The funeral usually takes place a couple of days after the vigil or contemplation. Whether you're seeing it for the first time or it's been years since the last funeral ceremony you went to, there are some general rules and guidelines to follow. Remember to arrive early, dress in black and offer condolences to the family; If, on the other hand, you are attending a religious ceremony that you are unfamiliar with, do some research in advance to feel more comfortable during the service.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Getting to the funeral
Step 1. Dress modestly
When you participate in this type of ceremony you must always choose sober clothes; do not wear flashy, deep colored, drooping clothes, blouses or low-cut dresses. You don't necessarily have to wear black clothes, but choose dark colors like blue, green and gray; as a general rule, choose a business casual look when attending a funeral.
Step 2. Get there early
Try to be at the agreed place about 10 minutes before the scheduled time; in this way, you can find a seat and sign the condolence book (if there is one), taking care to write the name first and then the surname; in some cases, you can also write down the relationship that binds you to the deceased - friend, colleague, teammate, and so on.
Step 3. Don't sit in the front rows
They are generally reserved for family members, close relatives and close friends; if you don't belong to one of these categories, sit in the middle or back sector.
Part 2 of 3: During the Ceremony
Step 1. Turn off all sources of distraction
You should turn off the ringer of the cell phone you keep in your pocket or bag or turn it off completely; you don't have to risk interrupting the function with the phone ringing.
- Browsing social media at a funeral is considered bad taste; Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat can wait.
- Taking photographs is a behavior to blame, unless you are expressly authorized.
Step 2. Offer your condolences to the family
It is an appropriate and welcome practice; there are many ways to proceed, but the traditional method is to bring or send flowers or verbally express your participation in the pain to family members; the important thing is to behave normally.
- Before bringing flowers, ask the family or the funeral home who are organizing the ceremony if this is appropriate.
- You can show your condolences by saying, "I'm really sorry for your loss" or "I'm here for you and your family in case you need anything." If words fail, just hug or just say, "My condolences."
Step 3. Don't be afraid to show your pain
It is perfectly normal to cry at funerals, it is a healthy reaction; however, if you start doing this uncontrollably, apologize and walk away until you have recovered.
Step 4. Listen to the eulogy with respect
Although it is a common practice, not all funeral ceremonies provide for it; for example, in Roman Catholic and Anglican rites, praise is discouraged. However, if you are attending a function where someone wants to express themselves in that sense, listen with respect to what they have to say; if you get distracted, other people may be offended.
In general, laughter is not considered acceptable unless it is justified. One time you can laugh is during eulogy, when the speaker can tell a funny memory about the deceased; however, in order not to make mistakes, follow the reactions of the family
Step 5. Only approach the open casket if you feel like it
During some functions the coffin remains open; if you feel uncomfortable, know that you are not required to approach to look at the deceased. If you'd rather do it, but you're worried about having an emotional breakdown, ask someone to accompany you.
Part 3 of 3: Attending a Religious Funeral
Step 1. Learn about religious customs before attending the service
It may happen that you have to attend a religious ceremony, but you do not know its traditions and "etiquette"; To avoid embarrassing or inappropriate situations, do some research in advance. For example, it is not customary to bring flowers to a Jewish funeral; for Catholic funerals, it is traditional to send a religious-themed condolence card.
Step 2. Do what the other participants do
If you don't know how to behave correctly, imitate what other people are doing; stand up when everyone does and sit down when others sit. In this case, it is a good idea to sit in the back rows so that you can follow others' example.
Step 3. Do not feel offended by the customs of religion
Remember that you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable; if you attend a funeral of a confession you don't belong to, you don't have to pray or sing with everyone else. Instead, bow your head respectfully as if you were reflecting.
