A dominatrix takes on a leadership role within the sexual or sensual relationship and the (submissive) partner agrees to fulfill all of her wishes or to carry out orders. Become a dominatrix by taking sexual control, respecting your partner's boundaries and trying new things. Make sure all practices are done safely and talk to the other person thoroughly about yours and their wishes before engaging in a BDSM session.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Understanding the Importance of Consent and Security
Step 1. Never take consent for granted
The partner must give their approval freely; if he is drunk or unconscious he cannot be consenting. It is best to check his sanity from time to time. Obviously, during a BDSM act it is not easy to make sure every time that you are allowed to do certain things, which is why it is essential to set limits in advance.
Step 2. Define limits before the session
Talk to your partner to find out what is not allowed and what may be allowed based on several factors, including pain, pressure, or psychological distress. A list of "want, will and will not do" is useful to understand if your wishes and those of the submissive are on the same wavelength. In practice, this list defines the practices you want to do, the ones you will do if you are asked for and the ones you don't want to do.
Creating a "contract" is a fun way to compile this list. Although it has no legal validity, it can however initiate a scene with the submissive, set the boundaries and delimit the boundaries of the fantasy itself
Step 3. Keep communication open throughout the experience
It is important to observe your partner's body language. Although it is quite common for the submissive to play the role of the victim, it is quite easy to recognize the difference between a consenting person and one who has revoked their will to undergo such practices, especially if they are gagged. Look into her eyes, see if her body stiffens or shrinks; all these signs indicate that he is not enjoying himself at all; if instead they are granted reactions that are part of the "game", establish them in advance.
Step 4. Choose a safety word or gesture and a warning sign
To make sure both of you are always consenting throughout the relationship, choose a safe word and gesture, as well as a warning word and gesture. The warning is used to indicate that there is something wrong or that you are not sure you want to continue, while the word or gesture of security indicates a definitive withdrawal of consent. Here are some tips for the most suitable words:
- Some examples of safety words are "stop" and "red", while the warning words can be "slow down" and "yellow".
- The gesture depends on numerous factors, including the parts of the body that can move, if you can see your face and so on. However, simple safety and warning movements could be winking and swaying or shaking the head.
Step 5. Always keep safety scissors on hand
Sometimes, the ropes get knotted or move to more dangerous places during the game. This is the reason why it is always wise to have scissors on hand when practicing bondage. While you'll never use them in the end, they should help your partner relax and enjoy the present moment, instead of worrying about possible asphyxiation.
Step 6. Make sure there is water
Just like any other strenuous exercise, hydration is important, especially if you or the submissive are wearing heavy clothing or accessories (such as leather). Water can also be part of the game, as you can use it to provoke your partner before giving him control of the water.
Step 7. Take lessons
It's a perfect way to familiarize yourself with the complex role of the dominatrix. Since many BDSM toys are potentially dangerous, taking courses to use ropes safely or to be a dominatrix allows you to learn safe practices even in the dungeon. Find out if a sex shop in your area runs classes, but make sure they are safety and practice-oriented classes between consenting adults.
Method 2 of 5: Manipulating Physical Sensations
Step 1. Choose a toy to hit
It is used precisely for the purpose of hitting the partner, usually to spank him, during a BDSM practice. It can be a whip, a stick or a shovel. The type depends on the comfort level of the submissive; you can find many different items, from the traditional "Indiana Jones" style whisk to padded stirrers.
Step 2. Consider using tickle items
While many people don't associate this feeling with BDSM, such a tool can create the same discomfort as a hitting toy, only it's tickling instead of pain. It can also be used to tease the partner on erogenous zones, such as the neck or nipples.
Step 3. Use nipple clamps or clips
Forceps are used to infuse pain or pressure on the skin and are typically applied to the nipples. In the case of beginners, it is better to set the time limit of ten minutes, as these tools can prevent blood circulation to the nipples.
Step 4. Use dildos or anal plugs
These tools are perfect for all sex games, but are especially fun in BDSM ones. When buying a dildo or anal plug, make sure they are made of non-toxic material and that you have a safe lubricant to use with these tools. You can use water-based lubricants with all sex toys; oily ones are not suitable if you are using condoms or objects made of latex, rubber or PVC, while silicone lubricants should not be used with toys made of the same material.
Vibrating dildos and plugs can bring more liveliness to the game
Method 3 of 5: Using Bondage
Step 1. Choose a rope that's right for you
They exist in every color and material, from nylon to silk; each model offers different levels of comfort and safety. If you are unsure what type you need or want, talk to the sex shop clerk.
Step 2. Play safely with the rope
It can turn into a dangerous toy, as if used improperly, it can cause nerve damage, asphyxiation and even death. For example, you should never press it on your partner's throat. Here are some factors you should consider when deciding to use ropes:
- You should never leave the tied person alone;
- Avoid positions that make breathing difficult;
- Make sure the position of the ropes is comfortable and allows blood circulation. You should be able to slip at least one finger between the string and your partner's skin.
Step 3. Add handcuffs
There are models for the wrists, for the legs and even for the genitals; they allow to immobilize the partner more quickly than the rope and in some cases they can be even safer, depending on the model. They are available in several different versions, from soft velcro ones to metal ones with lock; again, talk to your partner to choose which type to use.
Step 4. Choose a suitable gag for your partner
There are a few different models and you should discuss which one is best with the submissive. A ball gag creates a deep feeling of vulnerability, interferes with breathing in some way, and opens the jaw in an unusual way. A bite pattern is less obtrusive to the jaw and breathing; no matter which type you choose, you should always agree on a safety gesture or signal that lets you know that your partner feels gravely in danger.
Do not leave the gag on the submissive's mouth for more than twenty minutes, especially if the person is not used to this practice
Step 5. Use a leash
It can be a fun tool for the feeling of control it gives to the dominatrix and the sense of submission it gives to the partner. To use it safely, do not pull it hard, check that the collar is secure and that you can put two fingers under it.
Method 4 of 5: Set the Atmosphere
Step 1. Choose a theme
Whether you're imagining the 18th century Marquis de Sade's aristocratic sex dungeons or a futuristic lair, the theme is important to whet the imagination. While it is not necessary to change all the furniture in the room to suit the setting, you can still use scenery elements to create the mood of the fantasy you want to put into practice.
Step 2. Wear clothes that define your dominatrix identity
These include leather or brocade garments, a mask, cape, or anything else that indicates power or mystery. You can make clothes that are in theme with the room or the fantasy; you can choose the look of an eighteenth-century vampire or that of gothic and steampunk settings; it all depends on your fantasy and your identity as a dominatrix.
Step 3. Choose clothes for the submissive
The fact that you choose could be part of the game or you can decide together what your partner should wear during the session. Among the garments that are generally used are the hoods, straitjackets and even chastity belts. Just make sure the submissive feels comfortable in these clothes and accessories before starting a BDSM game.
Try using an eye patch. Keeping the partner in suspense is the tool of every dominatrix; in this way, the submissive cannot see what is about to happen; you can use soft silk bands or leather bandages, according to your style. There are tons of options to choose from
Step 4. Furnish the dungeon
Furniture for sex or especially BDSM can be an intriguing element for power play as a dominatrix. From swings to cages, there are numerous furnishing accessories that you can use in your dungeon or bedroom and you can use them to change or make the atmosphere even more interesting.
Step 5. Choose the music
Whether it's Bach's grim "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" or a piece from the musical "Mozart, the rock opera" that fits your imagination, music allows you to enrich the experience with a touch of sensuality, power or suspense. Music makes the emotions and sensuality more intense during the game, but make sure that it does not become a source of distraction.
Method 5 of 5: Play the Role of the Dominatrix
Step 1. Order your partner when he can and can't talk
This detail is used in addition to or in place of the gag. In addition to giving him permission to speak after being forced into silence, this practice can delight both of you.
Step 2. Order him what to say
When you do, you can stay in character (if you are putting a fantasy into action) or use words that you have previously agreed upon. In both cases, the control you exercise helps to increase the intensity of the moment; for example, you can ask him to tell you that you are his queen or to explain exactly what he wants.
Step 3. Tell him what to do
This practice is often considered a tradition in the dominatrix / submissive relationship, but it can certainly be added to the power dynamic. Ordering your partner to kiss or touch you allows you to develop new sexual relationships. For example, you can ask to be kissed on the lips, just be careful not to order something that could make your partner uncomfortable; if he says the safety word, stop or withdraw your request. This doesn't mean that the whole game has to stop, just that you have to change tactics. Try offering an alternative, you can say for example: "If you don't want to kiss me on the lips, you will give me a kiss on the cheek in return."
Step 4. Invent roles to enact a fantasy
RPGs are creative and fun to add to the pathos of the scene. For example, you can step into the shoes of any couple of characters linked by dynamics of power, such as a queen and a subject, the boss and the assistant or whatever else you can think of.
Step 5. Establish penalties as part of the game
Sometimes, dominatrixes inflict punishment for infractions committed by the submissive. This detail should be thoroughly discussed before the session, especially if you are new to BDSM. In theory, punishment should be a lot of fun for the partner; for example, you can use any toy to hit him or force him to silence or apologize. In any case, do not exceed the limits set initially.
Advice
- Get to know other people who already follow this lifestyle. Even a dominatrix needs a mentor; ask someone you feel comfortable with to help you orient yourself in this world and adopt the safest and healthiest practices.
- If you have sexual problems with your partner, work with a sex therapist or couples counselor.
- Always do some research and take precautions when engaging in potentially dangerous practices such as hanging, bondage, or using gags. If you make a wrong move, your partner could suffer terrible accidents! Talk to a professional first.
