is an umbrella term for sexual identity or the expression of being different. Transsexual means someone who feels or identifies with the opposite sex. You may not be transsexual if you both feel, or neither or something else, you may be curious about sex, which is another umbrella term for something that is outside what is termed "normal". These people can identify as Genderqueer (a mixture of different genders), Bigender (two different genders in one person), Gender Fluid (gender depending on the change) or Agender (without any gender). All are transsexuals.
- Many transsexuals consider that the choice of their sexual partner should change later on in their journey. Do not assume that your sexual preferences will remain the same. Be open to unexpected possibilities.
- If you have learned that you are a cisgender (i.e. you are not transsexual), it is still okay that you are not even after long doubting. The important thing is that you have learned a little more about yourself and to be more understanding about it.
- Try to befriend some trannies who might help you on your journey. Ask them which names and pronouns they prefer and adopt their advice. You can also watch YouTube videos of people transitioning or expressing their views on having a sexual identity.
- Even if you don't want children for now, consider that your feelings may change over time. Sperm and egg banks are a great option to consider before undergoing lifelong infertility treatment due to hormone intake.
Warnings
- Pay attention to the people you talk to about your doubts about your sexual identity. Some people may not understand and believe that it can be true (such as the myths about being transsexual). Some may even become hostile or say hurtful things towards you.
- Be careful talking to your parents about your doubts or sexual identity if you still depend on them. It's a good idea to take it easy at first - try talking about transsexual cases in the news to see how they react. If they seem very intolerant, proceed with caution. If you think they might get aggressive or kick you out because of your sexual identity, wait or have a back-up plan ready in case things go wrong.
- Don't rush things. While it is rare for someone to have a physical transition and then realize that they are not transsexual, you may regret having thought you were transsexual without first analyzing the situation well.
