Interpersonal communications to someone can cause serious difficulties, a real discomfort associated with psychic states such as anxiety or fear. If you have this problem, you may have a social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder. There are many strategies you can try to be able to cope with daily interactions more effectively.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Coping with Social Anxiety Disorder
Step 1. Deal with negative thoughts
Social phobia can cause you to develop negative self-reflections when dealing with an interpersonal interaction. You may think that you will make a bad impression or humble yourself: the first step in overcoming this problem is to identify the thoughts as they appear. Knowing the cause of this anxiety disorder can help you beat it.
When you have these thoughts, stop for a moment and say, "No, I won't look bad. I am strong and competent, so I will cope with this situation successfully."
Step 2. Test to see if your fears are true
After addressing and identifying the thoughts, analyze the fear. Try replacing negative thoughts with positive, realistic mental images.
Ask yourself questions about negative thoughts. For example, ask yourself, "How can I be sure that I will humble myself in front of everyone?" or "How do I know the presentation is going to go wrong?". Then, ask yourself, "If I make a mistake, will it be the end of the world?" The logical answers to these questions are as follows: you will almost certainly not make a fool of yourself and you will not make mistakes. Even if this happens, you are a human being, as are everyone who looks at you. Even professionals can make mistakes
Step 3. Stop making unrealistic predictions
People who suffer from social phobia make a serious mistake: they make false and unreal predictions about the social situation they fear. It is impossible to predict what will happen: if you try, you will only end up thinking about the worst case, which will not even come close to the actual development of the actual event. This unnecessarily causes anxiety.
- Remember that you have the power to change maddening thoughts. For example, if you have to go to a wedding, focus on the fact that you will not be the center of attention.
- Imagine being at the wedding, talking confidently with the guests and having fun.
Step 4. Remember that not everyone judges you
Social phobia often comes from the idea of being constantly under the scrutiny of others. If so, retrace your steps and remember that generally people don't focus on you - by the way, even if they did, they wouldn't see you the way you do.
- Don't try to read other people's minds. It is impossible to know what they think. They also don't perceive the same negative image that you have in your mind.
- Take advantage of various social contexts to practice and try to change the negative thoughts that haunt you. Practice stopping and changing those thoughts that make you believe you are being scrutinized by others.
Step 5. Remember that everyone feels anxious
You are not the only one fighting anxiety in various social situations. Over 12% of the population suffer from it, and by the way this number is increasing.
Understanding this can help put you on the same level as anyone around you. You are not alone in having certain fears. Also, since everyone feels anxious from time to time, remembering this can make you realize that people will not criticize or judge you when they realize that you are anxious
Step 6. Remember that overcoming this problem takes practice
You can't get over social anxiety overnight - it takes commitment and a lot of exercise. You will acquire new behaviors, mental patterns and social skills. This all takes practice. However, you will gradually assimilate these new abilities and begin to be able to defeat or manage your phobia.
Step 7. Change your point of view
One way to combat anxiety is to shift your focus when you are in the company of other people, so that you can take it away from yourself and focus on something else. Try to pay attention to your surroundings and conversations, try to connect with people.
- Try to understand one thing: no matter how focused you are on what others think of you, people don't really dwell on what you are or do. If a statement or action of yours is embarrassing, others may not even notice it, or in any case they would forget it immediately.
- If while you are in the company of other people you notice that the classic symptoms of anxiety are about to surface, try to focus on something else. They won't be as obvious as you think. It is very rare for people to notice the somatic signs of anxiety or even panic attacks. Instead, dwell on the sensory experiences of the social event itself: the music you listen to, the taste of each bite or the forms of entertainment, such as art or dance.
- In various social contexts, people are at least as nervous as you are, so too busy focusing on themselves.
Method 2 of 4: Working on Your Fears
Step 1. Proceed gradually
Make a list of 10 situations that cause you anxiety. Rank them, putting the most stressful one at the top of the list. Starting from the bottom, try to gradually deal with any activity that makes you anxious.
- Before moving on to a more stressful context, wait until you feel more or less comfortable with the previous situation. You have to defeat anxiety, not exacerbate it.
- It can take some time to go through the entire list, so don't worry. You may not be able to complete it, however, if you have been able to cope with situations 1-7, the social phobia will have become considerably more manageable.
- If you think you are having a hard time coping with the list, seek help from a therapist who can support you as you try to overcome any fears on the list.
Step 2. Set concrete goals
Overcoming social anxiety can seem like a confusing process. How to know when you start to feel better? Making your appearance in an interpersonal context is not enough. It's the first step, but then you need to work hard to interact more. For each interpersonal experience, set specific goals. Once you get there, you can begin to see progress and personal improvement.
- Have a conversation with people you see often, such as employees, classmates, or other people around you. Just a comment on the climate, on homework, on a work project or on the meeting you attended just before. In the beginning, make it a goal to talk to someone once a week. Then do it daily, or chat with multiple people in one day.
- Make it a goal to make a comment in class or during a lesson. Don't worry about what others will think. Focus on succeeding. This too is progress.
- If you are in a group, make a commitment to make at least 3 comments during the conversation.
- Invite someone over for dinner. This can be a friend or someone who interests you from a sentimental point of view. Don't focus on the answer - just think about being sure and asking this question.
- This helps you focus on the task and goal, not nervousness. The idea is to take control of the situation. You then become aware that you can control what you do, what you say and what you ask. You can't control others, so don't worry about it.
- You can also try practicing at home with a friend what you will do or say in various social settings.
Step 3. Relax
Try to program your mind to stop worrying about social interactions. Instead, calm down - obsessing and stressing yourself out over these events makes you feel anxious when you are actually in the company of other people.
- Try to think about the event in a moment of relaxation. Take a warm bath, curl up under a comfy blanket or listen to your favorite song. Consider this social situation that you fear so much. Since your mind has a good predisposition and is quiet, this can help you feel better ahead of the event.
- Imagine finding yourself living the situation. Imagine that you are calm and confident. Thinking about the event in a positive and relaxed way can help you overcome negativity.
Step 4. Practice deep breathing
It can be a great way to manage anxiety before or during social events. It can help you reduce the somatic symptoms of anxiety, many of which result from particularly rapid breathing. Do breathing exercises every day, so that they become natural and go directly to your rescue in stressful situations.
- Breathe with your abdomen, not your chest. To do this, lie on the floor or sit up straight. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. As you inhale, the hand on your abdomen should move, while the hand on your chest should remain almost completely in place.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose. Count to 7. Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 8. Gently contract your abs to expel all air from your lungs - this is extremely important.
- Take five deep breaths. Try to complete one every 10 seconds.
Step 5. Get support from friends and family
Talking about this issue with loved ones is extremely important. A good friend or family member will help you get motivated and overcome your fear. As you gain courage to try something new, ask these people to support you.
- Ask your family or friends to accompany you to places that cause you anxiety. Sometimes going somewhere new with someone you trust can help ease your anxiety.
- Try to rely on understanding, optimistic, and comforting friends and family. If they give off negativity, demoralize you, lecture you, or criticize you, find someone else to support you.
Method 3 of 4: Interacting in Various Social Situations
Step 1. Socialize more
Of course, you are terrified of attending a social event, but you should actively seek out those situations that allow you to be with others. The more you avoid something, the more it will control your mind. The anxiety that accompanies these situations will grow until it turns into fear. If you get used to something, your fear will lessen and it will exert much less control over you.
- Try to make your own different spaces. When you are unfamiliar with an environment, it is normal for it to make you feel nervous. Go to a restaurant, visit an unfamiliar neighborhood, or join a gym. Walk down the street. Become familiar with your surroundings. Once you become familiar with a place, you will feel more comfortable, and you will begin to focus more on what is around you. At that point, you can start socializing with others.
- Ask someone to accompany you. You don't have to do it alone. Invite a friend or family member to an event. Start small. Try the first lesson of a class, for example at the gym, volunteer, or join a group that interests you and attend a meeting.
Step 2. Look for a club, team or group that reflects one of your passions or abilities
Connecting with people with similar interests can help you interact with others. Clubs and groups can provide you with a confined environment in which to socialize, so this can ease anxiety. It will be easier for you to force yourself to speak, as it is impossible to get lost in the crowd.
Step 3. Focus on the conversations
When you are in a social context, try to think about dialogue, without dwelling on your anxieties. This helps you connect with people (which is good) and gives you the opportunity to talk. If you start worrying about what others think about you, take a break and refocus on the present. When it seems appropriate, make comments and intervene.
Focus on the present, don't relive what happened
Step 4. Try to resist
When you find yourself in an anxious situation, hold on tight. Anxiety can be unbearable at first, but the more you are in contact with an environment, the more your stress will gradually decrease. Try to stay in one place until your anxiety is halved. It can take up to half an hour, but it often subsides faster.
Some interpersonal meetings are quick: just say hello or chat about this and that. They may be anxious and you can't wait to leave, but having a conversation with someone can help you feel good
Step 5. When you are in large groups of people, observe and listen
Interpersonal events that involve many participants are ideal for practicing. You can socialize and connect with people without being the center of attention. Many contribute to the conversation, so don't feel pressured to say something. Try to be comfortable. Look at the others present: are they all focused on you or are they chatting amiably with their interlocutors?
- When you have the opportunity to make a meaningful contribution that you think will be appreciated by others, take action. You will see that everything will be fine.
- This is a great time to set goals. At first, promise yourself that you will intervene once in the conversation; as you become more familiar, increase your interventions.
Step 6. Remember that people generally don't focus on your flaws
Most people do not pay attention to the imperfections of others, more than anything else they dwell on good deeds and interesting talk. Knowing this, feel confident and express your best qualities. Be yourself. You will see that your company will be appreciated.
People who dwell on the faults of others usually do so because they have poor self-esteem. If they judge you, you definitely don't want to hang out with them in the first place
Step 7. Be friendly and kind
People like to hang out with people who inspire optimism. Kindness is a pretty easy tool to use to make others happy - give sincere compliments, make good eye contact, show interest, and smile. Whatever you do to brighten someone's day will be a point in your favor.
Method 4 of 4: Ask for Help
Step 1. Talk to a psychologist
If you believe you have social phobia, make an appointment with a specialist. Many experts work with patients to ensure that the visit is comfortable and as anxiety-free as possible. Some are willing to talk about the disturbance over the phone, while others offer the option of making an appointment before or after the busiest hours. Talk to a psychologist so you can take the first steps in fighting the phobia.
Step 2. Try targeted therapy
If your social phobia has become practically unmanageable, consult a psychotherapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (TCC) - it can be the key. This method teaches you to think, behave and react in various interpersonal situations differently. It can help you feel less anxious and fearful.
TCC teaches you to manage somatic symptoms through relaxation and breathing. You will discover how to replace negative thoughts with more balanced mental images and you will learn to gradually deal with various social situations
Step 3. Participate in group therapy
In this context, group cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques are used. This includes role playing, social skills training, acting, video recording, and mock interviews. These exercises are intended to help you deal with situations that would make you feel anxious in the real world and prepare you for them.
Step 4. Join a self-help group
This environment differs from that of psychotherapy in that it aims to help participants receive all the necessary support in the healing phase. Self-help groups help you not feel isolated with your anxiety. You can search for one near you on the internet.
If you speak English, try a TCC-inspired self-help app like Joyable (https://joyable.com/). It combines cognitive-behavioral therapy methods, theoretical explanations and a personal coach to help overcome social phobia
Step 5. Learn about medicines
Medicines are sometimes used to combat the symptoms of social phobia, but remember they don't cure it. As soon as you stop taking them, the alarm bells, like anxiety, return. Medicines are generally accompanied by psychotherapy and self-help techniques.
Some of the most commonly used drugs are beta blockers (for performance anxiety; they help relieve somatic symptoms), antidepressants and benzodiazepines
Advice
- Take it one step at a time.
- Think positive.
- Be yourself.
- You will have setbacks: it happens to anyone. Don't dwell on the failures. Remember you are learning. Think about how you can have better results in the future.
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Choose the ones that make you happy, not the ones that look popular and cool.
- Feel comfortable. The people around you are human beings just like you, and there are more than seven billion of them in the world.
- There are groups that deal with social phobia. If you find one in the area, take heart and go there: you will meet very nice people who will want to meet you.
Warnings
- Don't be discouraged. Be persistent and patient, because in the end the results will reward you for all the hard work and courage you have called upon.
- Don't avoid anything. Whenever you avoid an event, person or situation, you allow social anxiety to win. Later you will be proud of yourself and you will feel much more confident in interpersonal contexts. The more you avoid an uncomfortable situation, the worse your anxiety will be.
- If some people don't like you, don't stress yourself out. You can't please everyone.
