In daily life we come across many irascible people. These are individuals who cannot control their feelings and reactions, unfortunately discharging anger on others. When someone loses his temper, he struggles to keep his emotions in check in various situations. Sometimes, out of anger, he can even lose self-control. To communicate with an angry person, it is necessary to remain calm and patient, but also to listen carefully and help them find a solution to their problem.
Steps
Part 1 of 6: Reacting to an Angry Person
Step 1. Don't respond with as much irritation
You risk getting angry too when dealing with an angry person, especially if they are angry with you. However, if you want to communicate, you'd better control your nervousness.
Calm down before answering. Force yourself to stop and take a few deep breaths, maybe even count to 5 (or 10 if you need more time). Remember that the other person's anger probably has nothing to do with you
Step 2. Maintain some emotional distance
Don't take it personally that the other person has lost his temper. Instead, take a step back, trying to understand the state of mind of whoever is in front of you. Ask yourself, for example, "There's no doubt he's angry. I wonder what has upset him up to this point."
Step 3. Speak calmly and slowly
Don't raise your voice or use an angry tone. Take a few deep breaths if necessary and speak in a calm, controlled voice, without increasing the volume.
Step 4. Don't use threatening body language
When body language conveys openness and friendliness, it can help you dissipate the anger in the other person's soul. The latter will realize that you are not engaging in hostile behavior. Here are some gestures and expressions that will allow you to convey openness towards your interlocutor:
- Look in the eyes;
- Stand or sit with your arms at your sides, without crossing them;
- Position yourself avoiding being directly in front of the interlocutor, but slightly sideways;
- Keep some distance between you and the angry person. Avoid invading the other person's personal space to avoid making them feel uncomfortable or irritate them even more. Giving her space will also allow you to walk away easily in case she tries to hit you.
- Gently touch the other person's shoulder if they allow it. Keep in mind that it is not always advisable to make physical contact. If your partner or close friend got angry then it could be indicated. Instead, avoid if it's a customer or individual you don't know.
Step 5. Don't provoke
Once you know the reasons why the other person is angry, there is a risk of putting your finger in the sore by deliberately or unintentionally irritating them. However, in such situations she avoids doing something that will surely increase her nervousness or disrespect her.
Part 2 of 6: Suggesting techniques to calm down
Step 1. Assess the situation before offering suggestions
It is not recommended to give advice to calm the soul if the other person makes it clear that he does not want any help. On the contrary, it can be an excellent idea if you are dealing with someone who wants to calm down. It could also be useful when the conversation is not productive or is taking a turn for the worse and it would be a good idea to take a break.
Step 2. Ask her to take deep breaths
Deep breathing can be an effective strategy for regulating emotions. Therefore, try to give the other person these instructions:
- Inhale for a count of four, hold the air for another four seconds and exhale again to four.
- Make sure you breathe through your diaphragm rather than your chest. When using the diaphragm, the belly swells (you can notice this by resting your hand).
- Repeat this as many times as necessary, until he begins to calm down.
Step 3. Ask her to count to ten
Tell her she doesn't have to react right away. Counting, he can momentarily put aside his agitation. Suggest that by counting to ten, she will allow herself time to sort out her feelings.
Step 4. Distract her
Help her not to think about her agitation by distracting her. You can tell her a joke or suggest that she watch a video, reassure her by saying that she doesn't leave you indifferent to the fact that she is angry, but also suggest that she shift her attention to something else for a few minutes so that she calms down.
Step 5. Ask her to go for a walk
By moving away from the situation, he will be able to calm down. Suggest that she take a walk outside to get some fresh air or some other solution that allows her to distance herself from the situation.
Part 3 of 6: Listen Carefully
Step 1. Let your interlocutor speak
It is important to make sure that he realizes that you are taking him seriously. Therefore, let him speak and listen to what he says.
Don't interrupt him or correct him as he speaks
Step 2. Put yourself in his shoes
You don't necessarily have to agree with the other person, but you can show them that you understand their state of mind. For example, you might say, "I probably would have been upset too if I felt like I was being treated unfairly."
If you have someone who has lost their temper in front of you, you may be able to help mitigate their anger by agreeing with them. In this way, feeling that he is right, he will quiet down
Step 3. Keep asking questions
To gather more information, use "open-ended" questions. They will help you get more than just a yes or no answer, as they will entice your interlocutor to provide more details. Then you can get to the root of the problem. For example, you might say, "What happened in this morning's meeting?"
Use the word "exactly" for more information. For example: "Exactly what do you mean when you say that no one has listened to you?"
Step 4. Try paraphrasing the other person for more clarification
Show your interlocutor that you intend to understand what he is saying. By paraphrasing his words, you will be sure that you understand them correctly.
For example, you can say, "Let me see if I understand. You went to the meeting and were asked to make a presentation on the spot, which made you stressful. After that, the boss was constantly checking his phone and, rightfully so, you were. felt ignored. Did that happen?"
Part 4 of 6: Finding a Solution
Step 1. Find the right time to fix the problem
A person's emotional defenses can drop if they are tired or hungry. Choose the right time, when she is rested, and you will be able to deal with the problem without the risk of negative emotions interfering.
Step 2. Apologize if necessary
If you made a mistake or unintentionally hurt someone else's feelings, know that apologizing is not a sign of weakness. In fact, you will show that you are sorry for what you did, regardless of your intentions.
Step 3. Help the other person find a solution
Go out of your way to iron out the problems. Ask her what would be the ideal solution in her eyes. If what you propose does not meet her expectations or if she demands unreasonable things, try to find a compromise.
Step 4. Speak using the first person plural
In this way, by showing a collaborative spirit, you will show your interlocutor your willingness to solve the problem. For example, you might say, "What contribution could I make to find a solution together?".
Step 5. Stick to the question to be resolved
If you are trying to compromise, stay within the bounds of the question. Don't bring up arguments or past problems. Don't use old grudges to get your own benefit out of the situation.
Step 6. Get ready to find an immediate solution
You may not be able to come to a solution until the other person has calmed down. Perhaps you will need some time and you will have to postpone solving the problem until your interlocutor is able to respond with a more serene frame of mind.
Part 5 of 6: Handling an Angry Child
Step 1. Teach children about mutual respect
Children need guidance in learning how to manage anger. Not all people know how to educate their children in this regard, so many leave them alone to deal with the problem. Lack of guidance can lead to poor impulse control, violent behavior, and relationship difficulties at school and at home. Children assimilate behavioral patterns from parents and adults with whom they spend a lot of time. To teach your teens about mutual respect, you need to do your best to communicate with them in a respectful way.
- Teach your children to treat others with kindness. They shouldn't take a sarcastic attitude towards people. Try to be an example: if you are not the first to behave correctly, you cannot expect your child to do it.
- Don't scream or scold them. Don't embarrass them, don't insult them, and don't belittle them for what they do, even if they make mistakes in judgment. Don't manipulate them using guilt.
- If your children refuse to communicate respectfully, don't accuse them of disrespecting you, as it could hurt their feelings. If they are small, they probably don't even realize they are behaving without regard. If they are teenagers, assertively inform them that their tone of voice sounds angry and ask what is going on. In other words, you just have to make an observation, without getting upset. Try not to use an accusatory tone, but give them a chance to explain themselves.
Step 2. Stay calm and relaxed
Make sure you have a relaxed expression on your face. Modulate your voice so it doesn't sound tense or angry.
Step 3. Don't tolerate violent behavior
You shouldn't allow kicks, punches, or throwing objects. If it is an isolated incident, talk to your child after the incident to let them know that they are not allowed to do this kind of behavior. Tell him that he made a mistake and that you forgive him, but that he will lose one of his privileges if he repeats it again.
Step 4. Accept your child's right to be angry
Like adults, children also have a right to be angry. With a slightly older child or adolescent it may be appropriate to address this way: "It seems to me that you are angry. Okay, you are allowed to get angry. Anyone can happen. Maybe you will have other feelings than anger. all normal".
- If it is smaller, it is necessary to speak more concisely and directly. By giving your own consideration, you can teach him to identify what he is feeling and to manage it appropriately. Try saying, "You're angry that he couldn't eat the cookies before dinner." Don't worry if that's not the real reason: your child will be able to correct you. The secret is to get him to reflect on his emotions.
- If you can, help him identify more than one feeling, since anger almost always accompanies other feelings depending on the circumstances. For example, he may be angry that his brother entered his room without permission. Maybe he feels his privacy has been violated.
Step 5. Help the baby calm down
What works with adults also works with children. If you notice that your child (teenager or younger) continues to snort, sit next to him. Count aloud together, taking a few deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold the air for another four seconds and exhale again to four.
Allow him to unplug for a while and calm down. During his life he will need this ability. Also, be aware that in some cases children really prefer to calm down
Step 6. Use some distractions
It is possible to distract a child long enough to make him forget what he was focused on. It is not difficult. Distraction is a way to manage emotions and calm down.
Change the scenery, perhaps taking your child to the garage to help you with some small work. A little strenuous task can help him divert his attention from what was troubling him. You can discuss the problem with him later
Step 7. Listen very well and show understanding
When your child talks about his problem and why he got angry, listen carefully. Paraphrase and summarize what you understand. This will show him that you are following his story.
- With children, the secret lies in teaching them the difference between feelings and behaviors. It is perfectly normal and acceptable to get angry or upset, but it is necessary to manifest this state of mind in the right way. This is especially true with children who show their anger by punching, kicking or destroying objects.
- Ask a few questions. Your child may still be altered and omit some part of the story. However, by asking him questions, you can help him rearrange his thoughts.
- For example, if something at school made him nervous, try to summarize what he is saying: "Let me see if I understand correctly. Marco pushed you during lunchtime. You told the teacher, but he only ordered to stop, when you think he should have punished him. Did that happen? ".
- For example, if he has had a fight with friends, give him the right to be angry and upset. He may feel hurt and sorry for some time, but assure him that it will eventually pass.
Step 8. Think about how you can fix the problem
This will take his attention away from anger and help him focus on solving the problem. Encourage your child to find a solution where everyone wins. This way you will ensure collaboration in the house.
You can also offer some suggestions, but it would be just as effective to give him the opportunity to find a solution on his own. If he comes to understand how he can solve a problem, he will have a feeling of greater control. He will also learn to cope with difficulties: this ability will be useful to him throughout his life
Step 9. Try to be consistent and patient
You are teaching your child the right way to go about life, so follow these steps to learn the lesson.
Step 10. Help him handle difficult situations
There will come a time when he will be angry that he has been wronged. Whether it's bullying or rudeness on the part of his peers, there may be a valid reason behind his anger.
- If he needs protection, for example if he is being bullied, show him how he can handle this situation assertively. Ask the school principal for help and notify the teachers. Reach out to all the people who have a role in this situation until you have found a satisfactory solution.
- If you are patient in the most difficult situations, you will show your child the right spirit to solve problems.
Part 6 of 6: Protect Your Safety
Step 1. Protect yourself and your children
The first thing you need to do when confronted with an irascible person is to provide for your own physical safety. If there are children in the home who have suffered physical, emotional and psychological assaults or who are witnesses of domestic violence, it is necessary to ensure their safety and yours.
- Make a plan so you know what to do if you are in danger.
- If possible, find a temporary place to stop or a safe place to stay to protect yourself.
- Use a code word with your children when someone is in danger. Teach them what to do if they use that word (for example, go out and immediately run to a friend's house).
Step 2. Tell a friend or family member you trust about your situation
If you can, talk to a friend, neighbor, or relative about your safety plan. Tell him which facial expressions you could use in case of danger.
Step 3. Learn the route to escape correctly
Find the nearest exits. If you can't leave the house, find the safest areas of the house where there are no weapons or other tools that can be used to harm you.
Always park your car in front of the house and make sure the tank is always full
Step 4. Carry a mobile phone with you at all times
Never forget it and also store the most important phone numbers.
Step 5. Call a domestic violence phone line
If you are having trouble walking away from a particular situation, call the public utility number. It provides listening and support to women who are victims of intra- and extra-family violence. It is accessible from the entire national territory free of charge, both from the fixed and mobile network.
