Everyone knows that the first impression is what matters. If you want to take the initiative to meet new people without sounding creepy, it's important to find the right balance; you must be able to show genuinely interested without being perceived as too anxious or even desperate. Follow these tips!
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Learning to Talk to Strangers
Step 1. Many people who struggle to meet other people often have communication problems
Insecurities, stuttering, eye contact, nervousness, etc. communication is at the root of many anxiety problems that plague people when it comes to the ability to socialize.
Step 2. Apps are now dominating the way people connect with strangers (apps for ordering food, meals, clothes, coffee, etc.)
Unfortunately, it is not impossible to spend the day with as little human contact as possible. Having the courage to talk to strangers is difficult, there are no shortcuts. Instead of talking to random strangers and addressing your fear of rejection and prejudice, try to narrow it down by approaching those people who seem most likely to listen to what you have to say.
Step 3. Talk to your neighbors, service workers, people at work, people waiting in line, and so on
Keep the conversation short, see if the "energy exchange" is mutual, if they respond enthusiastically, etc. - try not to dominate the conversation, always keep a light and carefree approach.
Part 2 of 4: Having the Right Attitude
Step 1. Live in the moment
If you want to meet new people without sounding creepy, the first thing you need to do is stop worrying about success and enjoy the present moment of the new conversation. Leave behind all expectations, all your fears and even your ego - in short, forget everything that would prevent you from starting an argument normally. Learn to focus on the interlocutor, relegating your pessimism to a corner of your mind, so you can grasp the interesting points of the discussion and broaden the speech easily.
- When you first meet someone, don't ask yourself, "How am I doing?" or "Do I make a good impression?" Instead ask yourself, "What would this person want to talk about? What are they interested in?"
- Take the opportunity to stay one step ahead of your interlocutor thinking about how to intervene later, instead of going back and obsessing over something said or done five minutes before that maybe you did not succeed.
Step 2. Put aside your need for attention
Affective addiction heralds obsession, which is absolutely disturbing. People who need attention all the time are not balanced, but tend to be unstable, because their happiness depends totally on someone else. If people have the feeling that rejection of a friendship or relationship could upset you, you may want to slow down, be patient, and examine your conscience.
- If you snap something with the person you meet, don't be in too much of a hurry to say, “I like you!” Or “You're really gorgeous!” Until you feel a real positive impression coming from your interlocutor.
- Whether you're meeting a potential friend or boyfriend, don't ask for the phone number in the middle of the conversation or as soon as you feel there is a certain feeling. Instead, wait until the end to ask - this is the most spontaneous time for this type of request.
- If you meet someone you think might become a great friend, you can casually say, "We should go out together to see that new movie" or "I'd like to take that yoga class you're talking about" - don't invite the person to do anything too intense. At first. Don't ask her to go out on a long hike with you, come to dinner with your family, or help you buy underwear. Take it slow or you will seem too impatient.
- Avoid sounding creepy or desperate: don't say "I don't have many friends … it would be great to go out with you!"
Step 3. Be confident
You can also doubt yourself, but you can avoid looking creepy if you maintain some confidence in yourself and can make others feel that you are someone worth talking to. You should be confident before entering a room full of new people - you will gain confidence during the conversation. Just think about smiling, chatting about your interests and showing everyone that you love being who you are, where you are and what you do.
- Body language can help you have confidence in yourself. Stand straight, maintain eye contact; do not move your hands continuously and do not look at the floor.
- Don't check your reflection on the mirror or reflective surfaces, or people will think you are doubting yourself.
- When you introduce yourself, speak clearly and loud enough for you to understand.
Step 4. Be optimistic
Maintaining a positive attitude - without sounding too agitated - can make people want to talk to you. You should smile or laugh from time to time without a terrifying grin planted in your face and avoiding laughing at what is not funny. To attract people, talk about what you love, what makes you happy, and your interests (as long as they're not too unpleasant, at least at first) - avoid mentioning taxidermy or Facebook stalking in these early discussions.
- If you talk about a visceral hatred towards a certain teacher, classmate or famous person, yes … you will be disturbing!
- Don't nod or agree every five seconds to what your interlocutor is saying as if you were a puppy - it will definitely make you creepy. You'd better nod briefly every now and then to be less nagging.
Part 3 of 4: Have a Good Conversation
Step 1. Master the art of pleasantries
There is nothing bad about that. The pleasantries are what allows you to meet people and encourage more serious conversations and therefore more personal relationships. Talking about the weather or courses you are taking can lead to a more interesting discussion about your favorite interests or memories of a certain time of year.
- To initiate the pleasantries, you should learn to pay attention to the other person, instead of obsessing over having to be forcibly interested.
- Ask simple questions, such as what class he is in, if he has pets or siblings, if he has plans for the summer, and where he will spend it.
- Learn how to make a simple comment. If your conversation partner tells you they hate rain, you might ask what kind of activity they like to do in the sun instead.
- Listen carefully. If the person says he is from Milan, when he names the football teams, you can casually ask if he supports Milan or Inter.
Step 2. Become a good conversationalist
Embarrassed silences easily turn into restlessness, but also talk non-stop about your mother, your cat, the collection of insects: a good conversationalist can continually find elements in common with the other person in a calm, natural way and without seeming intrusive. For example, there is a huge difference in asking "Have you ever held a tarantula in your hand?" or "Have you ever felt the hairy legs of a tarantula brush against the palm of your hand?". The latter way of asking the question is certainly more poetic, but many would find it too personal and even a little disturbing if you used it with someone you just met.
- Learn to converse in a fun, positive, and casual way.
- Here's an important detail worth repeating: You shouldn't talk non-stop about your hobbies, unless the other person shares them or shows obvious interest by asking you lots of questions. If he just asks you a couple of questions, it doesn't mean he's interested, but he may just be polite, so don't get carried away with enthusiasm.
- When you first meet someone, the most important thing is to listen, rather than just talk about yourself.
Step 3. Work hard to find something you and the other person might have in common - even if it's a bit of a stretch
If you are both from the same region, discuss your favorite summer destinations in those areas; if you went to the same university, talk about extracurricular activities you may both have done instead.
- Don't get caught trying to do this - asking the other party to list their 10 favorite TV shows will make you fall into the obvious.
- It can be very simple. You may both think that the bar you are in has an enviable selection of beers.
- While it is advisable to stick to the positive interest in common, you can always agree on a shared hatred for Justin Bieber or even the history teacher.
Step 4. Use appropriate compliments
To keep the conversation going, you can also occasionally pay a compliment to the person you're talking to. Say something like, "Wow, you have to be smart to be able to study and work at the same time" or "How I love those shell earrings!" It can help you make the other person feel appreciated. Instead you will send the wrong message by exclaiming: "You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen" or "I have never seen anyone with such breathtaking legs …".
Be thrifty with compliments when meeting a new person. Complimenting a single personality or outward trait in the course of a conversation will make it seem like you are being polite, but not annoying
Part 4 of 4: Respect the Limits
Step 1. Treat relationships like video games
You start at the easiest level, and as time passes and you get better and better, you will be able to tackle more difficult levels and gain greater satisfaction from them. When you meet someone for the first time, you are at the first level and you are not allowed to enter the second until you have completed the first and so on. Generally, whoever is considered disturbing goes straight to the 15th.
- You can also decide to talk about more personal topics, but you have to start with simple harmless stuff, like your high school principal or your favorite group.
- Don't talk about loneliness, depression, or past nervous breakdowns, if you've ever had any - you would certainly be perceived as disturbing.
Step 2. Avoid staring at a person
Prolonged, direct eye contact is something that is usually done within a couple. You can do this if you are romantically involved, but even then you risk being creepy if you are misunderstood. While talking to someone, you can make eye contact with them, but remember to divert your gaze from time to time and focus your attention on other things.
Make sure you don't have the habit of staring at parts of the body (chest, hands, shoes, in short, anything), even if it were out of admiration or curiosity. In general, don't give the impression that you are examining someone under a microscope
Step 3. Avoid asking too many personal questions
What is in the personal sphere? It depends. To get an initial idea, pay attention to other people's conversations. Try to understand what are the topics that are discussed without problems at a first meeting. Instead, the topics to avoid are: romantic experiences, politics, religion, illness and any grim topics such as murder and death, so it is not the case to explain that the sword hanging in your living room was designed to pierce a man by piercing the intestine in a very particular way.
- Ask, "Are you dating someone?" it may be appropriate if you are having a conversation about being single. But avoid asking, "Have you met the love of your life yet?" or "Have you ever had a relationship that ended tragically?".
- Keep some balance on the questions. Asking too many questions when the other person doesn't ask one can be cumbersome, even if they aren't too personal in themselves.
Step 4. Avoid inappropriate invitations
Don't invite someone you just met to your home or any other isolated place that would be reminiscent of a horror movie, such as a basement, cabin in the woods, or abandoned warehouse. This type of invitation shows that you expect complete trust from a stranger who, in reality, shouldn't give it to you (unless it's just as creepy). If you intend to extend the invitation to others, do it in public, where many other people can hear you.
- If you really want to make an invitation, do it in a crowded public place.
- Your invitation may also be inappropriate if it is intimate. For example, you should avoid asking a girl, as a first date, to accompany you to a wedding.
Step 5. Pay attention to body language
Basically, everyone considers creepy different things. What is disturbing to someone could be fascinating to another person. Each case is unique. To understand if you are on the right track, you need to pay attention to the clues that indicate when a person is ready to move to the next level.
- For example, if your interlocutor avoids your gaze, constantly observes the exit, turns or moves away from you, they are likely to want to end the conversation. It takes some practice and attention to notice these signals, but as soon as you understand this body language, you will begin to notice without thinking about it.
- You can scare people with your own body language if you make awkward movements or that express inner discomfort; you can be disturbing even if you get too close or if you use an attitude of superiority.
- Don't touch someone you just met until you're really comfortable. Avoid touching each other's hair or hand when laughing, unless you're really sure you've made intimate contact.
Step 6. Learn to accept rejection
If people keep rejecting you despite your best efforts, you probably need to try a different approach. To start, try to understand why they treat you badly. If you realize that your attitude is the problem, you should really try to change. People who are usually referred to as "creepy" are simply peculiar. It's easy to resent these people who ignore you just because you don't respect the social rules that everyone adheres to, so you may have some qualms about changing your attitude just to conform.
- In reality, you have to accept the fact that people tend to judge others all the time and sometimes turn away. That's the way life goes. You just have to work on this. Don't think that changing your attitude to please people prevents you from showing your true personality.
- If nothing else, it gives you a chance to let yourself be seen for who you really are, right after you have cast down people's suspicions, so that your uniqueness shines more than ever.
- It is normal to be rejected. Regardless of whether or not you can approach others expertly, some people just won't get the reaction you hoped for.
- Your conversation may not always go the way you expect. Maybe you are trying to strike up a conversation with someone who has had a terrible day, is nervous, would rather be alone, or is just plain grumpy. Take it easy and talk to someone else.
Advice
- Don't feel like you need to change your appearance or the way you dress. Be yourself! If you can change the way you interact with people, looks won't matter anymore. Either way, wearing fetish or latex clothes won't be of much help in breaking the ice.
- Avoid looking like a cold person. Often on television, but also in video games and anime, unfriendly, mysterious and silent characters are considered to be fascinating, however in real life they would simply seem creepy.
- Even when you are unsure of how to respond, know that even a simple nod or a small exclamation is a demonstration of interest and can help your conversation partner relax. Just be careful not to overdo it or you may seem too interested.
