Whether it's smoking or nails, you have some influence on your husband's vices. Helping him little by little, cheering on him, will be a long road, during which your support will prove important in defeating his bad habits. While it's impossible to expect a total change overnight, you can still make the first move. Read how!
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Getting started
Step 1. Manage habitual behaviors
How many times have you been playing with your hair or getting upset without even knowing why? It is possible that your husband's bad habit is simply due to irrational factors. Show your annoyance. But, after all, does he know he has it?
- Of course, some bad habits are more delicate than others. But you are "married", wow! - if you feel uncomfortable starting a conversation with him, who should you feel comfortable with talking about? As long as you approach the subject calmly and kindly, he won't be offended. A simple, "Honey, you know what? I'm sorry that, by dint of nibbling, you're ruining your nails," can open up your conversation.
- Show the side effects of his habit and why you are asking him to stop. Tell him how it affects your life and what consequences it will bring in the future. Thinking can lead him to be convinced.
Step 2. Identify levers and patterns
Bad habits don't come for no reason. They are usually the result of boredom or stress. Does your husband smoke like a chimney after work? Crack your fingers in front of the TV? Find out the reason behind his bad habit, as it's the only way you can really help him quit.
If he claims not to be aware of it, you will need to be very careful. Observe him several times throughout the day, while he is intent on various activities and when he presents different moods. What could be the cause of his vice?
Step 3. Use indulgence and empathy
We all have bad habits. Show him that you understand how difficult it is to quit and that you don't expect a sudden miracle overnight. Especially when it comes to eating less or exercising - it's tough!
Don't make him feel like a child. The last thing your husband wants is to feel unsure of his abilities. Blaming him will get you nowhere. Indeed, in this way you can irritate him and make him more stubborn in his vice! Make sure that dialogue and mutual listening reign between you
Part 2 of 4: Convince him
Step 1. Show him it's bad for him
It's not called a bad habit for nothing. He probably knows it's bad for himself, however this may need to be emphasized. Whether the reasons are health, well-being or simply aesthetic, make them clear. We are all human beings and you know that sometimes we need to be kindly led to accept doing something.
Beware of being too critical of him. Good intentions will not get you far if you move with these words: "But the smoke WILL KILL YOU". Instead, show that you are logical and balanced: "You know smoking and the negative effects it has on your body and on the people around you." It is much more difficult for him to get irritated
Step 2. Show him it's bad for you
Even knowing that it hurts itself, it may not be aware of the effect it has on you. Tell him how his addiction is affecting your health, your energy, or just your well-being or mood. He probably doesn't know how much he annoys you or how badly it affects your life, especially if you've been so nice to him about this issue so far!
Be honest. It's easy to say, "You ruined my life with that habit of ruining your nails!", Even if you don't actually mean that. "When you bite your nails so much, I get anxious. It's a really unpleasant feeling. And then you yourself say it hurts!" are words that invite the other to give an answer
Step 3. Show him how life would be better if he stopped
It would improve your mood, that's for sure! And since you might consider giving him a reward, he would have one more reason to quit his habit. Both the negative and the positive aspects could influence it; but if you can, examine them both.
Part 3 of 4: Begin the change
Step 1. Fill the vice with something else
Old habits die hard; must be replaced. So if you're on top of it because you're eating less, start swapping out dessert with fruit. If you are on him to stop cracking his fingers, provide him with other items that he can keep his hands busy with. He will feel less "confiscated" and dejected.
Usually we tend to stay in the same area. Instead of cracking his fingers, he can clench his fists. Instead of shaking the leg, it can stiffen it. Instead of a bag of chips, carrots. This way the difference will be less drastic
Step 2. Ask him what you can do to help him - or partner with him
He needs to know that you are on his side and that you are also willing to make sacrifices. If you can cooperate, that's better! Will be more motivated - have you ever trained without a partner? Wrong! Teamwork keeps not only positive spirit high, but encouragement as well.
Ask them if there is anything you could do together to correct the vice. Maybe he needs to eat healthier, while you should quit the chocolate. With every step he takes, you will have to hold up against him
Step 3. Help him do one thing at a time
It is impossible to expect your husband to quit smoking today, go out for a 10km run, abandon his old lifestyle and automatically buy a new one. That's not how it works. Tell him you'd be happy if he smokes one less cigarette, that the after-dinner snack could be an apple instead of a cookie, that he can crack his fingers before bed if he really wants to. Give him peace of mind.
When the mountain seems too high to climb, we give up. Start with one step at a time like with children. The boot will start from here. When he'll be fine with even fewer cigarettes or calories, push him to go further. A step at a time
Step 4. Make a great gesture
It's easy to say: "Yes, yes, I'll stop drinking the orange juice from tomorrow" … and then run to get one from the fridge. Start with a striking gesture - throw the entire package away. With him, of course! And be optimistic - this is the start of change!
It must represent the beginning of a new path in all respects. Without it, it's easy to forget, really! Do you remember when you went to sleep, deciding that your diet would start tomorrow… and the next day you had a potato chip in your teeth? Don't let that happen again
Part 4 of 4: Keep it on track
Step 1. Hold him accountable
Ask him about his progress. Observe him while he is at home with you. Tell him that you watch his successes (and not his failures) carefully. With a positive push you will see him become a better person. Otherwise, what is a wife?
If that's not enough, see if you can casually involve friends or colleagues. He will feel a stronger sense of not giving in to temptation once they too are made aware of the vice he is trying to correct. Or you could insist later
Step 2. Don't allow your attitudes to distract him from the goal
If you're on him because he's not lazy or because he's eating healthier, don't sit on the couch with a bucket of fried chicken, pawing for the remote. You have to set a good example.
It is best to be consistent at all times. You can wish for some trifle or to go out to dinner, you can wish for this or that, but if it interferes, you can make a sacrifice! You can't have your cake and eat it
Step 3. Don't break the chain
Hang a calendar on the wall that you can both see. For every success of your husband, mark a big red X. After a week or so, a chain will form that you probably won't want to break. Having concrete proof of his efforts will be more motivating than just experiencing them.
Try going for 60 days. What are those miserable 3-week attempts? Such a pity! It will likely take nearly two months for the change to really digest. However, it depends on the vice. If you want him to drink more water, that won't be a problem. If you want me to become a mountaineer, well, that's a whole other story
Step 4. Talk about the reward
Better that all this hard work pays off! Sit down together and discuss which reward he would like best. As long as you don't establish it, "smoke / crack your fingers / take pies in the face for an hour" (or whatever the addiction is), that's fine. He deserved it!
60 days is too long. Feel free to introduce small rewards at certain points along the way. Maybe every two weeks? Make a note of this on the calendar too
Advice
Patience is a virtue. Ask yourself if you are willing to compromise or to let it all go. Remember that your husband is a human being
Warnings
- Never force it. You risk disrupting your relationship.
- Do not insult him for his vices in the presence of others.
