Family arguments happen. But long-term quarrels do not match the harmony that must reign between family members. Here are some tips that will help you resolve any disputes in your family.
Steps
Step 1. Calm down
When you are angry you get very little. Emotions can interfere with logic and prevent empathy. While reasoning is not easy, do what you can to calm down when you are angry, it is a fundamental step if you want to be able to solve something. Take a walk, a shower or take a break. Just put some space between you and the anger.
Step 2. Get together
Agree to meet each other. Find a time and place that doesn't inspire you to resume the battle. Maybe a public place, or in front of a therapist or a religious minister to avoid going into a rage again.
Step 3. Think
Don't just go around in circles, preparing yourself for a new attack. Use your time before the meeting to plan your attitude, develop your perspectives, consider all options, and decide on a possible deal. List the two points of view and identify the positive and negative of both. Get ready.
Step 4. Be positive
This is your opportunity to lead the process and show others how seriously you want to resolve the dispute. Show up at the meeting with your head held high, smiling, positive, inclined to find a good solution.
Step 5. Follow the leader
If you have used a professional mediator, you will receive the necessary guidelines. But even if you are managing mediation yourself, try to identify and follow the official mediation procedures. The more formal the process, the higher the chances that it will be taken seriously. Important guidelines include: A) speak in turns (without interrupting yourself); B) repeat what has just been said to show that you are attentive; C) list any suggestions; D) take a break if someone gets angry, take a moment to breathe deeply; E) put the agreement in writing.
Step 6. Documenta
Whatever the result, put it in writing and make sure it is signed by both parties. As seen above, doing so will formalize the process, add solemnity, and help the parties to the arrangement remember their commitments.
Step 7. Review if needed
If the deal begins to crumble, call the mediation again and reconfirm it. If changes are needed, follow the original mediation process.
Advice
- Don't use words like "you", "she" or "them", use people's names to show more respect.
- Find a neutral place to talk.
- Celebrate success! Reward yourself for what you have done well.
- If the fight is very personal or highly flammable, seek professional help.
- Choose a mediator who is neutral and respected on both sides.
Warnings
- Just focus on one topic at a time. If something new comes to light, take note and come back to the topic later.
- Do not prolong meetings excessively. Long mediations turn into endurance races. Stop when you feel tired or frustrated. Agree on when to resume.
- Keep your voice low. Do not shout.
- Avoid those mediators who may be motivated to take someone's side. Your mother will not be a good broker.
- No insults. No accusatory statements by you.
- Leave the past in the past. Focus on the present and the future.
- Both the parties must at least have the will to try.
