Do compliments embarrass you? Do you hate it when someone praises you? How we react to compliments is often a reflection of our self-esteem. Those who have little do not like them because they contradict the low opinion he has of himself. If you have low self-esteem but want to accept a compliment, you need to listen to it, accept it politely, and learn to believe in yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Listen to the Compliment
Step 1. Consider the compliment you receive sincere
Compliments destabilize people with low self-esteem because they undermine deeply rooted personal beliefs. If you find yourself being corny and unattractive, a compliment about your looks or brainpower will automatically seem hypocritical. First recognize that this thinking is distorted.
- Try to give your interlocutor the benefit of the doubt. Do not immediately assume that the compliment is ignorant, malicious, or interested.
- Change your way of thinking. Instead of questioning why someone is paying you a compliment, try to think about why they should deceive, tease, or manipulate you. Usually, he has no good reason to behave the way you suspect.
- Consider who the compliment is coming from. If you know that he is a sincere and loyal person, then his intentions are unlikely to be bad.
Step 2. Resist the temptation to be evasive or to argue
When you hear a compliment, your initial reaction might be as follows: "You're kidding, aren't you?" or "Are you serious?". The problem with low self-esteem is that you yourself don't believe the compliments you receive. To accept them, therefore, you must contain this reaction.
- Avoid dismissing the appreciation you receive, such as "That's not true", "No, I'm not" or "If you knew me, you wouldn't talk like this." People may interpret such a reaction as personal rejection.
- Also avoid comments that minimize appreciation, such as "It's nothing" or "It's not a great thing." Unbelief can also be rude, for example when you answer sarcastically, "Yes, of course."
- Acknowledge the compliment and accept it without replying. If you can't help but intervene, try saying something neutral or ask a question, like, "Oh, do you really think so?"
Step 3. Question your most critical part
To accept a compliment, you need to manage and silence the most self-critical thoughts, at least in the moment. Surely every time you receive a compliment, you will hear an inflexible, irrational and depersonalizing voice in your head that tends to demolish what you have been told. Question it.
- Try to recognize your strengths. For example, try to replace: "Marco liked my presentation. Why? It was terrible!" with: "Marco liked my presentation. I'm not very satisfied, but maybe at some point I hit the mark!".
- Notice when the most critical part of yourself thinks irrationally, such as: "Alessia liked my shirt and smiled. Surely she must have laughed behind me." Rather, he thinks: "Ok, Alessia smiled. Usually people smile when they want to be nice. Maybe she was sincere."
Part 2 of 3: Politely Accept the Compliment
Step 1. Accept the compliment with "magic words"
You should be polite when you accept a compliment, even if you are not comfortable with it or are not fully convinced. Try to be polite by replying with a "thank you".
- In most situations, a simple "thank you" or "thank you" is enough to be polite when accepting a compliment.
- However, you can also say a simple thank you like this: "Thank you, I appreciate the compliment", "Thank you, that's very nice of you" or "Thank you, I'm glad you liked it".
Step 2. Accept the compliment with non-verbal language
Besides the simple "thank you", there are other ways to express your appreciation for a compliment. Body language demonstrates what you feel more directly and immediately than verbal communication. Always try to accept compliments with a courteous attitude.
- For example, maintain direct, constant eye contact. Lean slightly towards your interlocutor and try to smile and show an interested expression.
- At the same time, avoid appearing hostile to the body. Don't cross your arms, don't pull back, and don't turn your back on the person in front of you.
- Pay attention to your facial expression. A frown or annoyed look will signal that you are unwilling to accept the compliment you have received. You shouldn't even roll your eyes.
Step 3. Resist the urge to shift attention
Expect to feel uncomfortable the first few times you accept compliments. It is natural that you are tempted to disapprove of a comment or shift attention to something else. However, it is not kind and perhaps not polite to give in to this temptation. Check yourself and try to accept the appreciation you received.
- As already mentioned, don't contradict, don't minimize and don't refuse compliments. This will be rude behavior.
- Don't be tempted to shift your focus. For example, you could respond with other direct compliments to your interlocutor or belittle your role, saying: "Well, I suppose Sandro worked even harder!" or "I'm glad you like my hair, but it's all about the hairdresser."
Part 3 of 3: Increase Self-Esteem
Step 1. Identify your qualities
It is difficult but not impossible to develop self-esteem so that you can accept compliments more easily. Don't give up! The important thing is to have a solid foundation from which to start. Each has its strengths and strengths: you just have to find out which ones are yours.
- Try making a list of your personal qualities. What do you do well? What are your talents? What have you achieved that is special? Think carefully and write down everything that comes to mind.
- Remember your strengths every day. If you need to, put the list where you can see it when in doubt. For example, you could hang it on the bulletin board near your desk or bathroom mirror.
- Also try to consider keeping a journal in which to write down the best things that happen to you every day. Point out five or ten positive aspects of the day, which is what you accomplished, succeeded or made you feel good.
Step 2. Be indulgent with yourself
People with low self-esteem often have a "black or white" view of reality. When something goes wrong, they don't see what happened as a mistake, but as a complete personal failure on their part. There is no middle ground. It's definitely not fair, so learn not to be too hard on yourself.
- When you make a mistake, remember that it was a small mistake at a specific time. Try to think, "Yes, I caught a crab, but that doesn't mean I'm a heartless or incapable person."
- Focus on your efforts instead of proving you are perfect. Eliminate the words "should" or "must" from your vocabulary and you will be able to have more realistic and easy to meet expectations.
- Likewise, avoid confusing personal feelings with facts. You are not stupid, unattractive, or incapable just because you are convinced. We all doubt ourselves from time to time and no one is perfect.
Step 3. Focus on the things you can control
Try to replace any dichotomous thoughts ("either all white or all black") with more reasonable expectations. In other words, you have to learn to accept that you can change and control some aspects of life and others you can't. So, you have to take care of the things you have control over. Why feel bad when it is absurd to do the impossible?
- If you are dissatisfied with something that you have the ability to change, such as your math performance, immediately start solving the problem and improving. Recognize your merits when you notice progress.
- If you are dissatisfied with something you cannot change, such as the shape of your ears, learn to accept it. If you worry about this kind of thing, you will only feed your frustration and despair.
Step 4. Be understanding towards yourself
In this way, you will be able to increase your self-esteem and accept compliments with less difficulty. Learn to be understanding of yourself whenever you get the chance.
- Remember to be COAL. COAL is an English acronym that stands for curious (curious), open (open), accepting (tolerant) and loving (affectionate). By adopting this attitude towards yourself, you will be able to be more understanding with yourself. If you blame yourself for something, remember to be "COAL".
- Think about how you would treat a friend. Whenever you get angry with yourself or are nervous, imagine how you would treat a friend in your situation. Would you give him a good grooming or a pat on the back? Would you make fun of him or say encouraging words to him? Try to behave as you would a friend who is struggling with the same problem as you.
- Recognize your needs. In order to be understanding with yourself, it is essential to recognize your needs without being too pressing. If you feel depressed or stressed, stop what you are doing and dedicate yourself to something more relaxing, such as walking, reading a book or indulging in an armchair.
