It's not easy to tell false friends from real ones. If you suspect someone is around you for a specific reason, you may have a fake friend. True friends support you, love you and accept you for who you are, forgive you and watch your back. Fake ones can give you the impression that they like you only if you act a certain way or make you feel like you can't be yourself with them. They also have a tendency to cause conflict and it is unwise to continue to hang out with them. To end the relationship, be prepared to end the friendship with a conversation. Afterward, try to create a group of true friends that you can rely on in the future.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Preparing for the End of the Relationship
Step 1. Consider your friendships
Some of your friends may be fake, while others are likely shy or have a hard time bonding with people. True friends have the following characteristics:
- They don't always say the right thing, but they are willing to listen to you when you are in trouble.
- They make you feel comfortable when you are with them.
- They support you.
- They always stay in touch with you and not just when they want something.
- They remain by your side even in difficult times and not only in happy ones.
- They care about your well-being and safety.
Step 2. Determine if a friend is really fake
Try to understand this by considering what he earns by pretending to be your friend. False friends can:
- Talking about you behind your back.
- Take advantage of yourself to scale a particular social environment.
- Take advantage of yourself to get close to someone you know.
- Copying your work or exploiting your intelligence.
- Try to get information from you.
- Only talk to you when they need something.
- Embarrass yourself or make yourself feel humiliated in public.
Step 3. Don't oppose the end of the friendship
If you feel that a friend has changed or that you have become more distant, your relationship is probably waning. Even close friends can drift apart. Do not oppose this process and look back with pleasure on the good times you had together. If you feel that you are distancing yourself from a friend, it may not help to formalize the separation. You can decide to let the friendship naturally wane.
This is a great alternative if you can't find a clear and strong reason why you don't get along. In particular, it can be the right choice if you've simply developed different interests and formed a new group of friends
Step 4. Make sure that your fake friend can no longer benefit from you
If you have a tendency to want to please people, this advice may go against your nature, but it's possible that the fake friend is taking advantage of you. Also, he may walk away from you when he realizes that he will no longer get what he wants.
- If you think he is trying to copy your work, stop him by moving around or not letting him see what you do.
- If you feel that he is using you to get to another person, only contact that person when the false friend is not around.
- If he only calls you when he needs something, respond negatively to his requests. You might even tell him that you won't be able to satisfy him in the future either. For example: "Laura, I know I've been driving you to work for the whole last month, but I can't do it anymore."
Step 5. Minimize contact
When preparing to end the friendship, distance yourself from your fake friend as much as possible. She politely refuses her invitations, saying, "I'm sorry, I can't." The purpose of this attitude is to free yourself from the stress of the fake relationship as you reflect on how to end it.
Try to avoid ignoring your friend entirely and do not give him the "silent treatment". These behaviors are considered immature and would likely provoke an angry reaction from your false friend, as well as create friction with all mutual friends
Step 6. Seek advice from people you trust
Talk to your family members, close friends, and your support network, asking what they think of the situation. They may offer you an alternative perspective or advice on what is happening. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a friend or if you don't have a good relationship with your family, ask a psychologist for advice.
School psychologists have a lot of experience in managing relationships and friendships in the school setting, so they can be very useful to you
Step 7. Make sure you want to end the relationship
Dealing with the end of a friendship is challenging. It will be difficult to retrace your steps if you regret your decision in the future. If you are currently arguing with a friend, or just trying to get him to change his attitude, try to consider other options. If you really want to end the friendship, you should be able to think of various reasons why that relationship makes you unhappy and why you would feel better without that person around. Consider writing a list of pros and cons and evaluate the outcome.
Part 2 of 3: Close the Report
Step 1. Close the friendship in person
If you have decided to end the relationship, make sure you do it right, with the attention it deserves. The idea probably scares you, but try to overcome your emotions and deal with the situation with maturity. Remember that you were friends in the past and that you will probably have to deal with that person in the future, so try to be very respectful during this stage.
- Avoid ending a friendship over the phone. You should only do this if you will not see the false friend for a long time or if you are worried that he may have a violent reaction.
- Don't end the friendship via message or email. You would give a negative image of yourself and how you treat your friends. Furthermore, you risk increasing misunderstandings in communication.
Step 2. Ask for a meeting
Set a time and a place to see your friend to talk about the end of your relationship. Even if you intend to break the news over the phone, fix the conversation so that both of you have time to just focus on the discussion. Try not to wait too long, because your friend has probably noticed that something is wrong and the wait will only create anxiety for both of you.
Make a simple, straightforward request, like, "Hey, I think we need to talk. When are you free?"
Step 3. Choose a time and place where you will meet
There are many things to consider when planning your conversation with your friend. Your goal is for everything to go smoothly. Try following these tips.
- Set the meeting in a private location. Strong emotions can emerge and it is best that this does not happen in front of an audience.
- Make sure both of you are calm and don't talk to your friend right before an important event, like an interrogation or an inspection at work.
- Consider time constraints and avoid setting up a meeting, for example at dinner, where you may end up staying together longer than necessary.
Step 4. Decide in advance what you will say
It's a good idea to prepare a speech when you want to end a relationship, especially in a complex situation like yours. By organizing your thoughts in advance you will be able to be clear, decisive and complete.
- Make sure you communicate with your friend clearly. After the meeting, he shouldn't have any doubts about what you tried to tell him.
- Make your wishes come true and chart a precise future for your relationship.
- Make sure you communicate everything you want to say and feel during the conversation. Preparing a speech helps you avoid forgetting something important.
- When deciding what you will say, find a good balance between honesty and kindness. Try to avoid blaming the other person and don't be too mean to your friend.
Step 5. Talk
This is the part that causes you the most anxiety, but you have to deal with it. You've prepared well, so it's time to deliver the speech you've been thinking about. Explain how you feel and why you think you can no longer be friends. Be honest and direct, but try to be kind as well.
- Start the conversation by admitting your difficulties: "It will be very difficult for me to tell you these things and it will probably be very difficult for you to listen to them."
- Get to the point as soon as possible: "Our friendship has made me very unhappy and I don't think it's a good idea to keep dating."
Step 6. Make sure you have a good reason
During the conversation, you will come to a point where you need to explain why you want to end the relationship. Tell why you are unhappy, blaming your friend as little as possible. Whatever your motivation, try to start with the expression "I feel that…". Here are some examples.
- If your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend: "I feel I can't trust you and it hurt me that someone who considers themselves my friend could have done this to me."
- If you are constantly made fun of or belittled: "I feel that spending time with you is not healthy for me and my self-esteem, because of the mean things you say about me."
Step 7. Finish what you have to say
You have explained why you think it is a good idea to have your paths split. Now, you can finish your part of the speech. Make sure you are kind and also talk about some positive aspects of your relationship. Try these tips:
- Explain that you appreciate the good times you had together. "I really enjoyed spending time with you. I will always cherish those memories. Like that time …"
- If you can, share the responsibility. "I don't know, maybe we're not compatible as friends. Or even I haven't been good enough as a friend."
Step 8. Give him the opportunity to speak
After sharing your side of the story, give him a chance to respond. Be prepared for her emotional reaction. They may apologize and plead with you, they may get angry and defensive, or they may become very sad. It is possible that it exhibits all three behaviors. Try to listen to him. Clarify any misunderstandings and see if what he has to say can change your mind.
At this point, avoid fighting. If he reacts with anger, he will likely tell you things that will hurt or blame you. Do not accept the confrontation and simply reply: "I'm sorry that you feel this way"
Step 9. End the conversation
The best way to do this depends on your friend's reaction. Again, be prepared for a series of responses regardless of the turn of the conversation, so you'll always have an exit strategy.
- If he reacts with anger and starts to raise his voice, don't conflict and just say, "I'd like to talk to you calmly, but if you keep screaming, I'm leaving."
- If he reacts sadly, let him talk for a while, then when he gets calm, try saying, "Thank you for talking to me. I'm sorry it went like this."
- If she apologizes, consider how you feel and consider trying to recover the relationship. If you need time to think about what he said, mention: "I need time to think about what you said. Can we hear from you tomorrow?"
Step 10. Secure posts
Decide in advance what kind of contact you want to have with your friend from now on. Make sure you are certain of your decision and communicate it at the end of the conversation. Make it clear what you want and ask your friend to respect it. Setting rules for your relationship right now will help you stick to them later.
- If you have mutual friends, suggest that you can only date in a group.
- If you'd rather no longer have contact with your friend, you don't need to be afraid to say so. Let him know that you would rather not hear from him again in the future.
- If the relationship was bad for you, make sure for your own sake to shut it down completely, no more contact.
Part 3 of 3: Coping with the Consequences
Step 1. Follow the rules you have set
You may notice a small flashback after the relationship with a friend ends. He may try to get back to you or contact you again. In this case, remind him of the stakes you have set and ask him to respect them. He may feel a lot of anger and take it out on you in person, on the internet, or in a group of mutual friends. Your ex-friend is just trying to provoke your reaction or vent your anger. Do not respond in any way to attitudes of this type. It may take time, but he will eventually accept it.
Step 2. Ignore rude, immature and passive aggressive behaviors
While this is easier said than done, remember that it was for those reasons that you ended the relationship, because you didn't want to deal with that negativity anymore. These attitudes are part of why you considered him a fake friend. Find comfort in the fact that your decision to end the friendship was the right one. Pay attention to the following behaviors:
- Continuous phone calls, emails or messages on social networks.
- Evil spoken about you or trying to put you in a bad light with mutual friends.
- Teasing or gossip about you.
- Make you feel responsible for their choices or behaviors.
Step 3. Deal with the thrill of losing a friend
Even if it was you who ended the relationship, you need to understand that the friendship is over anyway. You may experience a mix of emotions, such as relief, freedom, guilt, sadness, anger, or helplessness. Allow yourself to deal with grief over the end of the friendship and process the feelings you have.
A good way to deal with emotions is to write them down. Spend some time writing down everything you think and feel about the end of the relationship and why you think about it. Keeping a journal of your emotions will help you understand how you feel, process your emotions and vent them constructively
Step 4. Resolve the problems that the breakup caused in other friendships
Especially if you go to school, you probably have mutual friends with the person you've ended up with. It is possible that the relationship with those people will become more difficult. They may think they need to choose one of you, or they may not know how to deal with you about your former friend. Explain what happened so that they can be informed. If you can, avoid gossip and don't go into detail.
Try: "I know that you and Laura are friends and since we are friends too, I just wanted to let you know what happened. Laura and I are no longer friends. We talked a lot and I think we both said what we thought. just because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about it or get caught up in the problem."
Warnings
- Avoid the bad habit of disappearing to end a friendship. Some people ignore or stop communicating with a person until they realize they are no longer wanted. Consider how that behavior would make you feel if you were the one to endure it, and end the relationship in a mature way.
- If your friend becomes aggressive, immediately contact someone who has the authority to defend you. Don't put your health at risk just to end a relationship with a friend. Tell your parents, a teacher or your boss at work what happened, who can help you resolve the issue safely.
