Life is full of obstacles and it is easy to be disheartened by problems. Even if you can't control what happens to you every day, you still have control of your reactions and the possibility of developing an optimistic attitude! By reflecting on yourself and reorganizing yourself, you can learn to react positively and improve your outlook on life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing the Way You Talk to Yourself
Step 1. Identify negative thoughts
You risk ruining yourself by ruminating pessimistically without even realizing it. So, start by becoming aware of negative thoughts and how they can affect you. Here's how they can manifest themselves:
- Filter or minimize the positive aspects, emphasizing the negative ones;
- Extremely or see things black or white, with no middle ground;
- Turn everything into a catastrophe or just imagine the worst case scenarios.
Step 2. Focus on positive thoughts
With a little practice, you can learn how to transform your way of thinking. Start by following a simple rule: don't say anything you wouldn't say to a friend. Be kind to yourself. Encourage yourself in the way you would encourage someone you love.
Step 3. Practice being optimistic
It is wrong to think that some people are inherently optimistic while others are inherently pessimistic. In reality, optimism takes practice. Try to see the bright side of things. Instead of thinking, "I've never done this before," try saying to yourself, "This is the right time to learn something new."
Step 4. Try to silence the more "critical part of yourself"
We all have that inner voice that tends to criticize or question us. It can tell us that we are not good enough, that we are not talented enough, or that we do not deserve the affection of others. Thinking this way, we go to great lengths to protect ourselves from any failure or disappointment in love, but in truth we just hold back. When the most critical part of yourself takes the floor, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do these thoughts correspond to reality?
- Is it possible that they are not true? Can I admit the possibility that they are not true?
- Is there any chance that he is not good enough, skillful and worthy of being loved?
Step 5. Don't live in the past
If the guilt, pain, or regret of past circumstances brings you down, try working on yourself to release those emotions.
- You decide to let something go. Write what it is about and / or talk about it out loud.
- Express your pain and / or assume your responsibilities. If there's something you need to tell someone, don't hesitate, even if it's just saying, "I'm sorry."
- Forgive yourself and others. Keep in mind that anyone can be wrong. No one is perfect and everyone deserves another chance (even you).
Part 2 of 3: Reframing your Vision of Life
Step 1. Stop being a perfectionist
Life is never all black or white. Demanding perfection means never feeling up to it. To overcome delusions of perfectionism, start by adjusting your expectations. Are the standards you set yourself higher than those of others? What would you expect from someone else if they were in the same situation as you? If you can show someone else your satisfaction with how they handled a certain task, don't hesitate to congratulate yourself.
Step 2. Do something that gets you out of your shell
Pick something you're probably not very good at, like climbing rocks, playing ping-pong, or painting. Don't worry if the results fall short of your expectations. Try to savor the joy of engaging in an activity that you are not naturally suited to. By doing so, you will open yourself up to new opportunities, let go of perfectionism and ultimately improve your outlook on life.
Step 3. Don't rush and pay attention
Take a moment to breathe. Try not to take the step longer than the leg. Focus less on what others are thinking and more on what you are actually experiencing. Taste the food. Look out of the window. When you strive to live in the present, every moment becomes more enjoyable.
Step 4. Stop importing new rules
You will most likely carry a huge burden of "shoulds" with you. These restrictions risk fueling feelings of guilt, anxiety and judgment. When you apply them to yourself, you may close yourself off from everything that brings you joy. When you apply them to others, you run the risk of being bossy or obtuse. Forget the rules of life that you don't need.
Step 5. Give yourself a chance to laugh and joke
If you don't take everything too seriously, you are capable of handling various kinds of situations. Humor can make moments even more pleasant, or sad and stressful ones more bearable.
- Make a few jokes;
- Go for a stroll;
- Find the fun side in everyday life.
Step 6. Think about the good things in your life
Often, we spend our lives looking for what we have under our noses. When we feel the need to be encouraged and accepted, we pursue the dream of earning money and prestige. Instead of constantly focusing on what you think you want, take a moment to appreciate what you already have. Think you are in good health, remember a recent success, or value the fact that you woke up this morning.
Part 3 of 3: Improving Your Relationships
Step 1. Surround yourself with positive people
Make sure the people in your life have a constructive attitude and support you. Choose people you can rely on. If those around you often speak ill of others, complain or create conflict situations, begin to distance yourself from them. Try to make friends with more positive people, perhaps by attending a yoga class or a sports club.
Step 2. Avoid jumping to conclusions
When you think you know what is going to happen, you are induced not to observe what is actually happening, acting on what you think rather than what is in front of you. When you think you know what people think, stop listening to them. These attitudes can cause you a lot of suffering and a lot of problems. Instead of making rash judgments, try to listen and observe.
Step 3. Don't ignore your feelings
Many times we behave in a way that numbs ourselves emotionally and ignores the most unpleasant emotions. However, sadness has its advantages: it makes us feel alive. In fact, pain can have a profound rejuvenating effect that increases the ability to savor joy. When bitter feelings arise, pay attention and process them by writing or talking to someone.
Step 4. Think about your own business
There is a Polish proverb that roughly says: "If they are not my monkeys, they are not my circus." This saying reminds us that we must not meddle in the problems of others. Misfortunes and conflicts can greatly discourage our spirit.
- Try not to interfere in other people's quarrels;
- Avoid gossiping! Don't talk behind others' backs;
- Don't let people drag you into their discussions or push you to take a stand.
Step 5. Be nice
Try to respect people and interact in a courteous and constructive manner. This way you will not only feel better, but you will also be able to catalyze positive people. According to some research, when we try to be positive (even if we are not happy), we quickly find a good mood.
Advice
- Get in shape. A healthy body helps you cope with stress more effectively. Remember: "Mens sana in corpore sano".
- Be sociable. Whether it's a religious group, yoga or sewing class, look for new opportunities to make friends at school or in your hometown.
- If you think you are depressed, talk to a therapist or doctor to find out what treatments are best for you.
Warnings
- Suicide is not the right choice under any circumstances.
- Be careful not to argue with people who treat you badly. Avoid them or behave calmly and maturely.
- If the stress is so overwhelming that it becomes intolerable, call a telephone line that offers help in the most critical situations. There are many resources available in religious associations as well.
- If you are a victim of domestic or sexual violence, seek help! No one has the right to abuse and mistreat you, but you can find the courage to speak up.
