Does a bully person make you feel worthless? Do you misunderstand people's jokes for disguised insults? In most cases, a person's actions have little to do with you. Instead, they depend on how she was raised, how she copes with her emotional problems and other variables, such as mood, energy levels or health. It's important to remember this if you find yourself blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. To stop taking things personally, consider contingent factors as well as a person's motivations and background. Improving your self-esteem and communicating assertively are key to managing other people's comments.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Improve Self-Esteem
Step 1. Write a list of your strengths
People's opinions and behaviors are what they are. We become more susceptible to the opinions of others if we have doubts about ourselves and if we build the idea of our own worth on the opinions and actions of others. However, when you have confidence in your abilities, another person's rude behavior or negative opinion has less impact on you. Being proud and confident in your personal abilities is more important than the passing opinion of others.
- Make a list of your strengths and abilities to remember your worth.
- Write a list of qualities or moments that you are proud of. Reward yourself for these positive things. Think about the skills you demonstrated in those situations. How can you replicate those behaviors? This will help you gain confidence.
Step 2. Make a list of goals
Having things to aspire to is essential to feeling more important and motivated. Include in this list things you would like to improve or progress on.
Then, analyze each goal and break it down into smaller steps. How do you start working towards that goal? What little things could you do today?
Step 3. Remember how you help others
Offering your own contribution and helping other people are very rewarding actions that give you purpose in life and build your self-esteem. Remind yourself of the benefits and support you give to those around you.
Consider volunteering as a paramedic, at a school event, at a local support company, or on a website like wikiHow
Step 4. Remember that you don't need other people's approval
If you are particularly sensitive to the way you are treated and often overreact, you may have trouble coping with rejection. You always worry about getting something wrong when you get complaints or cause others to feel sorry, so you want to correct those problems. But it's important to understand that just because someone isn't happy with you doesn't mean you've done something wrong. In many cases, it means that individual is not happy with themselves and expects you to fill that void (but that's not possible).
Consider playing Rejection Therapy to gradually increase your tolerance for rejection
Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people
You will develop more self-confidence and be happier if you hang out with people who treat you well.
Eliminate toxic people from your life. Those who treat you badly or who dump all their problems on you without offering their support
Step 6. Take care of your physical appearance
Spend some time looking after your appearance and choose clothes that make you look your best. Keep your clothes clean and wear the right size for you. Throw away old clothes that don't fit, that are worn, faded, etc.
Maintain good posture, as it can improve your mood
Step 7. be gentle with the others.
Being nice to strangers will make you feel good. Really listen to other people, perform random acts of kindness, and find ways to make others smile. You will feel better.
Step 8. Smile
You will be surprised by the reactions of others. You may not know how a person's day went, but the effect that a simple smile can have is always positive.
Step 9. Be creative
Find something to dedicate yourself to. Creating something with your own hands is a great feeling. It's wonderful to hold a finished product that you created yourself and didn't exist before! Enriching and nourishing the mind allows you to grow more and more as a person and find interests in new areas that you previously only pursued for money or prestige.
Step 10. Talk to a psychologist
If you think you react too sensitively to other people's comments, you may benefit from an interview with a psychologist. This professional can help you identify the problems causing your hypersensitivity. He can also suggest strategies for dealing with interactions with negative people.
Part 2 of 4: Communicate Assertively
Step 1. Get your voice out
When you think a person is rude or disrespectful, say it. For example, if a person is constantly making nasty jokes, let them know what you think. She may not notice how aggressive or offensive she is and how her comments affect you.
Step 2. Use first person affirmations
The statements in the first person indicate that you are willing to take responsibility for your opinions and actions. This puts the emphasis on you and your feelings, it won't seem like you are criticizing your interlocutor. Non-violent communication can be a useful technique.
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A statement not in the first person:
"You are very rude and you are offending me on purpose!"
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First person affirmation:
"I feel offended when you say things like that."
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First person affirmation:
"I feel sad because it seems to me that we don't see each other anymore and I would like to see you more often."
Step 3. Take the discussion calmly
Verbally assaulting the other person would not be very productive. Instead, you should stay calm and explain that you are trying to talk. It is better to communicate how you feel than to argue with the other person.
Step 4. Use appropriate body language
When communicating assertively, pay attention to how you move. Keep your voice calm and volume neutral. Maintain eye contact. Relax your face and body.
Step 5. Know when you are not making progress
Almost all people respond constructively to affirmations in the first person, to peaceful and non-aggressive discussions. Others may get irritated, so if the conversation doesn't progress, walk away. You may decide to try again later or just avoid the person.
Step 6. Remember that some people are abusive or even violent
They may use emotional abuse tactics and therefore humiliate you, blame you for everything, or don't value your feelings. You may feel scared, exhausted, uncomfortable, threatened, depressed when you are in the presence of this person. If this is the case, he is a highly toxic individual and you should stop dating him right away.
If you are unsure of the situation, or if you have a disability (such as autism) that affects your social judgment, seek advice. Talk to someone you trust and do research on internet abuse
Part 3 of 4: Observe the Situation
Step 1. Assess the situation
In some cases, we take things personally and blame ourselves for another person's wrongdoing. An emotional and upset child, for example, might yell "You screwed it up!" Because you picked the wrong cake for his 12th birthday party. It is important to assess the situation and recognize that a preteen's behavior is likely due to hormones, changes in life, or their inability to regulate emotional response when their expectations are not met. His reaction probably isn't directly dependent on your choice of cake or your parenting job.
Step 2. Avoid exaggerating the situation
In some cases, we give too much weight to a situation based on previous experiences or prejudices about people. This often leads to overstating a problem without honestly observing the facts. Try to analyze the situation critically.
- Don't jump to conclusions.
- Don't make the situation too tragic. Don't think that a little thing is the "end of the world". Are things really that bad?
- Avoid thinking that things "always" or "never" happen.
Step 3. Ask for clarification
If you hear a comment that you found offensive or rude, try asking the person to clarify what they meant. She may not have spoken correctly or you may not have heard well.
- "Could you explain yourself better? I'm not sure I understand."
- "I didn't understand. Could you put it in other words?"
Step 4. Give other people the benefit of the doubt
If you have a habit of taking things personally, you probably have a tendency to assume that someone will attack you in some way, when in reality they might just be joking or having a bad day. You may have an instinct to react emotionally, but stop for a second. Maybe it's not about you.
- Think about a bad day you had. It is possible that the person is going through such a day.
- Consider that that person may admit that they made a mistake. We all say things we regret and this may be the case.
Step 5. Learn what hurts you the most
You may be very sensitive about some topics. You may, for example, be very insecure about your clothes, because your mom always criticized what you wore when you were little.
- When you spot your triggers, you may find that you take things too personally.
- It may be helpful to inform people about the things that trigger you. "I'd rather you didn't make jokes that compare me to a witch. My nose and face are weak points for me, so you make me sick."
Step 6. Shift your attention
When you take things personally, you shift your focus from what someone said or did to your feelings. These feelings can intensify if you fixate on them. You may even find yourself rethinking what you would have said to the person if you could. This habit is called "ruminating". There are many strategies that can help you stop ruminating on a problem. Some of them include:
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Mindfulness exercises.
Be present in the moment, to leave the past ones behind.
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A walk.
A change of environment can distract the mind from problems.
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Reflect on your concerns for a limited time.
Give yourself 20 minutes to worry about a problem. When the time is up, move on to something else.
Part 4 of 4: Understanding Other People's Motivations
Step 1. Consider the emotions of others
Some people may react aggressively to certain situations or misbehave after a bad day. In these situations, their hostility is discharged on everyone they meet and has nothing to do with you. Aggressive behaviors are not provoked by the recipient.
A salesperson, for example, may not be cheerful, or downright rude, to you. Don't take offense personally and remember, "That person may be having a bad day and just want to go home. They probably deal with rude customers all the time. No need to take it personally…". Reply with something nice, like "I hope you have a good evening" and smile. You could make him feel better. Even if you won't make any difference in his day, you will know that you have done what you can to improve the situation
Step 2. Observe how that person treats others
He may make fun of or insult everyone he meets. Some people are antagonists by nature. Ask yourself:
- How does it interact with other people?
- Does he behave like this with everyone?
- What is the content of your speeches, regardless of tone?
Step 3. Consider that person's insecurities
Could she feel threatened by you in any way? In this case, don't feel bad because you are worth a lot. Think about how you could help this individual feel better.
Compliment him or ask if he wants to talk about something
Step 4. Consider the other person's emotion management skills
Remember that your interlocutor may have poor communication and emotion management skills. Some people don't learn how to communicate effectively or how to express and manage their emotions. It is important to remember this, as it helps you to be patient and sympathize with them, just as you would with a small child who has not yet learned how to behave.
Imagine that the inner child controls the person, who has not yet learned how to deal with problems in a mature way. It will be much easier to be patient and feel compassion when you see this individual as a learning child
Step 5. Recognize the other person's background
Some people have no social skills, don't know good manners, or have habits that are different from yours. A person may seem clumsy or even rude without meaning to. Others behave in a certain way and are unaware of how their behaviors are interpreted. This is not about rude or cold behavior directed at you.
- A person from a different culture, for example, who behaves in a reserved way, might appear cold or aloof.
- Others, such as those with autism, may not be aware of certain social cues or inflections in tone. They may seem insensitive or rude without meaning to.
- Some people may not understand that their "joking" attitude is not well received by others.
Step 6. Find out if a criticism is constructive
Constructive criticism is suggestions designed to help you. This is not about criticism of your worth or personality. For the person who criticizes you, it is easy to identify the points to correct. But we often forget to say how much a person is worth. Constructive criticism should allow the recipient to improve clearly and specifically. This is the exact opposite of a non-constructive criticism, which could only be a negative comment that does not allow for improvement.
- Imagine, for example, you've been working the last few weeks to prepare an important project for your boss. You gave your all and are satisfied with the final result. You show the job to the boss, hoping to get the praise you think you deserve. The answer instead is a list of things to improve. You may feel depressed, offended, or unappreciated. You may take these criticisms as offenses and not as a sincere attempt to improve your work.
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Non-constructive criticism:
"The article is pulled out and the references are inaccurate. The second argument lacks substance." This comment offers no way to improve.
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Constructive criticism:
"The article you wrote needs more references and an expansion on the second topic. Otherwise, the work is good."
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Definitely not constructive criticism:
"This is a terribly written article."
When you receive non-constructive criticism, you may feel hurt. Consider the person's skills in managing emotions and social interactions
Step 7. Ask questions when you receive criticism
When you hear criticism, especially if it's not constructive, ask the person what they meant. You will show that you value his opinions and can politely improve his ability to make constructive criticism.
