Whenever you start a relationship with a girl that you feel a strong urge for, a little voice inside you tells you that she is not really interested and that she is just having fun. It's natural to have some insecurity when exposing yourself to someone, but living a story where you feel manipulated can be emotionally damaging. Pay attention to the typical signs of an unbalanced relationship.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Speak Openly
Step 1. Ask her how she feels about you
There are many ways to try to identify the right signs, but the simplest thing to do is to be frank and direct. Ask her if she really likes you and don't be afraid to say that you sometimes feel insecure about her. If you pester her, she might get nervous, but there's nothing wrong with asking her for some clarification. Don't accuse her. Just confess that sometimes you are worried.
Step 2. Tell her how you feel about her
It may seem counterintuitive to open up emotionally to someone you think is making fun of you, but in the end it might be the best solution. If you are sincere and let her know what your feelings are, she will be much more likely to answer honestly. If he teases you, he'll probably realize it's no joke to you and stop.
Step 3. Clarify when you feel that he is making fun of you
Don't be passive-aggressive, just tell her that sometimes the way she behaves hurts you. After all, no one is so ruthless: if he is making fun of you, he could stop knowing that he is making you suffer. Again, don't get mad. Just tell her quietly that you feel bad when she behaves a certain way.
Method 2 of 3: Assess the Health of the Relationship
Step 1. Assess how involved she seems
Does his attention to you vary constantly? Do you always talk about how attracted you are to other people? These signs may indicate that he doesn't take your story seriously.
- However, keep in mind that sometimes his behavior can only reflect how comfortable he feels around people. For example, if she is much more outgoing and affectionate when you go out alone, she may be shy in front of others. Don't be suspicious.
- Just talking about other guys isn't necessarily a bad sign. Maybe in her life she has very close male friendships. However, if she routinely talks about how attracted she is to another guy (and not you), chances are she doesn't have a strong interest in you.
Step 2. Pay attention to how he talks about your relationship
Does he deny having an affair with you in front of other people, even in front of his closest friends? If she denies that she is engaged to you when she talks to them, maybe she is manipulating you.
Sometimes people prefer to hide the new love affairs for fear that the other side may not have the same interest. However, once you are engaged and in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason to worry if friends find out
Step 3. Find out if you feel comfortable
You should feel emotionally and physically comfortable with the other person. If you feel like you have to deal with her with velvet gloves or that a bomb might go off at any moment, there is likely to be some problem in your relationship. It's like it's a real hunch, but you probably already know the answer.
Step 4. Notice how he interacts with your friends and family
If the relationship is going well, your partner should help by interacting civilly with the important people in your life. If he regularly criticizes them, he may be trying to isolate you from the people you care about. Whether he does it on purpose or without realizing it, it is still manipulative and unbalanced behavior.
Step 5. Ask your friends for advice
If you're getting paranoid, they'll likely help ease your worries and tell you when you're overdoing it. If there is some truth, they will be honest with you. Many times, friends have every intention of supporting our relationships, even if they know something is wrong. Maybe, not wanting to offend you, they were reluctant to tell you this girl was making fun of you. They were waiting for you to start the conversation by asking a few questions.
Method 3 of 3: Recognize Manipulatory Behavior
Step 1. Beware of tantrums
If she often sulks when you disagree with her or when you tell her you're not willing to do something together, maybe it's time to start suspecting something. If she seems upset when you're not doing her a favor, that's a bad sign too. However, just because he sometimes gets angry doesn't mean he's manipulating you. It is normal for him to get nervous, but this does not mean that he must exploit his state of mind to get everything he wants, perhaps forcing you to spend money.
- For example, if she gets angry when you don't pay her restaurant bill or give her gifts, you should consider what her motives are.
- See if she's willing to return favors. It is not a problem to help yourself financially from time to time. It is natural to meet each other when there are no problems in the relationship. If she doesn't seem interested in helping you financially, she may be facing a period of financial hardship.
Step 2. Beware of jealousy
If he forbids you from dating other girls because he cares, try taking a step back and assessing the situation. It is one thing to express concern about the presence of other girls, another is to forbid yourself from dating female friends. This is a manipulative and authoritarian attitude.
Step 3. Beware of blackmail
Being told that she would die if you leave her might seem flattering, but it's a subtle blackmail that binds you to her. Do you have children and threaten to tell them something you did if you don't submit to his will? This behavior indicates that your relationship is not healthy. If she tells you that she will go out every night of the week with her friends until you clean the whole house, that is also blackmail. Perhaps his attitude will no longer be as obvious as these examples, but you cannot fail to notice it.
Step 4. Don't fall into guilt
It is not healthy to constantly feel guilty about your partner. Be careful if she often tells you "I never expected such a thing from you" or if she makes you feel guilty about hanging out with your friends, neglecting her. The partner must be a person who offers support, must not generate feelings of guilt.
Step 5. Be careful if he asks you to give up your plans and replace them with his
If you wanted to go see a movie at the cinema one night, but she asks you to throw a party at your house, or she wants you to quit so you can spend more time with her, she's probably trying to manipulate you.
Advice
- The best way to deal with a new relationship is not to be obsessed. It's really cool and exciting to fall in love, but don't make it the only source of happiness in your life. It could one day turn out to be a huge failure if the story between you ends. Keep pursuing your hobbies and passions, trying to keep yourself busy when you are away from her.
- If you're sure your girlfriend was just using you or wasn't interested in you, don't get down on yourself. Keep in mind that even if you are feeling broken now, very soon you will meet someone much more interesting and perhaps more suitable for you. The world is full of women and you are unlikely to like just one, unless you refuse to let her go (which you should do if she is manipulating you).
- Just because your girlfriend is acting this way doesn't mean she's manipulating you. She may have an extravagant personality or be overly confident, although it would be best to keep your guard up.
- Take this article with a grain of salt. Don't close your story just because your girlfriend exhibits some of the behaviors listed above. Just don't let your guard down until you get to know her better. Don't give her your all until you're sure she has a real interest in you.
