Do you want to become a master of the art of listening? If you've found that you often have your head elsewhere when someone is talking, or if you notice that people don't often choose you as a confidant to talk to, maybe it's time to get busy. Engaging actively in listening will improve your interpersonal relationships and enrich your experience of the world. If you want to learn how to listen with complete attention so that the person who is talking to you willingly continues to do so, read on!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Giving Complete Attention
Step 1. Remove all distractions
The first thing you need to do when someone starts talking is to eliminate anything that might distract you from their words. Turn off the TV, shut down your computer and put away whatever you were reading or stop doing what you were doing. It is very difficult to hear and understand what someone is saying when you are immersed in other sounds or activities that also require attention.
-
Whether the conversation you are having is on the phone, or in person, it can be helpful to move to a distraction-free room. Go to a place where you won't be interrupted by other people.
Listen Step 1Bullet1 -
Many people find it easier to have deeper conversations outdoors, where there are fewer screens and distracting objects. Try going for a walk in the park or around your neighborhood.
Listen Step 1Bullet2
Step 2. Stay focused
When the other person talks, focus on what they are saying. Don't start thinking about what you want to answer. Look at the person's face, eyes and body. What is he really trying to say?
Part of concentration and true listening depends on interpreting the speaker's silences and body language. This part of non-verbal communication is just as important as words
Step 3. Be spontaneous
Many people find it difficult to concentrate during conversations because they think too much about how they should seem to their interlocutors. It is important to understand that if someone is talking to you, they will almost never even want to judge you at the same time. The speaker is simply grateful for the listening you are giving him. Being a good listener also means having the ability to stop thinking about yourself in conversation. If you think too much about your needs or insecurities, you are not paying attention to what the other person is saying.
Step 4. Be empathetic
Another fundamental point is to be able to put oneself in the other person's shoes. If someone is confiding in you about their problems, try to get out of your shoes and imagine what it would be like to be in theirs. True communication only happens when people understand each other. Find common ground with the other person and do your best to see things from their point of view.
Step 5. Become a better listener
You may have already heard that there is a difference between hearing and hearing. Hearing is the physical act of perceiving sounds, while listening is the ability to interpret these sounds as a way of understanding the world and other people. The nuances of the things you hear will let you know if the speaker is happy, depressed, angry or afraid. Refine your hearing will make you a better listener.
-
Work on your sense of hearing by paying more attention to sounds. When was the last time you closed your eyes and only thought about your sense of hearing? Stop every now and then and just listen to what is happening around you, so that you appreciate more what can be achieved with hearing.
Listen Step 5Bullet1 -
Listen to the music more carefully. We are so used to having music in the background that we often don't focus enough on it. Close your eyes and really listen to an entire song or album. Try focusing on single sounds. If there are many elements at the same time, such as in symphonic music, try listening to only one instrument as it travels through the entire orchestra.
Listen Step 5Bullet2
Part 2 of 3: Having an Open Body Language
Step 1. Move forward a little
This simple gesture will indicate to the person you are talking to that you are interested in listening. Your body should be pointed towards the person who is speaking and your torso should be bent slightly forward. Don't overdo this bending!
Step 2. Maintain eye contact, albeit not too much
Maintaining eye contact during a conversation indicates to the person you are talking to that they have your full attention. Eye contact is a very important way to establish open communication. Don't overdo it though - if you keep it for too long, the other person may feel uncomfortable.
Research shows that during one-to-one conversations, most people maintain eye contact for 7-10 seconds before looking away
Step 3. Nod
Nodding is another great way to show the speaker that you are listening and that you agree with what they are saying. You can nod both to show your agreement and simply to invite them to speak again. Just make sure you nod at the right moments in the conversation; if you nod when they say something unpleasant, they may think you are not listening.
-
You can also encourage the person who is speaking to continue by making small comments, such as "yes", "uh huh", "yeah", etc.
Listen Step 8Bullet1
Step 4. Don't look bored
Try to make it clear with your body language that you are interested, not bored. If you bite your nails, stomp your feet, cross your arms, or put your head in your hands, most people will quickly stop talking to keep you from getting bored. Try to sit up straight to show your interest.
Step 5. Make appropriate facial expressions
Remember that listening is an active action, not a passive one. It is important to react to people's words - otherwise, they might as well write instead of speaking! Show that you are interested by smiling, laughing, moving your head, frowning, and making other expressions and gestures that are appropriate for the moment.
Part 3 of 3: Responding Without Judging
Step 1. It is not polite to interrupt someone while they are talking, as it will show that you weren't really listening - you are too focused on having your say
If you interrupt too often to give your opinion, try to stop. Wait until the other person has said everything they need to say before speaking.
If you interrupt (everyone does this every now and then), it's a good idea to apologize and ask the person to please continue what they were saying
Step 2. Ask questions
Try to keep the other person talking by asking questions that show you were listening and would like to know more. You can ask simple questions like "What happened next?", Or something more specific, about the topic being talked about. Also intrude with phrases like "I agree!", "Me too", etc. can make the conversation last longer.
-
You can repeat what someone is saying to make their point clearer.
Listen Step 12Bullet1 - It is up to you to decide whether to ask personal questions or not. If your questions go too far, the conversation will suddenly stop.
Step 3. Don't be critical
Try to understand someone else's point of view, even if you don't share it. Criticizing the speaker for saying something you find inappropriate or stupid is a surefire way to keep them from confiding in you again. A good listener tries not to judge. If you have a counter-topic to propose, wait for the person to finish presenting their point of view before speaking.
Step 4. Try to answer honestly
When it's your turn to speak, respond openly and honestly - but always with kindness. Try to give advice. If you want the relationship between you to grow and you trust the person who was speaking, try to share your opinions and feelings. Contributing something true to the conversation completes the art of listening!
Advice
- Don't just listen to people. Every so often, pay attention to the noises of the city as well. Even better, take a walk through the woods or the countryside and listen to the sounds of nature.
- Try to listen to something funny or interesting. Get an audiobook or a comedian's recording, or listen to the radio.
- When you listen to someone speaking fast, perhaps in a language other than your native one, always imagine the meanings of what they are saying and the concepts of the conversation rather than focusing on the specific words and phrases they are using. Don't think about how you are trying to understand what the words mean, but rather how they are trying to include you in the conversation.
- Try to pay attention to the tone of voice of the person speaking, their gestures, the way they speak, the accent and everything that their voice indicates. Stay calm and let the other person do the talking. During a conversation, respond with questions, gestures, and words that show you are listening. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try to imagine how he is feeling or what he is thinking.
