At the expense of your sense of balance and optimism towards life, surrounding yourself with pessimistic people at home, at work, at school and in your free time in the long run can be really depressing. Negative vibes are a surefire way to ruin others' lives, and attempts to deflect pessimism can drain all energy. Of course, it can be worse if you are tasked with encouraging and suggesting to the pessimist how to see the bright side of life, because you may feel compelled to make his world happier as he continues to destroy any minimally positive view of existence..
When someone tries to empty your glass half full, use the tactics suggested in this article to stay optimistic about your life and not get discouraged by someone else's pessimism.
Steps
Step 1. Unmask the tricks of the pessimist
Initially, due to your sunny attitude, you may not notice the pessimist's influence on others. Over time it becomes more evident, but many positive people justify the pessimist, hoping it is only a temporary phase. Symptoms of a pessimist include:
- Constant belief that things are not going the right way.
- Disappointment when things don't go as he hoped.
- Seeing the negative side of everything.
- Lists of reasons why things won't work out.
- He may even blame you, albeit subtly, when something is wrong as it should have been.
Step 2. Check your reactions to a pessimist
You may be fomenting it. If your spontaneous reaction is to try to sweeten his point of view, you risk confirming his behavior by rewarding him, whether it is by improving his mood, or by giving him attention, exchanging elements or situations to make him feel better, or simply using your positive energy to try to make him change his attitude.
Step 3. Resist the innate temptation to make a pessimist's day better
A pessimist doesn't want your optimism; rather, they are likely to see your cheerful outlook as a way to manipulate yourself into negativity and let you struggle to devise plans, ideas, and solutions to try and prove you wrong. While you are busy convincing the pessimist that everything will turn out for the best, he has a chance to bask in your attentions, while remaining more stubborn than ever. Ultimately, you only get a reinforcement of his negative attitude.
- Do not propose alternatives to the imperfections listed by the pessimist.
- Don't try to convince the pessimist that everything will be fine.
- Don't come up with solutions or plans to handle the pessimist's grievances.
- Don't feel guilty about the negativity of the pessimist.
Step 4. Pretend that the pessimist takes responsibility for their attitude
He sees the downsides, so let him acknowledge his own interpretation of events and life in general. Those who are convinced that everything is wrong or disastrous and that it is unlikely that anything will be resolved, is deprived of one of the foundations of emotional intelligence: optimism. Accept that this person is free to see the world as a dark, incessantly negative place, and to live their life accordingly. Or, he may choose to find more joy in life and see things in a better light. The personal development of optimism will not happen if you continue to justify pessimism as the only source of optimism in a person's life. Store your positive energies to build and maintain your optimism levels high.
- Tell the pessimist to make the decision that will lead to things going for the best. Often you will find that this is a case of indecision, or of the will that it is you or someone else who takes responsibility for making choices. Don't give in, don't let them get away with it that easily.
- Don't be surprised if you get sadness, anger, or disbelief in exchange for your refusal to try to make the pessimist's life better. The closer your relationship is, the more pessimism is used as a form of subtle or explicit manipulation.
Step 5. Be motherly
If the pessimist doesn't want to do something you propose, sympathize with their concerns or difficulties, and try to alleviate them. It is a gentle - albeit sneaky - way of really highlighting the element on which it tries to be so negative; by focusing directly on it and expressing empathy for its worry, pain, discomfort, etc., you turn your attention to it, acknowledge its feelings, but then leave it with no choice but to acknowledge that you have joined its negativity, you cared about him as a person, but still you don't intend to change your mind.
- For example, tell a pessimist unwilling to join you in an activity that can go home / take the car keys / not come, etc. as you go along and do the same. Say something like: "I'm sorry it's hard for you. Do whatever it takes to get better (go home / don't come / stay here / take a shortcut, etc.)”.
- The use of empathy towards a pessimist is a great way to distinguish the positions of the pessimist and those of the optimist without having to invest too much energy trying to convince the pessimist to see things in a better light. It allows you to say that you are sorry that you think that way, but that you refuse to take a negative attitude.
Step 6. Stay positive
Look for the good in everything and remember that anyone can find fault with anything by looking at it closely; it is much harder to find positive solutions and actions. In fact, rather than trying to talk the pessimist into words with positive comments, you should simply carry on with your positive life and let your attitude and actions speak for you.
- Don't listen to the pessimist when he speaks negatively. Ignore his pessimistic comments. If he says something that depresses you, just ignore it. Try to think positive thoughts instead, and focus on those while talking to you; it might make you look a bit with your head in the clouds, but it's infinitely better than feeling unhappy around him.
- Spend as much time as possible away from this person's influence, to keep your positivity alive.
- If you find yourself sad next to the pessimist, make a mental list (or write it down if you prefer) of 5 good things in your life. Recite these elements repeatedly in your head, as a kind of "shield" against negativity when you are really getting depressed.
Step 7. Keep your distance from the pessimists
If possible, it's probably best not to surround yourself with negative people if you know they'll put you down. However, if they are your friends, colleagues or family, you may not have the option or desire to avoid them. In this case, minimizing the time you spend with them can help your well-being.
- Actively cultivate positive friendships with other optimistic people. Spending more time around optimists will help improve your mood and ensure your state of mind is the right one.
- Don't be too reckless to dismiss a person because of their pessimism. Learning to get along with people who are different from us is an important part of personal development and sociability. Setting limits on the topics you discuss with a pessimist and the time you spend with them can help you overcome the discomfort of having to be in their presence.
Step 8. Look for the merits of the pessimist
His depressing point of view on things is not his only quality: there are many other complex elements that form a person's character, so rather than fixate on the negative ones, look for the positive ones. Is it smart? Does it support you? Is he unique enough to ignore the opinion of others? Is it pleasant to work with him? Concentrate on the positive aspects of a person and try to compensate for the negative ones, always perpetrating your steadfast attitude and refusal to try to improve things for him, who must find the way out of pessimism by himself.
Along with the list of the 5 good things in your life, try to create one of at least 3 positive aspects of the pessimist in question, and keep them in mind when interacting with this person becomes complicated. You can also use this list to remind the pessimist of his positives, when it seems that he has forgotten them
Advice
- Don't try to change those who are convinced of their ways. A friend who just needs a grooming and picking up can easily be "healed", but there is probably no point in trying to change someone's personality (it would be a waste of time and energy).
- Let him know he's depressing you. There is a lot to say about communication. Choose the right moment though, you don't want to make it even more pessimistic.
- Being pessimistic is not always bad. Some philosophers have argued that it was the only way to be truly happy, because expecting the worst is never disappointed. Still, an optimist would say "expect the best, prepare for the worst".
Warnings
- There is not always a positive side. Yet, despite the fact that misfortunes happen, it does not mean that the future must always be terrible, and it is pessimistic to think that every event is a catastrophe before it even happens.
- One cause of pessimism can be depression. In this case, the pessimist needs professional help.
