Breaking up with a loved one is never easy, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything to make the experience more bearable for both of you. The key is to be honest, without ever neglecting the feelings of others.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Prepare
Step 1. Make sure you really want to end the relationship forever
Avoid breaking up with someone if you don't accept the possibility of losing them forever. Even if you change your mind after the breakup and get back together, it will create permanent and possibly irreparable damage to your relationship.
Step 2. Be prepared for the possibility that the other person is in too much pain to be able to remain your friend, at least in the beginning
Ending a relationship is an event that causes strong emotions in everyone involved. Don't expect you to be able to date as friends right after the breakup.
Step 3. Avoid ending a relationship for the wrong reasons
You need to decide if the relationship is worth ending. You need to think ahead, not only for yourself, but for your partner as well.
- Always avoid continuing a relationship just because you are afraid of being single. The only way to find the right person for you is to get involved and be alone.
- Never pursue a relationship with someone just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings. Ending your relationship may seem cruel to you, but continuing to date someone you no longer love is even worse.
- Don't propose a "break". Usually, breaks are just a prelude to actual separation. If you feel the need to break up with the person you date, you probably really want to, but you are too afraid to be alone. Instead of asking for a break, wait until you're ready to end the relationship for good, then don't hesitate.
Step 4. Think about the preparations
If you live together, decide who will move and who will stay in the house you currently occupy (of course, you will not be able to make this decision alone). If you expect your partner to move in, you need to give her plenty of time to find new accommodation and you should stay somewhere else in the meantime.
- Ask your parents or a close friend if you can stay with them for a few days, or book a hotel room for a few nights.
- If you don't live together, but you see each other every day at work or school, you need to consider whether your life is worth changing. If you think seeing each other so often can keep you from moving on, consider changing jobs or school courses to avoid having to interact with your ex all the time.
Part 2 of 3: Reporting the News
Step 1. Choose the right time
There is no perfect time to break up with the person you love, but undoubtedly some situations should be avoided. Including:
- When your partner is facing a personal crisis, such as the loss of a family member, being diagnosed with illness, or losing a job. If she is having a hard time, allow some time to pass before you break up with her so you don't hurt her any more.
- During a fight. Always avoid ending a hot relationship; you may say things you don't really think and regret your decision in the future.
- In front of other people. If you have decided to break up with your partner in public, make sure you find at least one isolated table or corner to have a conversation. Remember that both of you may react very emotionally and need privacy.
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By message, email or phone. If you really love someone, you need to talk to them face to face out of respect.
The only exception to this rule is long distance relationships, where meeting is really difficult. Again, try to use a medium like Skype or the telephone, instead of more impersonal methods, like texting or email
Step 2. Prepare your partner for the conversation
In other words, don't surprise her with the news suddenly, during a regular chat, or while she's busy doing something else.
- Take her aside and say "I want to talk to you about something" or "I think we should talk."
- You can ask your partner to speak via email or text. That way, she'll have plenty of time to emotionally prepare for an important conversation. Avoid breaking up with her over text, but tell her you need to talk about a serious topic shortly.
Step 3. Use first person affirmations
These sentences allow you to express your opinion concisely and you will not give the impression that you are judging your partner. For example, you can say something like:
- "I really think having children is not part of my life plans." This is a better way of saying, "You want kids and I don't."
- "I think I need to spend more time alone at the moment." It's a better way to say, "You want to spend too much time together."
- "I have to think about my future" might be a better alternative than "We're not going anywhere together".
Step 4. Be honest, but avoid being unnecessarily abrupt
Everyone deserves to know the truth, but at the same time some statements would only hurt your partner's feelings, without adding anything constructive.
- If your relationship has obvious problems, such as incompatible interests, you should tell your partner. Being honest and uncovering some of the mystery will help the other person move on faster, instead of letting them constantly wonder why it ended between you and what they could have done differently. You can say something like, "I know you like to go out every night, but I don't enjoy it. I don't think we can be happy, because of our incompatibility."
- Find a nice way to express your criticism. If you love someone, you should be committed to protecting their self-esteem. For example, instead of saying "I don't find you attractive anymore", try something like "I don't think we have the right chemistry anymore."
- Avoid insults or low blows, which would only hurt your partner's feelings.
- Reassure her by telling her that you still love her and that you care a lot about her. This will help her cope better with rejection. You can say something like, "I think you really are a great person. You are very intelligent and have great ambition. Unfortunately my dreams are different from yours."
Step 5. Suggest that they stay friends
If you really want to keep friends with your ex, you should say this at the end of the conversation where you split up. Again, be prepared for the possibility that you will be in too much pain to be able to have a relationship with you, at least in the beginning. Respect her needs and give her the space she needs.
- Avoid continuing to call or text her regularly after the breakup. These are ambiguous signals, preventing both of you from moving on. Even if you have decided to remain friends, you should be separated for some time after the breakup, without seeing or talking to each other.
- Once it's been a while after the breakup and when the feelings aren't as intense anymore, you can reconnect with your ex. You can invite her to a group date (it's best to avoid going out alone, so as not to give ambiguous signals), saying something like, "Hey, I'm going to the cinema with some friends. Do you want to come?".
Part 3 of 3: Turning the Page After Separation
Step 1. Avoid talking to your ex, at least in the beginning
While it may seem impossible to completely cut off contact with a loved one, continuing to feel makes the separation much more painful. If you are tempted to write to her, block her number on your mobile and her profile on social networks. This way, you will avoid temptation.
Step 2. Avoid feeling guilty or feeling bad
Even if you decided to end the relationship, you may still feel hurt or feel a feeling of grief. These are normal reactions, which you should accept to be able to heal.
Step 3. Spend some time for yourself
Love can be complicated. After a breakup with someone you loved, you may feel a sense of grief. This indicates that it should take you some time to get to know each other better and get used to the single life again before jumping into a new relationship.
Step 4. Trust your friends and family
Don't be afraid to seek emotional support from the most important people in your life, such as close friends and family. They will likely empathize with your situation, offer you advice and a shoulder to cry on.
