"Be yourself" is probably the most used phrase in the history of personal advice. But what exactly does this mean? And is it really as simple as it sounds? It can become one, by following the advice listed in this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Finding Out Who You Are
Step 1. Find yourself and define your way of being
Oscar Wilde, with his classic wit, said: "Be yourself, everyone else has already been busy." As funny as it sounds, this phrase comes very close to the truth. However, you cannot be yourself unless you first understand who you are.
- Take some time to get to know yourself and discover your essence, contemplate your life and your choices. Think about the things you would like to do and the ones you don't care about and act accordingly. Don't be afraid to experiment and make mistakes - it's part of the process.
- You can also take tests to find out about your personality, but don't let them influence you that much - just use them to get to know yourself better. If you can't accept yourself, you will see that, as time goes by and surrounding yourself with the right people, you will end up loving your personality.
Step 2. As you try to understand what your values are, don't be surprised if any of them conflict with others:
it is a natural result caused by our modern society, characterized by a wide variety of sources that include culture, religion, the teachings received, the people who inspire us, education, etc. What really matters is that you keep working on yourself to find your true essence.
Just because the values seem to conflict doesn't necessarily mean you have to abandon them. Consider them all part of an evolving person. It is not fair to be pigeonholed. You have values for all the different aspects of your life, so it's only natural that they are different
Step 3. Live in the moment without thinking too much about the past
In fact, you need to give yourself the opportunity to grow over the years without rethinking what you were before or wondering what you will become in the future. Focus on the present to improve and to become wiser. Allow yourself to grow. Be wiser.
- Forgive yourself the mistakes of the past that do not make you proud and accept the choices you have now made. What's done is done. Surely you had your good reasons to act in certain ways, but now what you are counts: all you have to do is learn from those lessons and continue along your path.
- Beware of people who claim to be proud that they have never changed in the course of their existence. Do they seem to you that they have a flexible way of seeing life or that they are happy? Often they are not because they waste so much energy insisting that things have remained unchanged from 10, 20 or 30 years ago that they are unable to embrace new ideas, learn from others or simply grow. Growing up at all ages and stages of life is an essential part of being authentic with yourself and emotionally healthy and whole.
Step 4. Never stop looking for your strengths
Over time, they will surely change and that is why you always have to reevaluate them and counterbalance them with your flaws.
- Comparisons cause resentment. And a resentful person cannot focus on himself because he is too busy dreaming of someone else's life.
- Comparisons also lead you to criticize others more than you should. If you have no self-esteem and you always compare yourself to other people, you will find yourself living a life of envy and criticism. And that certainly won't make you grow. It is a way to lose friends, respect and time admiring others for their characteristics, without thinking about you.
Step 5. Relax
Don't always expect the worst and learn to be self-deprecating. You will find that people around you will also feel more relaxed if you are able to laugh kindly at yourself when, for example, you have spinach residue in your teeth or stumble in front of everyone. Taking yourself too seriously doesn't pay!
Turn it into a fun story to share with others. It allows others to understand that you are not perfect and also makes you feel more comfortable. Laughing at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously can be an attractive quality
Part 2 of 4: Dealing with Others
Step 1. Be honest without being hard on yourself
Let's not hide behind a finger, we are all imperfect and we all always have something new to learn. If you feel insecure about certain aspects of your life and think it would be better to hide certain nuances of your personality or some physical defects, then you should first try to accept your imperfections, whether physical or character, and be honest with yourself without but judge yourself severely. Your imperfections make you unique, but if you just can't live with them, do something to improve yourself.
Try the tactic of recognizing your shortcomings when arguing with someone. You will often find that you have suddenly removed the reason for so much stubbornness on the subject. The moment you say that you are sorry and that you will try to improve, you will infuse the discussion with a sense of genuine disarming honesty
Step 2. Don't compare yourself to others
If you always compare yourself to other people, you will never be happy. This comes from comparing yourself to others, finding yourself wanting to be a certain way. It's a slippery ground to walk on where your thinking will only get more and more negative.
- You can always see the appearances of others but you will never see what is really going on behind those facades in their seemingly perfect world. By comparing yourself to others, you give too much power to their representations and reduce your value on the basis of a mirage. It is a useless activity that only brings harm.
- Instead, value the person you are, love your personality and embrace your flaws; we all have them, and as explained earlier, being honest is better than shunning them.
Step 3. Stop worrying about how others perceive you
Some will be like you and some will not. It's practically impossible to be yourself when you constantly ask yourself, "Do they think I'm funny? Do you think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I good / smart / popular enough to be part of their group of friends?" To be yourself, you have to let go of these worries and abandon yourself to the flow of your existence, with your consideration of others only as a filter - they don't have to be considering you.
If you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not love you and you will enter a perennial vicious circle looking for people who like you, instead of focusing on building your talents and strengths
Step 4. Stop being an easy going person
Always wanting everyone's love and respect in the end is a totally useless exercise that can damage your personal development and self-esteem. Who cares what others say? As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent': what matters most is to listen to your inner confidence and, if it is lacking, start developing it!
Does this mean not trusting anyone? No. It hurts to be socially rejected. If you are forced into a situation where you spend all your time among people who can't stand you for their own reasons, it's dangerous to internalize their negative ideas about who you are. What you can do is choose those people for whom your opinions are worth more than those of others. It is much healthier to pay attention to those who truly value you and who agree with you about what you want to do with your life
Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people
Don't trivialize what you are going through if it is negative social pressure or bullying. It is easier to bear if you are aware of this pressure and build healthy defenses. Building a circle of trusted friends who share your views and beliefs in life is a good way to help reduce the impact of hostile people. You can tell yourself that other people's opinions don't matter and shouldn't matter, but it's much easier when there are others who agree with you and are on your side.
Distinguish between those who love you and those who bully you; you will suddenly realize that their opinion of you, your family or your lifestyle is completely useless. We inherently care about the opinions of those we respect and whom we look to as examples. This works both ways; if someone has no respect for you, then what they say about you are just empty words from a complete stranger
Step 6. Learn to distinguish between self-serving, sarcastic and thoughtless comments and constructive criticism
This way, you will understand what your mistakes are and what you can do to remedy them. The opinions of your family, your friends, your teachers or your superiors, in general, serve to make you better because these people really care about you.
These people care, are interested in how to grow as a person, and are respectful. Learn to spot the difference and you will live well, rejecting unnecessary negative criticism and learning from constructive criticism
Part 3 of 4: Cultivating the True Self
Step 1. Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend
Pamper yourself, respect yourself and be kind to yourself. If you were going to go out with you for a day, what is the most fun / enjoyable / satisfied / calm / content type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What's the best version of you?
Be responsible for yourself and in boosting your self-esteem. If others don't tell you you're great, don't let them get to you. Instead, keep telling yourself that you are special, wonderful, and valuable. When you believe these things about yourself, others recognize that glow of self-confidence and immediately start confirming your self-affirmations
Step 2. Develop and express your individuality
Whatever your style or way of speaking, if it moves away from the mainstream and produces positive results, you can be proud of yourself. Try to be a character, not a type.
Learn to communicate well - the better you can express yourself, the easier it is to make it clear who you are
Step 3. Don't be unfair to yourself
If, for example, you work as a freelance screenwriter and you compare yourself to a famous Hollywood producer, you are thinking about your life in an unobtrusive way because the producer certainly has years and years of apprenticeship and experience behind him, while you are only begin.
If you really have to make comparisons, at least try to be realistic and inspired by the people you admire most without despising yourself
Step 4. Have a personal style
Many people have a habit of copying other people's actions because they seem to have mapped out the best route to adapt to, but really shouldn't you stand out? It's very difficult, yes, but you have to try to avoid taking other people's perspectives as your own, even if it's not something you would normally do.
Whatever you are, 'accept it'. Being different is definitely cool and it draws people to you. Don't let people change you
Step 5. Accept that some days are better than others
Someone might even raise their eyebrows and make fun of you when you are really yourself, but as long as you can shrug and say, "Hey, this is me!", People will eventually respect you and you can respect. yourself. Most people struggle to be themselves; if you succeed, they may even admire you.
Sometimes it will hurt to feel cheated. While it can be very difficult to put into practice, try your best to let it all slide off your shoulders. Eventually, you will be a bigger and better person, you will know who you are, and you will be better able to survive any obstacles that may arise in your future
Part 4 of 4: Walk Head High
Step 1. Defend your rights
Don't let someone bully you - no one has ever obtained an official certificate that entitles them to bully! If you have a problem, there are a lot of good people who can't wait to help you.
Step 2. Defend the rights of others
When you are in the presence of a bully, it is in your nature to try to stop him. No matter the "how": you have the right to do it. Believe in yourself.
Step 3. Defend even those who give you a hard time
Just because you had to fend for yourself doesn't mean they don't deserve your support!
Advice
- Just because someone says they don't like something about you doesn't mean it's a bad thing or that you need to change. Often it is just a matter of personal preference.
- Don't feel the need to do something spectacular or out of the ordinary to be an individual - all you need to do is show who you are on the inside.
- Change is a constant. So changing who you are over time is inevitable. It could be good if you have remained informed and consistent with the world around you and have allowed your personal development to be a priority in your life.
- Even if your friends seem different, don't go back. Be yourself, and if they don't accept you, they're not true friends.
- If you need to be yourself, do what your heart tells you, that is, what you feel inside. If people make fun of you, you don't have to react on their level: turn around and ignore them. Doing what you want doesn't mean you have to go crazy. Be sane and always smile beautifully.
- Doing your best to be a different person in academia or work and in sports can be unhealthy. It can be especially dangerous to strive to be like someone else just to have the popularity, appearance, and attitudes of others. Try to keep your uniqueness intact by focusing on building your strengths by inspiring yourself to others, not copying them.
- Fashions and trends are a personal decision. While some people avoid them like the plague in the name of "individualism," it doesn't mean you're not yourself when you choose to follow a trend. It's all about knowing what you want.
- Occasionally, however, it is useful to compromise. For example, if all of your friends want to go to a concert that you don't care about but you never have time to be with them, accompany them anyway. This way, you will also show respect for the tastes of others.
- Remember that no one knows you better than yourself.
Warnings
- Respect others just as you respect yourself. Having personal tastes, dreams, preferences and opinions doesn't mean you shouldn't pay attention to others. Everyone has needs and hopes that are worth as much as ours and there are no people who are more valuable than others. In short, on your journey towards discovering your essence, don't be reckless or selfish.
- Not giving importance to what people think of you does not rule out the fact that, within society, it is necessary to follow basic rules of mutual respect. In fact, if we behave in a rude, dominant and arrogant way, not only do we disrespect others, but we also do not respect ourselves. Cooperation and education should never fail.
