We all need help from time to time. To get the assistance we need, however, we need to be good at convincing others. By using the right speaking skills, actively listening and creating the best conditions in advance, we can hone our persuasion skills and get anyone to do what we need to. These skills can also improve your self-esteem and prepare you to be a competent leader.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Speak Effectively
Step 1. Tell a good story
People find personal stories compelling. When you ask for something, start from the beginning and paint a coherent picture of the situation. Why are you applying? What are the emotional and personal elements related to your needs? Sharing this information will make you much more persuasive.
- In general, be honest! You did not have this opportunity or need by chance. Explain how you got to this point.
- You can add dramatic elements to the story. What obstacles have you overcome? What keeps stopping you from achieving your goal? What helped you to endure? Was it your passion, diligence and practical intelligence?
Step 2. Use ethos, pathos and logos
According to Aristotle, the rhetoric of persuasion is based on three pillars: ethos (the credibility of the speaker), pathos (emotional involvement) and logos (the logic of argumentation). When talking to the person you're trying to persuade, include information about your credibility, offer logical reasoning, and find a way to touch the other person's heart.
- Describe your credentials. How long have you worked in your field or researched a particular investment opportunity? This way you emphasize your ethos.
- Explain what you need logically. How can the activities you request benefit the other person as well? This is the logos part of the argument.
- Try to emotionally involve the other person. What does his help mean to you? This is a call to pathos.
Step 3. Formulate your requests in the right order
We usually have a tendency to flatter people we want something from. Unfortunately, this attitude often has the opposite effect to what is hoped for: it makes your kind words seem false. Rather, ask directly for what you want, then add compliments.
- Instead of saying, "Hi! We haven't seen each other in a long time. Congratulations on all your achievements, you have been really good. I was just wondering if you could help me with a project."
- Try this: "Hi! I was wondering if you could help me with a project. We haven't seen each other in so long. Congratulations on all your successes, you have been really good."
- By following the second example you will seem much more sincere.
Step 4. Don't ask the other person to decide
In general, people don't like making decisions. Even the simplest choices can become stressful. For this you shouldn't give too many options to who you are trying to persuade. Simply ask what you need as directly as possible and entice him to say yes.
- For example, if you need help moving to your new apartment, just give the date and time and say exactly what you need.
- It may be tempting to be flexible about moving dates or other details but, ironically, these decisions increase the other person's stress and can lead them to say no.
Step 5. Talk with affirmations
People react better to declarative and positive statements. Don't go around what you want. Give clear directions and make firm statements.
Instead of saying "Don't hesitate to call me", you should say "Call me Friday"
Method 2 of 3: Listen Effectively
Step 1. Start by talking about the plus and minus
Start the conversation by talking amicably with the person you want to convince. This helps break the ice and create a casual atmosphere. It is easier to persuade someone when they are relaxed.
- Try to find out more about the person's life and use it as a starting point. Can you ask her a question about her daughter who recently got married, her new home, or her latest career success?
- Ask questions. If she says to you, "I thought I was going on vacation," ask her where she wants to go. Ask for more information about that location.
Step 2. Watch your body language
An easy way to create an emotional bond is to mimic the other person's attitude. Pay attention to how it moves and copy it. Imitating body language is a non-verbal way of saying "We think alike."
- If he smiles, you should too.
- If it leans forward, do the same.
- If she tries to take up a lot of space with her body, imitate her.
Step 3. Listen more than you talk
People love to talk more than they want to hear. By allowing your interlocutor to dominate the conversation, you can lead them to open up and feel comfortable. The more he talks, the more he will reveal important information about himself, for example what he cares about or what his values are; this can help you convince him.
- Avoid turning the conversation back to yourself too quickly. If it tells you about a vacation, don't start describing your ideal vacation right away.
- Ask follow-up questions and listen carefully to the answers.
- Pay particular attention to any superlatives the other person uses. If she describes something as "fantastic" or "wonderful" she is talking about a subject she is passionate about.
Step 4. Allow the other person to finish your sentences
In some cases, when we are asked a direct question we feel in trouble. To avoid this feeling, alternate traditional questions with suggestions in which the other person can simply complete a concept.
- Instead of saying "How would you feel if you bought a new car?", Try this: "If you bought a new car, you would feel…".
- Let the other person finish the sentence.
Step 5. Move the conversation to "needs"
Try to do it naturally. In theory, by listening to the other person you should already have an idea of what they like or care about. Use this "needs" part to figure out how you can help her so that she returns the favor.
- For example, you can ask: "What would help you make your days less tiring?".
- Sharing one of your needs can lead the other person to do the same. You could say, "I would like my partner to listen to my ideas," so you can see if she has problems with interpersonal relationships too.
Method 3 of 3: Prepare the Right Conditions
Step 1. Choose the right person to convince
There are probably some people who can give you what you want. How to understand which is better to persuade? The best person is the one with whom you have the strongest personal bond, who is in the best emotional condition, and who needs something from you. Try to find someone who meets at least two of these three conditions.
Step 2. Wait for lunch time
People have a tendency to be more open and willing when they are not hungry. In fact, hunger can cause anxiety, tension and negative emotions. Get the best results from your persuasion attempt by scheduling the conversation right after lunch.
Step 3. Help them, so that they help you
Mutual favors develop trust and strengthen relationships. If you know you're going to have to ask someone a big favor, be prepared by helping them out in advance. If you notice that he needs a hand, go first. Even a small gesture, such as carrying a heavy object or washing dishes, can get you into the person's good graces and apply for a favor in the future.
Step 4. Choose the right environment
Studies have shown that people have a tendency to have a "business-oriented mindset" (thrifty, selfish or aggressive) when in the workplace. By changing location your interlocutor can have a more generous mood. Try talking to him in a bar, restaurant, or home instead of a meeting room.
Step 5. Try what you are going to say
If you want to be convincing, you need to give the impression that you know what you are saying. To give this confidence, practice discussing the most important topics beforehand. If possible, it may be helpful to rehearse the entire conversation with another person. If no one is available to help you, talking in the mirror is also a great workout.
Advice
- Be polite.
- Don't be pushy.
- Communicate the emotions you want to make your interlocutor feel, in order to convince him.
Warnings
- Don't let your emotions dominate you.
- Don't be insecure.
- Being persistent doesn't mean being desperate. Despair is not attractive.
- If your attempt fails, don't complain and don't beat yourself up, or you risk going into depression.
