We love our friends, but sometimes a friend who chatters too much can get tiring if they don't know when to stop. You respect your friend but would like him to learn to limit himself a little when he speaks, so that you can say something too! Here are some tips for interacting politely and tactfully and not ruining your friendship with a chatterbox.
Steps
Step 1. Reflect
Before assuming your friend is the problem, evaluate your behavior. We all have flaws, and if yours is impatience and the fact that you don't like to listen, then maybe your friend isn't talking too much in general, but talking too much for your liking. If, on the other hand, you are patient, respect your friend enough to listen carefully and yet can't get many words into the conversation, then the chances are that he or she really talks more than the norm.
- If your friend keeps telling you that you are "such a good listener", that could be a red flag!
- Tactfully ask mutual friends if they have experienced too much small talk with this friend. They may confirm your experience, making sure you are judging objectively. Maybe you don't even need to ask –– if everyone calls this mutual friend "the talker," then your impression is correct.
Step 2. Make allusions
If your friend has an obsession or a topic they are dwelling on, you may want to refer to a similar experience to point out what they do. For example, if your friend always talks about the latest gadgets in great detail, pick a TV personality who does the same thing and comment on it, like this: "I find it really exaggerated how X constantly talks about new software releases as if they were the most important thing in the world. Don't you have anything else to talk about? ". The problem with these allusions is that they are not always noticed and even if they are they are easily forgotten because they are a little passive-aggressive.
Step 3. Change the subject
Maybe your friend only delves when it comes to certain topics, like who she is dating, fashion, politics, religion, etc. If you can distract him from that subject, you may find that your friend (or friend) is actually a very reasonable person who can listen, converse, and who knows when to shut up. If so, you will need to come to an agreement whereby you establish a signal that indicates to the other that he is exaggerating on "that subject". If it is clear that both of you need to control yourself when talking about a particular topic, your friend will not feel targeted.
- Make a list of topics to draw from when your friend starts talking about their favorite topic.
- Don't worry if the change of subject is obvious. This is a small price to pay to let your friend know that "he is talking too much".
- Sometimes, despite your best efforts, even if you change the subject there will be a hook that will bring your friend back to the original topic, and the incessant chatter will start again! If it happens and you haven't unanimously decided to drop the subject when your friend overdoes it, it's time to take it seriously.
Step 4. Be more decisive
When your friend is overdoing it, don't be afraid to interrupt him at the right times. While this goes against the rules of the good listener, it is sometimes the only weapon at your disposal after you've listened politely and for a long time to someone who doesn't show the same respect. You could change the subject or give an example of what you are talking about but from your point of view and based on your experience.
Step 5. Be honest
Sometimes it's best to be direct and just tell your friend that you feel like he has talked so much that you haven't had a chance to give your opinion or share your opinion. Ask him to take it easy for a while and give you the opportunity to contribute to the conversation.
Try telling your friend who has talked about so many things that you no longer remember where you started
Step 6. Be respectful and honest when you tell your friend about his incessant chatter
There comes a time when you will feel you need to talk to him about his talkativeness. When you do, there are a few important ones to remember:
- Avoid telling your friend that they are selfish, narcissistic, or reckless. Maybe your friend is, but if you want to be friends you don't have to tell him. Instead, try to set the speech on how you feel when you speak, on the fact that you do not feel the connection between you and that you are not sharing information; you are free to explain that you feel a little left out.
- Remember to use phrases that begin with "I feel" and don't make harsh comments about your friend's characteristics.
- Explain that you know how enthusiastic he is about certain topics and that you enjoy learning, and tell him that you would like to share your views too, because you value his input and ideas about it.
- Keep in mind that some people talk too much when they are going through tough times, such as stress and anxiety, and people with bipolar disorder chatter nonstop during the manic (or euphoric) phase. Of course, that's no excuse to be selfish or even insulting, but try to be understanding.
Step 7. Pretend to be tired
Tell your friend that you need some rest from chatting. Something like, "Hey, why don't we just sit here in silence for a while, I didn't sleep well last night." Or you can log into Facebook on your smartphone and say: "I have to check because I couldn't yesterday –– do you mind if I spend a few minutes on it?". Or maybe you could say, "I can't concentrate today, I have a headache –– do you mind if we relax in silence for a while?" Do what suits you, so it doesn't seem rude and inappropriate - a simple pause that makes it clear that the conversation only went one way.
Step 8. Avoid using distractions that would only cheer your friend on
There are schools of thought that believe that you can address the problem of excessive talkativeness of others by focusing on others or on yourself, or by using techniques such as nodding your head or agreeing from time to time even if you were not listening. The problem is that your gaze will be lost in the void, and you won't hear important parts of the conversation with your friend, which your friend will find even more rude than interruptions.
- An effective action to get your friend to hurry can be checking their watch, diary or calendar, and perhaps even gesturing to leave, such as gathering your belongings or putting them in your bag.
- Try not to look around or stare into the distance. Your friend may think you are ignoring him and may feel insulted. Listen to it for a while but then try one of the recommended methods to not make your friend believe that you are willing to listen to endless chatter.
Step 9. If none of the above works, consider spending less time with that person
If you're sure you want him as a friend but also know you can't handle too many verbose encounters, keep the time you can spend together to a minimum. Some possibilities include:
- Only meet once in a while, when the news is really interesting to you too.
- Make sure you have another appointment to make about half an hour after you meet, so that you have a nice short meeting.
- Maintain a healthy friendship by having other things to do. If he / she likes gossip and knowing what famous people do you could propose to read magazines or you could watch MTV. If he / she likes to go out, visit another friend or go to a popular place. Sports types can be proposed to go to a game, or you can propose a challenge to football or some other sport. The possibilities are endless, you just have to customize the proposal to suit your friend.
- Text, email, or instant message instead of often meeting in person.
Advice
- Distract your friend by taking him to a place with lots of people. This way you don't have to listen to everything.
- Do what you want, once in a while. If your friend always wants to sit on the couch, suggest something you like, like watching a video, making some sweets, or doing something outside the house.
- Wear ear plugs. Or play the music low, but loud enough for you to hear. When your friend asks you something don't answer and don't look at him. Wait for your friend to ask you the question again. This way he may understand that you are focused on something else, and perhaps he will speak less.
