Knowing how to get someone to tell you the truth is a skill that could come in handy in any circumstance, such as at home and in the workplace. While it can cost you practice, patience, and a certain display of self-confidence, you have what it takes to develop it and get to the bottom of things. You can increase the likelihood of finding out the truth by showing people that you are on their side, starting a conversation on the right foot, and identifying signs that they are lying to you.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Prove that you are on your partner's side
Step 1. Avoid accusing
The chances of getting a person to confide in you are next to nil if they believe you are accusing them. So, stay calm and keep some neutrality with your body language. By shouting, banging your fist on the table and crossing your arms you will assume a hostile and aggressive air. Your interlocutor will be more willing to open up if he perceives an understanding attitude in you.
If you can, sit down and make eye contact, speaking in a calm, reassuring tone. Put your hands on your legs, sides or on the table and don't let any judgment come out of the expression on your face
Step 2. Show your empathy
To establish a climate of trust, you need to make your interlocutor understand that you understand him and that you are able to put yourself in his shoes. He'll be willing to tell you the truth if he thinks you're not going to lose your temper. Act like you understand the reason for what he did.
- For example, suppose you discovered your child in the company of other kids who were smoking. You might say, "You deny that you smoked, but know that I would understand if things were otherwise. Sometimes, friends push us to behave that we normally would not."
- If you give the impression that someone has done what you suspect, the person in front of you is much more likely to tell you the truth.
Step 3. Let it be understood that what happened is not worrying
People are often afraid to be honest because they fear the consequences. However, if you minimize the seriousness of the situation, they are more likely to confess.
- You might say, "It's not a tragedy. I just want to know the truth." By ensuring that the mistake made was not that serious, you will encourage the other person to tell what happened.
- However, only do this if the error isn't a big deal. For example, if it involves legal consequences or a prison sentence, that may not be the best strategy.
Step 4. Tell him he's not the only culprit
Let him know that he is the only person who is accused. If he believes that the responsibility and consequences of an action also fall on other people, he will be more willing to confess the truth. It could close in a hedgehog if it thinks it will be the only one to suffer all the repercussions.
You might say, "I know you're not the only person involved. There are many others who have to take responsibility for what happened."
Step 5. Ensure protection
Tell him that you will do everything you can to protect him. Let him know that you are on his side and that you will be committed to helping him. He may open up if his fears ease.
Part 2 of 3: Discuss the Situation
Step 1. Distinguish between a suspect and an evidence-based allegation
How you approach a situation depends on how much evidence you have in hand to support a mistake. Circumstances based on strong suspicion must be handled differently from those based on overwhelming evidence.
- If it's a suspect, it's best to introduce it without being aggressive and try to find out the truth in a confrontation.
- If, on the other hand, it is an evidence-based accusation, you must say what you think and present the evidence you have gathered. In these cases, the accused person will have little chance of exempting himself from his responsibilities.
Step 2. Tell your side of the story
Report what happened as you learned it by presenting the story from your point of view. The other person can intervene and correct the incorrect information. This way, you will get a partial confession.
You can also purposely alter part of the facts to get the person involved to correct them. For example, you might say "So you went to the bar last night", even if you think it was somewhere else. By doing so, you will stimulate him to correct you and you may arrive at the truth
Step 3. Shuffle the cards on the table
Ask the same question multiple times in different ways. Be aware that the liar may respond to you by rephrasing the same sentences. Such an attitude could indicate that he has memorized his speech. He is also likely to give inconsistent answers to each other and, in this case, there is a high risk that he is lying.
Also try asking him to tell his version of events from the end to the beginning, or invite him from a central episode. Going backwards in the story, he could betray himself by falling into contradiction and, consequently, prove to be a liar
Step 4. Choose your words carefully
Careful use of vocabulary can play a key role in situations where you need to understand if someone is telling the truth. If you use language that insinuates a sense of guilt, the person involved could refrain from telling about the actual unfolding of events. So, by choosing less stringent terms, you can encourage him to be honest.
For example, use the word "caught" instead of "stolen" or "spent time with someone" instead of "betrayed". If you use more benevolent language, your interlocutor will tend to admit their responsibilities
Step 5. Bluff if necessary
It is a dangerous tactic, but it is often effective. In other words, you must threaten or assert something that you assume is true, even if you have no intention of following up on your threats or have no evidence of it. The bluff could lead the person to tell the truth, because they will feel discovered or afraid of facing the alleged consequences.
- For example, you might say, "There are witnesses who saw you at the crime scene." It may be enough to scare her and get her to tell the truth. If she doesn't stop lying, you could also threaten her to go to the police or some other authority.
- Keep in mind that you should only bluff or use verbal threats if you are sure you are dealing with someone involved or guilty. Also, if you can, absolutely avoid intimidating her, otherwise there is a risk that she will get on the defensive, reducing the chances of getting to the truth.
Step 6. Avoid physical coercion
When someone lies looking into your eyes, you may find it hard to control your reaction. If you have to walk away for a moment, don't hesitate. Never attack a person or use any physical means to force him to tell the truth.
Part 3 of 3: Paying Attention to the Clues of a Lie
Step 1. See if it answers your question
Evasiveness often indicates lying behavior. If the person involved tries to change the subject or simply refuses to answer, take this into account. People talk when they have nothing to hide.
Step 2. Listen to the voice
Often the rhythm and tone of the voice changes when a person is lying. Your interlocutor may raise it, speak faster, or make flickering sounds while exposing the facts. Any kind of change could indicate that he is lying.
Familiarize yourself with his voice to see if he is telling the truth. Start by asking questions you already know the answer to and see how they respond. Once you get used to her voice, move on to questions you don't know the answer to. If you notice any changes, he is probably lying. However, this technique isn't effective if you're dealing with a sociopath or pathological liar
Step 3. Watch your body language
A person can drastically change their attitude if they are lying. The fact that she is not sincere makes her nervous and, often, the body acts accordingly. Even the slightest change in behavior can indicate a lie.
