We make decisions every day; words and actions are the result of a decision, whether we are aware of it or not. For no choice, large or small, there is a magic formula that tells you with certainty that it is the right one. The best you can do is look at the situation from more than one perspective and then decide in a reasonable and balanced way on the course of action. It can seem daunting if you have an important decision to make. However, to make this process less demeaning, you can do a few simple things, such as identifying worst-case scenarios, filling out a spreadsheet, and following your gut. Read on to learn more about how to make a decision.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding the Origin of Your Fears
Step 1. Write down your fears
By writing down what you fear in a journal, you can begin to understand it and come to a better decision. Start writing about the choice to make. Describe or list anything that worries you. Give yourself the opportunity to vent these fears without judging yourself.
For example, you might start your journal by asking yourself, "What is the decision I have to make and what am I afraid will happen if I make the wrong choice?"
Step 2. Identify the worst case scenario
Once you have written down the decision you need to make and why you are afraid to make it, take it one step further. Try to identify the worst case scenario for each possible choice. If you push your decision to the edge of a hypothetical failure, the process will seem less frightening if everything goes wrong.
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For example, if you have to decide between your full-time job and another part-time job that gives you the opportunity to spend more time with your children, think about what the worst-case scenario would be in both situations.
- If you choose to keep your full-time job, the worst-case scenario could be that you will miss the important moments of your children's growth and that the kids may resent when they are older.
- If you choose part-time work, the worst case scenario may be that you won't be able to pay your bills every month.
- Determine how likely the worst case scenario is to happen. It is easy to be a catastrophist or to dwell on the worst thing that can happen, without taking the time to reflect. Examine the worst case scenario you have put forward and then consider what would have to happen to get to that point. It could happen?
Step 3. Consider whether the decision you make will be permanent
Once you have considered everything that could go wrong, consider whether you have a chance to retrace your steps. Most decisions are reversible, so you can take comfort in knowing that if you no longer approve of what you decided, you can always change it later to resolve the situation.
For example, let's say you decide to take part-time work to spend more time with your children. If you eventually find yourself struggling with paying your bills, you can change your decision by looking for a full-time job
Step 4. Talk to a friend or family member
Don't feel like you have to make a difficult decision on your own. Get help from a friend or family member you trust, or at least have them listen to your concerns. Share the details about the decision you need to make, but also your fears about what could go wrong. You will likely feel better just by exposing your fears, while the other person may give you some helpful advice and reassure you.
- You can also consider talking to someone who is not involved in the situation and has a neutral judgment. Often, a therapist can be a helpful figure from this point of view.
- Also try searching the internet for other people who have experienced similar circumstances. For example, if you are undecided between a full-time job and a part-time job that gives you more time with your children, you could post your problem on an online parenting forum. You will likely have the opportunity to read the experiences of people who have had to make similar decisions and the advice of others who tell you what they would do for you.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating the Decision
Step 1. Stay calm
The wave of emotions, whether positive or negative, can affect your ability to make rational decisions. When making a decision, the first step is generally to stay calm. If you can't, postpone the decision until you can think peacefully.
- Try taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. If you have more time, go to a quiet place and do about 10 minutes of deep breathing exercises.
- To perform this type of exercise, start by placing one hand on your stomach, under your rib cage, and the other on your chest. As you inhale, you should feel your abdomen and chest expand.
- Inhale slowly through the nose. Count to 4 as you put in the air. Focus on the sensation of the breath as the lungs expand.
- Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.
- Gently release it through your nose or mouth. Try to exhale for a count of 4.
- Repeat this 6-10 times a minute for 10 minutes.
Step 2. Try to get as much information as possible
It is much better to choose between various solutions when you have enough information to come to an informed decision. Decision making, especially when it comes to important issues, should be based on logic. Do some research to find out as much as you can about what you need to decide on.
- For example, if you are trying to choose between your full-time and part-time job to spend more time with your children, you should know how much money you will be missing each month if you decide to change. You may also want to consider how much time you are going to be earning with your children. Write down this information and any other data that can help you come to a conclusion.
- You should also consider other options and gather information about them. For example, you can ask your employer if you can work from home at least a few days a week.
Step 3. Use the "five whys" technique to figure out the problem
Wondering "why?" five times, you will be able to discover the source of a problem and determine if you are making a decision based on valid reasons. For example, if you're looking to choose between your full-time job or moving to a part-time one to have more time to spend with your family, your five because they might look like this:
- "Why am I thinking of a part-time job?" Because I never see my children. "Why do I never see my children?" Because I work late most days. "Why do I have to work late most days?" Because we have a new client who takes a lot of time from me. "Why is it taking me so long?" Because I am trying to do a good job and I hope to get a promotion soon. "Why do I want this promotion?" To earn more money and support my family.
- In this case, the five whys show that you are considering reducing your working hours, even if you are hoping for a promotion. A conflict emerges that requires further analysis in order to make the right decision.
- The five whys also suggest that your problem may be temporary - you work a long time because you're dealing with a new client. Consider: will you work so many hours even when you can manage the new customer more comfortably?
Step 4. Think about the people involved in your decision
First, you should consider how your decision affects you. In particular, how does it affect your view of yourself as a person? What are your values and goals? If you make decisions that are inconsistent with your values (that is, they do not coincide with the main beliefs that guide you in life), you risk feeling unhappy and dissatisfied.
- For example, if one of your core values - something that is ingrained in your identity - is ambition, a part-time job could be a mismatch, because it will force you to give up the dream of getting promoted and pursuing a career within. of your company.
- At times, core values can even conflict with each other. For example, you might consider both ambition and family care as core values. In order to make a decision, chances are you will be forced to prioritize one of the two aspects. Understanding which values influence your decision can help you make the right one.
- You should also examine how the problem or decision affects other people. Is there any consequence that will negatively affect the lives of your loved ones? Take others into consideration throughout the decision making process, especially if you are married or have children.
- For example, the decision to move to a part-time job could have a positive impact on your children, because it means you have more time to devote to them, but it also has a negative time on you, because you may have to give up the ambition to get one. promotion. It can even have a negative effect on the whole family, because it reduces income.
Step 5. List all options
At first glance it may seem that there is only one way out, but this is usually not the case. Even if the situation seems well defined, try to compile a list of alternatives. Don't evaluate them until it's complete. Be specific. If you're having a hard time finding other options, get your ideas together with help from family or friends.
- Of course, you don't have to write it down. You can even do it mentally!
- You can always cross out the entries later, but the craziest ideas could lead you to creative solutions that you would otherwise never have considered.
- For example, you might find another full-time job at a company that doesn't require you a lot of overtime. You have the option of hiring a person to help you with the housework to have more time to spend with the family. You could also organize family evenings, during which everyone does their work together with the others, in the same room, in order to strengthen the bonds.
- Some research also suggests that having too many options can be confusing and complicate decision making. Once you have your list, take out anything that is obviously unworkable. Try to limit it to about five items.
Step 6. Develop a spreadsheet to evaluate any benefits and losses that arise from your decisions
If the problem is complex and you feel dejected in the face of so many possible outcomes, consider filling out a spreadsheet to guide you in the decision-making process. So, try using Microsoft Excel or writing on a plain piece of paper.
- To produce a spreadsheet, create a column for each possible choice you are considering. Divide each column into two sub-columns to compare the gains and losses of each possible outcome. Use the + and - signs to indicate what the positive and negative aspects are.
- You can also assign points to each item in the list. For example, try giving +5 points in the "Switch to a part-time job" list under "I will be able to have dinner with my children every night". On the other hand, you could assign -20 points to another item on the same list titled "I will have € 800 less per month".
- Once you have finished the spreadsheet, you have the option to add up the points and determine which decision got the highest score. Know, however, that you will not come to make a decision using this strategy alone.
Part 3 of 3: Making the Decision
Step 1. Offer advice to yourself as if you were a friend
Sometimes it is possible to determine the right choice by taking a step back. Think about what you might say to a friend if they were faced with the same challenges as you. What choice would you recommend? On what aspect of his decision would you try to enlighten him? Why would you give him this kind of advice?
- To use this strategy, try playing the role. Sit next to an empty chair and pretend you're talking as if someone else was there.
- If you'd rather not sit down and talk to yourself, you can also try writing a letter with some advice for yourself. Start by saying, "Dear _, I have considered your situation and I think the best thing you can do is _." Continue by explaining your point of view (i.e., external).
Step 2. Play the devil's advocate
In this way, you can understand how you really feel about a certain decision, since you will be forced to take the opposite perspective and support it as if it were your own. If an argument against something you wanted to do starts to make sense, then you will have new information to consider.
- To be the devil's advocate, try to find arguments against every valid reason you have in support of your favorite choice. If this task is easy for you, you probably intend to make a different decision.
- For example, if you lean towards a part-time job to spend more time with your children, try contradicting yourself by pointing out how important the quality of time you spend with the kids on weekends and holidays is. You can also point out that it would be worth giving up a few family dinners for the money and promotion you will otherwise lose, because your kids will benefit more than a few hours spent together in the evening as well. Also, your ambitious, noteworthy spirit can have a positive influence on them.
Step 3. Consider if you feel guilty
It's normal to get carried away with guilt while making a decision, but it's not a factor in healthy decision making. It often distorts the perception of events and results, preventing a clear vision even of one's role within them. Guilt can be common especially in working women, as they face greater social pressure to be able to balance perfectly between work and family.
- Doing something out of guilt can also be harmful because it can lead us to make decisions that are not consistent with our values.
- One way to recognize what generates the sense of guilt is to look for what phrases contain the concept of "duty" as a moral obligation. For example, you might think that "good parents should spend all time with their children" or that "a parent who works a certain number of hours must be a bad parent." These beliefs are based on external judgments, not on personal principles.
- So, to determine if your decision is guilty driven, try to take a step back and examine the actual situation along with what your personal principles (the basic beliefs that govern your life) tell you is right. Are your kids really in pain because you work all day? Or do you feel this way because that's how you "have" to feel?
Step 4. Think ahead
Ultimately, the best way to make a decision is to think about how you might feel within a few years. Think about what you will think of yourself when you look in the mirror and how you will explain it to your grandchildren. If you don't like the turn that repercussions may take over time, you should reconsider your approach.
For example, do you think you will regret choosing a part-time job in 10 years? If so, why? What could you accomplish in 10 years of full-time work that you couldn't achieve in 10 years of a part-time one?
Step 5. Trust your instincts
You will probably hear what the right choice is, so go wrong with your gut. Make your decision based on what you feel is right, even if the spreadsheet tells you otherwise. Research shows that people who make decisions based on their intuition tend to be more satisfied with their decisions than those who weigh them carefully.
- Ask yourself what you want to do. You will likely feel which decision will make you happier and, therefore, try to lean in that direction. It is change and discomfort with the unknown that complicate the decision.
- Take the time to think quietly so that you can use your intuition to understand the situation.
- The more decisions you make over time, the more you will be able to refine and refine your intuition.
Step 6. Make a backup plan
If you are farsighted, the potentially negative consequences will not unduly destabilize you. Make a backup plan to deal with worst-case scenarios. While it is unlikely that you will use it, simply having it will prepare you for the worst. Even those in leadership positions are required to prepare a backup plan, because there is always the possibility that something will go wrong. This strategy can also be useful for less important decisions.
A backup plan will also allow you to react flexibly to sudden challenges or setbacks. The ability to adapt to unexpected events can directly affect the ability to obtain excellent results following certain decisions
Step 7. Make a choice
Regardless of the decision you make, be prepared to take responsibility for the consequences. If things don't work out, it's always better to have made a conscious decision than lightly: at least you can say you've done your best. Make your decision and be consistent.
Advice
- No scenario is perfect: once you have made your decision, follow it enthusiastically in the best way you can, without regrets and without worrying about other possibilities you might have.
- Realize that all options can be pretty good if you think about your choice for a long time. If so, each solution can have huge advantages and huge disadvantages. You would have already decided, if one of the alternatives proved significantly better than the others.
- Keep in mind that you may not have enough information to make a good decision. Do more research if you are having trouble selecting from the alternatives in front of you. Also, realize that you won't always have all the details you need. After reviewing all the information you have, you may still be forced to move on and come to a conclusion.
- After you've made your decision, important new information is likely to come up that can suggest other changes or make you question your choice. In these cases, be prepared to retrace the decision-making process. Flexibility is an excellent quality.
- Give yourself a time limit if you have to decide early or if the decision is not very important. Don't risk the saying "too much analysis leads to paralysis". If you have to decide which movie to rent tonight, avoid wasting an hour jotting down each title.
- If you try too hard, you risk ignoring the most obvious aspects. Don't get lost in too detailed analysis.
- Try not to consider all available options. Some studies have found that our aversion to closing doors leads to bad decisions.
- Make a list of pros and cons! You can also write a list that includes various options and narrow it down to only have two options. Then, discuss with others to make a final decision.
- Remember that, at some point, indecision turns into the decision to do nothing, which may be the worst of all.
- Treat any experience as an episode to learn from. By making important decisions, you will learn to deal with the consequences. Also see setbacks as life lessons you can grow and adapt to.
Warnings
- Try not to stress yourself too much, it will only make the situation worse.
- Stay away from people who seem to want your good, assuming you know what it is, unlike you. Their suggestions may be right, but if they don't take your feelings and thoughts into consideration at all, there is a risk that they are wrong. Also avoid those who try to destroy your beliefs.
