Family and friends are two different categories. Unfortunately, you cannot choose who your blood relatives are. But you can decide that your family is the people who take care of you and your well-being, people you enjoy being with regardless of blood ties. It is very easy to live a great life, even with pathological relatives.
Steps
Step 1. Follow the events you like, or join an organization such as a church or a hiking association
Step 2. Stop worrying about people who only share genetics with you
While this is easier said than done, remember that you don't have to be like them, you are the person you decide to be. Spend some time self-analysis, hang out with trusted friends, who share your values and have a vision of life like yours, to find support and compare your ideas. Often, if you come from a disturbed family, you may lack some relationship skills, which is taken for granted in healthy families. Likewise, even your friend who takes certain behaviors for granted may not understand that his or her ways of reacting may be different from yours or your family. Observe how healthy and happy people live and manage conflicts, how they cope with differences, changes in their lives, uncomfortable situations, apologies and embarrassments.
Step 3. Learn to recognize people who are positively interested in what you do or say
Distinguish them from those who are not. There are so many people who gravitate to anyone who is vulnerable or unsure of their life path, and they promise answers for everything. You can only trust those who are comfortable with themselves and who only give advice when asked; don't listen to those who give you a lot of sermons, who preach good but scratch badly.
Step 4. Stop thinking that everyone is like your family, only they are better at hiding it
It is not so. There are people who live very well, who are generous and kind to those they love, for whom they are responsible and who have faith in life. No matter how your family acts, their behavior is only typically "HER", and it can be down to their problems.
Step 5. If you are invited to participate in any activity, go
You can't make friends with people without sharing experiences. Sitting alone at home is not an effective socialization technique.
Step 6. Realize that you are one of millions of people who are not enthusiastic about their relatives
If there is a common problem there are support groups that can help you - such as the Children of Adult Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families). You will find many who have made the same decision as you not to repeat the problems of their parents and not to make their children live the same situation.
Step 7. Take parenting lessons before having children
If you had a strict, bitter, destructive, dysfunctional, or inconsistent parent as an example, you have a lot to learn before raising a child. Take lessons and learn the patience to deal with children during all stages of development, firmly but confidently and gently, where punishment is moderate and judgment is expressed calmly rather than in anger.
There are dozens, maybe hundreds of little bad habits that contribute to a bad relationship that you can pass on to your kids without realizing it, even if you've changed an obvious thing or two like "don't hit them hard enough to leave a bruise" or " don't forbid them from reading books. " You will have to change those behaviors that hurt you the most when you suffered them. Remember that there can be many more things that you don't realize that hurt you because of how you were treated, and that you can learn not to repeat. What is said by yelling at a little boy to scold him is very different between a healthy family and a dysfunctional one. A healthy parent never insults his child in anger for teaching him
Step 8. Smile and remember it's your life, and you only have one
You are the one who has to live it. If they've hurt you so badly, they don't know what's best for you, even if they say they know. Being wary of their ideas can be a big commitment, because the canons of society require you to believe in the family, but when it has proved unreliable it is vital for you to understand who you can trust or not. This is what health means, what the happiness you have the right to experience means.
Step 9. Forget those dull, irritating people you are blood related to and try to have fun
Breaking ties can be difficult, but if the situation is very serious it may be the best thing to do. Live your life for what you believe in and recognize that the happiness you live is real.
Step 10. Live a new life
Decide who you would have liked to be if you weren't raised theirs and acquire those skills you've always wanted. Decide who you want to become and commit to this goal. You can leave and start a new life completely different from what people expected of you. It is your right: it is your life, you and no one else are the person who has to live it.
Advice
- Some days will be more difficult than others to cope with. Joining a group for any activity is a great way to get involved in something.
- Holidays are the most difficult times when there is no good family, but try to do some volunteer work. You could collaborate in some soup kitchen during the Christmas period, or distribute gifts in an orphanage.
- Do something you've never done before and try something new.
- Attending various classes from different courses can also be a good idea and will connect you with other people who share your interests.
