The military has always stressed couples, and this trend still seems to be on the rise. However, with the proper tools and preparations, a relationship between a military and a civilian can be strengthened by these trials and grow stronger than before thanks to perseverance. You need to know how you will be able to communicate with the family when you are on duty; how much will it cost weekly; when you will be able to take leave to visit your wife at home.
Steps
Step 1. Take advantage of the little time you have together before departure
Often your loved one will have advance notice before leaving. Use this time wisely. Avoid the temptation to argue or criticize him. Try to understand what is going through. In some cases, a military career is an obligatory choice. Don't dwell on the possibility that you might get lost. Instead, enjoy your time with him and strengthen your relationship. Strive to increase contact with greater emotional depth, and try to look to the future with optimism.
Step 2. Prepare for changes
When a person joins the army, he is often forced to leave home, sometimes for many years. Be ready. Make plans. It may be worthwhile to come up with a plan and look for work near where it will be sent. Don't do it immediately, though. Let it first reach its new base and stabilize, otherwise the move could create further agitation for your boyfriend as he tries to integrate into his new "home". Talk to him and wait for his approval.
Step 3. Prepare for changes in your partner
Virtually every army in the world provides some kind of basic combat training. It is designed to take civilians and teach them to survive in war, reinforcing discipline and preparing them to become real soldiers. This initial training is generally designed to be difficult and can change the lives of many recruits. Be prepared for these changes. Don't blame him; these changes often represent adaptations necessary to survive the harshness of training.
Step 4. Prepare for the changes within yourself
When your partner leaves, you will need to find a sense of independence to move forward. In the same way that he will have to adapt to a new context, you will have to too. It is good to have a social support system, and it is very helpful to plan ahead. Try to identify mutual friends and family members who know both of them well. If you live for each other, you may feel very lonely with no one to talk to. As tempting as you may be to leave your partner, try to avoid it. Leaving him while he is away will make him feel abandoned and betrayed.
Step 5. Communicate as much as possible
Many early training programs limit communications to simulate war situations. Nonetheless, it is important to use every means available to keep communicating. Share your feelings openly and try not to hide anything. It can be a very tiring period, and the impression that something is being hidden can aggravate the stress, causing unnecessary quarrels and pain. If your partner is in a war zone, be prepared for sporadic communication. If letters or phone calls are rare, it doesn't necessarily mean your partner doesn't think about you. This could simply be due to the lack of logistical facilities necessary for communication.
Step 6. Enjoy every minute you spend together
Occasionally, your loved one may have a few days off to go home. Enjoy the time you have with him and use it to strengthen the couple. Be aware, however, that he will likely want to see family and friends as well. Don't worry, as chances are he hasn't seen the family for the same time he hasn't seen you. However, make time for the two of you. Celebrate the strength you both have found in this difficult time.
Step 7. Keep planning for the future
Always look forward. A common goal can help you and your partner feel more united as a couple, and give you something to strive for that inspires and guides you every day. Make sure these goals are realistic, and talk to him about it.
Advice
- Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by doubt. Try to remain as optimistic as possible. And trust me. Trust is the basis. If he is "the right person", you have nothing to fear.
- Communication is essential. As long as you can maintain open and honest lines of communication, it will be very difficult to separate.
- Don't worry too much about the risks it might take. You will only get stress and worry that are potentially harmful to the relationship. Try to understand the situation. A report released a few years ago revealed that the streets of Washington DC are more dangerous than those of Baghdad for a soldier.
- It can happen that things change and couples drift apart. It's totally normal, and while it may seem upsetting, it's part of life.
Warnings
- Do not take your partner's departure as an opportunity to pursue a new love interest, as in the long run it will only hurt him.
- If you feel that your partner is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or other damage due to military experience, do not hesitate to advise him to ask for help. Medical research has made great strides in the fields of mental health and brain trauma over the past decade.
- Try not to throw yourself into an early marriage. Things like this are common among the military and over time cause a lot of stress on both sides. If your partner asks you to marry him, console him and suggest waiting a little longer to develop a more stable relationship.
- If the relationship becomes harassing, it is essential to get out of it as soon as possible. You don't need to put your health and your life on the line to 'try to make things better'. Often, the departure of a loved one due to abuse can serve as an alarm, leading the other person to seek professional help.
