If you are on this page, then it means that you have doubts about your relationship. A certain amount of questioning and internalization is perfectly healthy for any relationship, but how do you know if that annoying lump in your throat is really telling you it's time to end it? Ending a relationship is never easy, even when you know it's the right thing to do. First of all, you must be sure that it is the right choice by evaluating if you recognize yourself among the conditions listed in this article. Keep reading.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Be Aware of Your Feelings
Step 1. Consider aspects of your partner that you still cannot accept
Do you want me to change for you? In this case it would be right for your partner to demand the same. Or, you could try to fully accept what you would like to change. Say it out loud: "I accept that my boyfriend is messy." Then ask yourself if the benefits of the relationship outweigh this problem. If so, try accepting it for what it is rather than trying to want to change it.
- If it's something so heavy or irritating that you can't get over and you know the person won't change, then it may be time to end the relationship.
- Maybe you have different religious origins. If both of you refuse to convert and religion is very important to you, then it can certainly be a cause for disruption.
Step 2. Think about your problems
You may find that you want to break up because you cannot deal with certain issues that concern you, such as insecurity, fear of abandonment, etc. However, if you don't resolve the doubts that plague you, they will recur in every single relationship. For example, if you've been cheated on and plan to break up with this person before you grow back and run the risk of getting hurt again, that's not a good reason to end a relationship. You have to face your fears instead of running away.
If you think your problems are getting you into trouble, then talk to your partner and try to find a solution together
Step 3. Find out if you are maintaining this relationship just because you don't want to hurt his feelings
If you are the type of person who is used to meeting everyone's needs, you probably don't want to continue this relationship deep inside, but you are scared of telling him it's over. However, you also need to understand that continuing like this is not good for him either and could hurt him anyway.
- If you know that the relationship really has no future for you, then breaking up as soon as possible will be the best thing you can do for your partner as well, as they will have a chance to recover and find a more suitable relationship later.
- While the ideal situation is to end a relationship in a quiet time, don't put it off because of a birthday, wedding, Valentine's Day, Christmas with your family, or a million other reasons that would make the breakup inconvenient. It could go on forever and you would never find the right time to do it (although, of course, some are better than others).
Step 4. Find out if you are not breaking up because you are afraid of being alone
Are you terrified of staying single? Sometimes people are reluctant to end a relationship because they don't want to be alone. Being with someone as a placeholder is not only unpleasant for them, but also for yourself, because you will have fewer opportunities to grow as an individual and find the right person for you.
Step 5. Prepare to accept the possibility that perhaps you are no longer in love with the other person, or perhaps not
Nobody knows exactly why we like or love certain people. Sometimes we just can't make a connection. Other times one person may develop strong feelings while the other does not. It happens, and it hurts. But it's nobody's fault. Affection and love cannot be forced. Maybe at one point you were madly in love, but how long did it last? The sooner you can admit how you really feel, the sooner you will find a solution.
Step 6. Meditate
Spend some time sitting alone with your eyes closed, focusing on your breathing. It may not immediately lead you to an answer on what you should do about the relationship, but you will feel more focused and more in touch with your thoughts. You may be so panicked that you don't have a quiet moment to hear what your body and mind are saying to you.
Step 7. Are you embarrassed to be seen around with your partner?
This is an important issue. If you go out for an aperitif with friends or colleagues, are you happy to take it with you because you are proud of it or do you find excuses to leave it at home because you can't stand having it with you in social situations?
Sure, some people are more shy than others, and some situations are more fun if your partner isn't around, but, generally, you should be proud of the person you're with and be happy to show it to others. If you don't like being seen with that person, then how can you be happy in your relationship?
Part 2 of 3: Thinking about your Partner
Step 1. Find out if your relationship is manipulative
This type of relationship is not healthy. For the relationship to survive, the manipulative partner would have to drastically change their behavior. If it doesn't change, it would be wiser to put an end to it.
If you are being manipulated or controlled, then this is one of those rare cases where it is best to avoid breaking up the relationship face to face; if you fear a violent reaction, then do it from a distance and let a friend help you recover
Step 2. Be careful if your partner doesn't respect you
If those around you really care about you, they will certainly never criticize or humiliate you, for any reason. If you are given constructive feedback to help you grow as a person, that's one thing, but being intentionally evil towards yourself is another. For example, if you stumble and break something and he may say to you: "You are an idiot! Why don't you look at what you are doing at least once in your life?", It is a clear signal; leave that person and find someone else who cares more about you.
Your partner's lack of respect can be more subtle. Maybe he jokes about your body, makes jokes about your career, or tells you that you are incapable. This too is disrespect
Step 3. See if she always scolds you
Fighting is okay every now and then, and it can even be healthy for a relationship if it allows you to constructively discuss your frustrations. However, if your partner is always yelling at you, constantly disagreeing, insulting you, and being cruel to you for no reason, then it's time to get out of it.
Step 4. Check if your partner is ashamed of your relationship
This is a very indicative warning sign. If she's embarrassed to carry you around or even say you're dating, then that's a big deal. There is no good reason why that person wants to hide your love, except if they are too young to be in a relationship or have a good reason to hide it from overbearing parents. But if he wants to keep a secret from your friends or acquaintances, refuses to hold your hand or to be seen with you in public, then it might be time to end the relationship. Surely you want to be with someone who is not ashamed of you, but who is even proud of it: this is what you deserve.
Step 5. Are you always looking for intimacy?
If you always have to be the one to ask for a little pampering, then you could be in trouble, especially if you find yourself begging for a goodbye kiss or a goodbye. You don't have to be afraid to talk about it. Maybe your partner has intimacy issues or doesn't want to touch you because you cheated on him. Whatever the problem, you need to work on it or end the relationship, because such a relationship is not acceptable.
Step 6. Does it force you to do something unwillingly?
If he makes you drink when you don't want to, if he forces you to have sex when you're not ready, or if you behave excessively (speeding up, harassing strangers, …) or generally engaging in behavior that scares you, then it's time to end. to the report. This person does not take your needs and wants into consideration in the slightest and you can find someone who really cares about you.
You may not immediately realize that you were doing something forcibly, perhaps because you were just trying to put some balance in the relationship
Part 3 of 3: Thinking About the Relationship
Step 1. Consider if someone has warned you against dating that person
While you shouldn't end your relationship just because your best friend vaguely thinks you could do better, you should reconsider your relationship if all of your friends, family, or even just acquaintances advise you to get out of it as soon as possible. If they have any real reasons, then it's an indication that it's time to break up.
Of course, others may not understand how your relationship works and you cannot rate its quality on other people's judgments. But if everyone tells you to cut, at least consider that they have a good reason to recommend it
Step 2.
See if the relationship evolves too fast.
It should grow calmly and you should take your time to get to know each other. If you've only known your partner for two months and are already talking about living together or getting married, someone might just be obsessed with the idea of commitment. If you are feeling pressured by the relationship without even having time to get to know the person you are with, then you need to slow down or stop.
Be careful if you don't talk about the future. It is acceptable if you are 15: it would make no sense to talk about marriage, cohabitation, career, children, … but if you are in your thirties or have been dating for years, then you should be able to talk about the future together. If your relationship is well established, but neither of you has plans to go beyond the month, then it could be because you don't see yourself as a long-term couple. If this is your case, then you need to consider whether to continue the relationship.
See if your relationship is affected by a serious problem. While there are less serious signs that may indicate the need to end a relationship, there are some that indicate that it is necessary to radically change the situation. If you recognize yourself in these signs, then it may be time to end the relationship:
- You have been the victim of physical and / or psychological abuse, financial exploitation or degradation by your partner, to the point of endangering your health or safety.
- Your partner pushes you to do things you don't want, such as criminal activity. Ultimatums and threats are signs of a potentially dangerous relationship. Don't fall into the trap of "if you really loved me, you would".
- Quarrels have taken over communication, sex, emotional support and everything that underlies being a couple.
- Jealousy haunts your partner, who has set restrictions on who you can see and when. The other person cannot control your social life, which belongs only to you.
- Your partner is an alcoholic or drug addict and its consumption has altered your life as a couple.
- You are an alcoholic or a drug addict and you can't get out of it. You do no good by continuing to live this relationship.
- Your relationship was based on superficial foundations that no longer exist, such as going to all parties, sharing hobbies, having sex without love.
Check to see if your relationship is constantly going through ups and downs. A true loving partner should always be a loving partner, regardless of the situation. If your relationship breaks up and starts up again every time, then it's time to part ways permanently, because something is wrong. There is no need to retrace one's steps and resume the relationship: it is better to avoid that continuous malaise. There are other possible partners waiting for you.
Check if you have conflicting life goals. If you see yourself as a marine biologist who will travel the world and your partner, on the other hand, wants to be a teacher and live in Molise, close to his family for life, then you have a problem. If you don't want to have children, while she wants to have them right away and lots of them, then you have a problem. If your dreams and future life goals are not really aligned, you better end your relationship.
If you are still a teenager, it is normal for your life goals to be constantly changing and you will have time to think about it. But if you need to start planning your future now and there are no possible meeting points, then it may be time to rethink your relationship
Be careful if one of you has been repeatedly unfaithful. Betrayal is never a good sign, because it means you are unhappy in your relationship. While it is possible to learn to forgive each other, if it continues to happen, then it will be difficult to recover your relationship. It could be a sign to both of you that your relationship isn't good enough.
Determine if you are simply estranged. It is a painful situation. Maybe you really loved each other in high school or college, but now you find yourself being completely different people with different friends, dreams and interests. If you realize that the only thing you have in common is your history together and that this is not enough, it may be time to move on. This is one of the hardest reasons to end a relationship, because it's nobody's fault and you both still have a lot of affection for each other, but it doesn't mean you still have to be together if it has no value for the people you are. you are currently.
Find out if you have any secrets between you. Any form of secrecy or deception, even if unrelated to betrayal, is a red flag that signals a lack of trust in the relationship. You shouldn't hide anything more from your partner than a surprise party. It is different from not sharing your trouble at work because you know you would bore her; it is serious if you hide from her that you are looking for a job in another region, because you would not know what to do if you got it.
Check if you are willing to make an effort. If you used to have romantic picnics, plan elaborate meeting times, and take care of each other when you were sick, but now you barely force yourself to pick up the phone to text back, then either try harder or ask yourself. end to your relationship. If you or your partner don't want to commit anymore, then you need to understand that it's not worth moving on.
See if you have started taking a lot of time apart. Perhaps you and your partner have already effectively separated without telling you and without officially acknowledging it. If you spend most of your weekend with separate friends, visiting your respective families alone or just staying home and pursuing their own hobbies instead of going out together (the typical case is watching two different TVs in two separate rooms …), then your relationship has already ended. If that's the case, it might be time to make it official.
Go to Action
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Avoid breaking up in the heat of the moment. If there's no need to salvage the relationship, you'll be able to see it very well in a quiet moment. Also, ending a relationship in a moment of anger can be very difficult. Make sure you are in a moment of rationality and have thought about it for a long time before declaring your intention.
Know When to Break Up Step 25 -
Try spending some time apart if you need to reflect. Agree not to see each other for a week or two and be sure to make it clear that you are still together and that your relationship will remain exclusive during this period of separation. Don't spend time together, don't talk on the phone, don't text each other. This trial separation could help you evaluate the relationship. It's hard at first, but, if you're happy without this person in your life, then breaking up with them might be a good idea.
Know When to Break Up Step 26 If you are fine for the first few days, but then miss her and feel your life isn't complete without her, you should probably try to recover your relationship
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Consider whether your relationship is worth saving despite everything. You took the time to think about whether or not to end this relationship: it could also mean that the relationship has a good foundation. Maybe you should struggle to stay with this person, even if it meant drastic changes:
Know When to Break Up Step 27 - There is a shared core of similar values and beliefs that you share, especially spiritual and moral.
- You still trust each other; you know you have his support and you are confident that he will fight by your side for the sake of your family.
- There have been some unexpected problems that have not allowed you to find your own balance. Health problems, trauma, financial issues, addiction regressions and depression can all happen in a flash and seem to really make life worse. Take your time, let the situation lose its gravity and try to remain friends until it's over.
- You have been caught in a vortex in which negative behaviors trigger even heavier and more difficult ones. Break this vicious circle by regaining control over your negative reactions, decide on a truce and give your partner the opportunity to manage this suboptimal situation.
- You have a tendency to run away from commitment as soon as problems appear. Take some time to calm down and try to be friends with him again. Remember what you like about her, take care of her. It will do you good to learn to take responsibility.
- You have drifted apart and now you feel like you are living with a stranger. To resolve this situation, you should talk, listen to each other and spend time together. Maybe you will find that you are still in love.
Advice
- Confide in your closest friends or family. Feel what they think about your relationship; however, remember that the decision is yours alone.
- List the pros and cons of this relationship. If the negative elements are the majority, then the relationship should be ended.
- If you are about to break up or your partner is doing it, resign yourself. Don't be seen crying. You may appear weak in front of others. If he leaves you because you don't match his expectations and you still run after him to prove that you are perfect, stop. Thank this person for letting you know that you need to focus on yourself, not on him. Take the criticism positively and go further - they will soon become sweet old memories.
- Write down the pros and cons of your relationship. If the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, end the relationship.
- How to Close a Relationship
- How to fall out of love
- How to Recognize a Manipulative and Authoritarian Relationship
- How to stop being too accommodating with others
- How to Enjoy Single Life
- How to be an optimist
- How to understand the difference between love, infatuation and desire
