Guilt is an emotion that prompts us to make peace with others, correct a mistake or change our wrong behaviors. It usually helps us maintain a happy life. However, when it grips us for no reason, it becomes a problem. Find out why you have that feeling and do what it takes to get rid of it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Assessing Your Sense of Guilt
Step 1. Ask yourself if you haven't done something you wanted to do
In some cases, you may feel guilty that you have contemplated doing something that violates your personal morals. Even if you haven't acted, the very thought can make you feel guilty and the feeling can remain even after the episode.
- You may have forgotten the immoral action you considered doing, such as cheating on your wife or stealing from a friend. Think and try to remember if you really wanted to do a similar gesture.
- If you have made such a thought, think for a moment and forgive yourself. Then ask the person you could have hurt to forgive you.
- Once you apologize, leave the guilt behind and focus on the present.
Step 2. If you think you have done something wrong, think about your actions
In some cases we feel guilty about a non-existent mistake. For example, maybe you wished your ex's new partner a disgrace and shortly afterwards he had a car accident. Even if you haven't done anything, you can feel like you caused the accident. If you feel guilty for no reason, you may have thought you were making a mistake and then forgot about it.
- Try to remember if you've ever wished someone bad luck that happened.
- If you can't talk to that person, do what you can to forgive yourself.
- Remember that you probably judge yourself too harshly. For example, you may think that you have said something rude or offensive, while the other person is not of the same opinion.
Step 3. Consider survivor's guilt
You may feel guilty for surviving a traumatic event that had a negative effect on another person. Even if you don't think about it every day, it could be a constant source of guilt. Identify the problem by noting if you feel sad when you think your life is better than that of others.
- For example, if you survived an armed robbery, you may feel guilty when you hear the story of a robbery victim because she wasn't as lucky.
- If you find that you have survivor's guilt, you need time to process your negative emotions and forgive yourself.
- Talk to someone about what happened, for example a psychologist.
Step 4. Understand that guilt can be caused by events in childhood
You may have suffered trauma as a child, due to prolonged abuse or a specific event. You may also have received unfair treatment while growing up. All these events can have an effect that lasts even as an adult, even provoking apparently unmotivated feelings of guilt. Think back to your childhood to see if something that happened in the past causes your guilt.
If you can spot an event from your childhood that causes you to feel guilty, such as abuse or a traumatic episode, seek help from a professional psychologist
Step 5. Determine if your guilt is neurotic
In some cases you can feel excessive guilt about the situation that causes it or caused by events that you cannot control. A feeling of this kind can also arise from the belief that you are not good enough at a specific activity.
- Neurotic guilt can arise even if you don't want to do something other people believe you should do.
- This feeling can also arise from insecurity.
- If you have neurotic guilt, you should do what you can to forgive yourself. You may also want to see a counselor to help you deal with and overcome the problem.
Step 6. Find out if you made a mistake
Knowing the cause of the guilt can help you resolve it. If you've read the advice in this article and are still feeling guilty, you may have to admit that there is a real reason for your mood. You may have forgotten what you did. Reflect on the actions you have taken over the past few weeks and months to find out if you have done something wrong. This can explain your guilt.
- You may need to verbalize your thoughts by writing or speaking, so that you can remember your mistakes. Write your actions on a list, or talk to a friend who will help you remember.
- You can ask loved ones if they remember your actions that you should feel guilty about.
- If you can't spot any mistakes, you can leave the guilt behind. Tell yourself you haven't done anything wrong and focus on the present.
- If you did something wrong, apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Step 7. Ask yourself if you are depressed
Depression can make you feel guilty for no reason. Think and find out if you have this problem. Depression can take many forms, but it mainly causes feelings of constant sadness, loss of interest in activities you enjoyed, changes in diet and sleep, feelings of helplessness and lack of hope.
- Consider guilt along with other symptoms and see your doctor or mental health professional if you think you are depressed.
- Guilt can take many forms when you are depressed. For example, you may feel guilty for not hitting your monthly sales quota at work, even if all your other colleagues have also failed. Or you may feel guilty for not washing the dishes before bed, even if you did a lot of other housework and were too tired to continue.
Part 2 of 3: Working Out Your Sense of Guilt
Step 1. Write or talk about your feelings
Verbal or visual processing of your feelings can help you get to the source of your emotions. For example, you can understand if your sense of guilt is out of proportion to the actions you took while writing what happened in a journal. Writing a journal or talking about your feelings with someone can help you figure out if they're valid.
- Developing the habit of writing in your journal or talking to someone on a regular basis can help you process guilt so that it can be eliminated.
- With a diary you will also have something to refer to to gauge your progress.
- Discuss your feelings with a psychologist if the remedies you try at home don't help you get rid of guilt.
Step 2. Consider the facts
Often the reality is that you haven't done anything wrong, especially when you don't really know the source of your guilt. It may be helpful for you to reflect for a few moments and try to analyze what happened. Considering the reality of the situation can make you realize that you have no responsibility. In those cases, give yourself permission to let go of the guilt.
- Analyze the facts in a realistic way by reflecting on what really happens, leaving no room for your imagination. You may need the help of a friend or relative to see things as they really are. Ask someone to give you their opinion on the facts.
- For example, if you usually know how to organize yourself perfectly and one day you miss an appointment, you shouldn't feel guilty. You have the right to make mistakes.
- Let go of guilt by admitting your responsibilities, expressing sadness about the situation that has arisen, and focusing on the present.
Step 3. Try to suspend judgment of yourself
One technique for working through guilt is to think of it as a negative judgment about yourself. To stop trying it, avoid judging yourself.
- Write a list of all the reasons you feel guilty and all the things you judge yourself negatively. You can write general comments, like when you happen to think you are a bad person, or something more specific, like the time you thought you were stupid for spilling coffee.
- Stop for a moment and say aloud "I stop thinking I'm a bad person" or "I no longer consider myself stupid for spilling coffee."
Step 4. Visualize your guilt as a car
This can help you accept it, consider worrying, and move on. Imagine driving a car on the freeway and when you feel guilty, the car starts to turn left or right. When this happens, imagine stopping at the side of the road to identify the cause of the problem so that you can fix it.
- For example, if you feel guilty about something you can remedy, like apologizing to someone, find time to make amends.
- If you can't do anything to fix your car, imagine getting back on the road and driving far away.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Find a way to relax
Guilt can have negative physical repercussions. Since this feeling indicates that you deserve punishment, you may fall into a vicious circle of internal punishment. When you don't know why you feel guilty, these self-imposed punishments can become particularly nerve-wracking. Find time to relax and take the guilt out of your mind. This will reduce your stress levels.
- Try to stop punishing yourself by thinking about something good you did today.
- For example, congratulate yourself on going to the gym, following the diet, or spending time with your family even though you didn't have to.
- There are many ways to relax, such as breathing exercises, meditation, visualization techniques, and others.
Step 2. Accept your mistakes and leave them behind
To stop feeling guilty for no reason, you need to let go of that feeling. Identify the mistakes you've made, seek forgiveness from others and from yourself, then stop feeling guilty. Accept that there is no way to change the past.
Remember that to leave guilt behind you may have to decide to forgive or stop blaming others or yourself
Step 3. Accept that you are not perfect
In some cases, you may experience constant guilt because you demand perfection from yourself. Understand that you probably have demands that you will never be able to fulfill. Nobody's perfect. When you expect perfection, you will certainly fail. The thought of having failed can cause you to feel guilty. To get rid of it, remember that you are a human being.
When you make a mistake, correct it, then stop thinking about it
Step 4. Avoid circumstances that make you feel bad
Find a solution to your guilt by avoiding the situations that trigger it. You may feel guilty for no reason, but you probably feel worse in some cases than in others. Identify those circumstances and avoid them.
- Start keeping an agenda, in which you write down all your daily activities. At the end of each event, write down the emotions you felt, such as "well-being", "happiness", "sadness" or "guilt".
- Afterward, re-read the list of emotions and group the activities that made you feel guilty. It may be helpful to identify a category of situations, such as "social interactions" that amplify your guilt.
- Find ways to reduce or stop doing those activities.
Step 5. Forgive yourself
If you feel guilty about something, you may need to forgive yourself and move on. Forgiving yourself can help you leave guilt behind and regain well-being. It will likely be a gradual process, but over time you will start to feel better.
Advice
- Feeling guilty is normal to some extent. That feeling motivates you to maintain healthy relationships and prevents you from making the same mistake twice. Just remember that if the guilt never leaves you, it becomes a problem.
- Find a fun activity that helps you take your mind off the guilt, like watching a TV show or hanging out with friends.
