A loving nature can be partly innate, but also partly the result of daily work. Loving others isn't always easy, but by building healthy interpersonal relationships, developing an image of yourself, and making a few minor adjustments to your lifestyle, you should be able to embark on the journey of becoming more benevolent and loving. Remember that any change takes time, so be confident!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Building Healthy Interpersonal Relationships
Step 1. Communicate
Effective communication is the foundation of every relationship and requires commitment, especially between people with different backgrounds. Thinking briefly before speaking can make a huge difference, as can being a little more patient.
- Be honest. Honesty is essential in any healthy relationship. Express your opinions, needs and wishes honestly, but don't use sincerity as an excuse to needlessly offend someone. Instead, remember that honesty should be the foundation of healthy communication. For example, if you feel hurt by a friend's words, instead of silencing or verbally attacking him, it is best to say "I felt hurt when you said you don't like my car." It may seem like a small thing, but explaining rather than blaming can help start a productive conversation that could strengthen your bond.
- Learn to listen. When people feel they are being heard, they automatically feel that they are important to the listener. In addition to being essential for building a healthy relationship, knowing how to listen allows you to better understand others, and sometimes even yourself, because you can understand more clearly how others see you. If you want, you can also summarize what you have been told; for example, you might say "So you think we should go to the mall first and only then to the greengrocer".
Step 2. Trust others
Without trust, a healthy relationship cannot exist. If people feel they don't have your trust, they will be afraid to give you theirs. Trusting others can make you vulnerable, but at the same time it can help you live a healthier and happier life. The simple act of letting yourself be helped after expressing a need can make others feel valued.
Step 3. Return the trust of those who believe in you
In addition to learning to rely on others, it is also important to know how to reciprocate the esteem. For example, if someone lends you their car because they trust you, treat it as if it were yours (or even better). Likewise, if someone tells you a secret, try not to divulge it. Also, be ready to return the favor when someone shows they believe in you.
Step 4. Value contributions and personal characteristics
One of the most important aspects of building a healthy relationship is simply recognizing each other's qualities. Generally, people who are kind and loving in nature do this effortlessly, are able to make others feel special about their accomplishments, and be understanding when someone has a problem. Pausing to reflect on the strengths of others, in addition to your own, can help you understand the benefits that can come from collaborating with other people.
Make sure you affirm the worth of others. For example, you might say, "I really appreciate Susan's contribution to our conversation today. She really helped me see things in a different light."
Step 5. Maintain a sense of playfulness in your interactions
While not all situations allow it, it is an important component in most relationships. Being cheerful and playful can cause others to relax and talk more openly. It can also contribute to a feeling of affection. Either way, always be careful not to have fun at the expense of others. Instead, try to increase their self-esteem with your cheerfulness.
Step 6. Avoid making jokes about people's appearance, sexuality, origins, abilities, social status, relationships, or any other factor related to people's identity
Even with the best of intentions or simply considering it a joke, your words could deeply hurt the person you are being good-naturedly fooling. Remember that no one likes to be the butt of a joke, unless it's self-mocking.
Step 7. Be patient with others
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time; also, everyone has their own quirks. Keep this in mind as you learn to become more tolerant. Patience is a key component of a benevolent nature because it empowers people to make mistakes and to know they can count on your support in times of need.
Step 8. Resolve Conflicts Peacefully
While an argument naturally evokes strong emotions, it is important to keep in mind what your goals are for the relationship in question before trying to resolve the problem.
- Try to discuss it without getting into an argument. Warning, this does not mean that you should simply submit or shut up.
- Instead, try to identify the reasons for the conflict and go from there to find a solution that satisfies all parties involved.
- See the act of resolving a conflict as an opportunity to improve the relationship rather than harm it.
- While some disagreements are really difficult to resolve, you can do so using communication and understanding.
Part 2 of 3: Building a Positive Self Image
Step 1. Recognize your strengths
To build a positive image of yourself, it is important to understand that your qualities define you as a person. Make a list of your positive attributes and feel grateful for each of your strengths. Recognizing your strengths makes it easier for you to grasp and accept those of others and can help you avoid making unnecessary, potentially harmful and tendentially unrelated comparisons to a benevolent and loving nature.
Step 2. Keep your identity separate
Remember that the experiences of others are not yours and that their point of view derives from the events they have experienced. If you can understand this and declare it to others, you will appear kind and benevolent in their eyes. Also remember that trying to transform others to make them look like you or wanting all your acquaintances and friends to agree with you on every issue is not only unrealistic, it will also end up damaging your relationship in the long run.
Step 3. Make sure your goals are reasonable and measurable
Part of building a positive image of yourself is planning and achieving results that you think are important. It is also a good way to learn to appreciate the efforts of others and therefore an aid to improve your relationships.
Step 4. Learn to recognize cognitive distortions
They are dysfunctional ways of thinking; basically the mind creates wrong thinking by distorting reality. For example, the entirely reasonable fear that precedes an exam could turn into a catastrophic scenario where the test seems an insurmountable obstacle, the outcome of which will determine the entire course of your life. Although this is an unrealistic occurrence in almost all circumstances, when you create a distorted thought it is not easy to realize that you are analyzing the situation in a false way.
- While it can happen to anyone who processes information incorrectly, for example by generalizing or personalizing a situation, it may be necessary to consult a doctor or therapist for help when the problem recurs.
- Formulating evidence-based thoughts after analyzing them can help you improve your self-image, but also help resolve conflicts with others.
Step 5. Don't compare yourself to other people
Confronting others can lead to negative feelings, such as doubt, jealousy, and envy. While it is fair to admire their contributions, it is important to be aware of their qualities and personal worth. Comparing yourself to others will risk compromising your friendship or work relationships, while showing your appreciation will give you the opportunity to strengthen them.
Step 6. Promote a healthy body image
Feeling good about your appearance is not the same as having an image that corresponds to the dictates prescribed by society. Instead, it means knowing how to appreciate your body exactly as it is now. A negative physical image can cause various types of mental illness and affect your overall self-esteem.
Part 3 of 3: Changing Your Lifestyle for the Better
Step 1. Pay attention to what you eat
Some recent studies have shown that food can affect mood. When you are down in the dumps, irritable, or tired, it can be difficult to be affable or kind.
Step 2. Eat in company
Numerous researches confirm that eating with others can help improve interpersonal relationships. Whether it's with friends, family or colleagues, sitting around the table helps you achieve superior results and improves your social relationships.
Step 3. Exercise, preferably with others
Exercising causes the release of endorphins which, in simple terms, make you feel better. Scientists have found that working out together can strengthen relationships, but also achieve better physical results.
Step 4. Get enough sleep every day
Sleep is one of the main ingredients of a healthy and positive lifestyle. When you don't get enough sleep, you are more likely to make bad decisions and feel in a bad mood. You will have a hard time being loving if the lack of sleep has made you irritable. In particular, a study found that when we don't sleep enough we have difficulty distinguishing facial expressions, one of the main tools we use when relating to others.
Advice
- Be yourself and accept others as they are.
- Give yourself time to change.
- Avoid judging yourself or others as you try to develop a more benevolent and loving nature.
Warnings
- If you have anxiety or anger attacks and are having a hard time controlling them, you may need help. Consider seeing a mental health expert.
- If you are in an abusive relationship, not even the most benevolent and loving nature will change the situation. Seek help from relevant organizations.
