It may happen that you spend a few moments with a guy you met at a party or talk to the man of your dreams on your first date, and panic because you don't know what to say when the conversation comes to a standstill. In such situations, take a deep breath, calm down, and follow these helpful tips to keep a conversation with a guy alive.
Part 1 of 3: Know what to say
Step 1. Ask open-ended questions
This technique is fundamental, regardless of your interlocutor and what your ultimate goal is. An open-ended question requires a more elaborate reply, while a dry question may receive a single word as an answer. Therefore, if you want to keep the conversation going, the first solution is more effective than a question that can be answered simply with a yes or a no.
- Find a way to turn a closed question into an open question. For example, instead of asking a guy if he liked the movie you saw together, ask him for his opinion on the photograph or the story.
- You can encourage him to broaden the answer by reporting your impressions as well, but allow him to express himself.
Step 2. Ask other questions based on his answers
In other words, use the information he gives you to broaden the discussion. If you are careful, you will certainly find something to analyze in more detail. Try using this method to deepen the comparison or to take it in another direction.
- If you can't find a way to ask more incisive questions, you can say, "That sounds interesting. Tell me more."
- Don't interrupt him while he's talking. Wait until he finishes expressing his thoughts, then ask him another question.
- A guy is very likely to stop talking if he thinks he is boring you. The important thing is to deepen his point of view in order to keep the conversation going and at the same time make him feel confident that he knows how to capture your interest.
Step 3. Give him a compliment to make him comfortable
Most people appreciate sincere and spontaneous compliments. So, if you feel like a guy isn't talkative around you, some candid flattery could give him a boost of confidence and lead him to melt.
- Avoid giving compliments in a provocative or suggestive way. For example, it is better to tell a guy "You have beautiful eyes" than "You have a macho look".
- The more sincere they are, the more comfortable they will feel in the context they are in. For example, try telling him, "I'm so glad you kept me company. I would have been bored to death if you didn't show up."
Step 4. Talk about the place
If you suddenly need a topic, take a look around. Surely you will be able to draw inspiration from the context in which you find yourself.
- If you're at a party or social event, talk about the music, decor, food, or whatever else pertains to the situation.
- If you are in a restaurant, talk about the place, the dishes and the possibility of having eaten at this place before.
Step 5. Show a positive attitude
Complaining will get you nowhere. Most people are more interested in continuing a conversation with someone who is upbeat and positive. If you work together or go to the same school, there is very likely to be some reason to complain. However, resist this temptation.
- If both of you are stressed out by work and school life, a certain attitude of accusation could create a climate of solidarity between the two of you, but if you complain without giving him a chance to speak, he will have no intention of continuing to talk to you.
- Instead of complaining, highlight the positives. Talk about how your company managed to recover from a bad accident or how the new professor is better than the old one.
Step 6. Ask him about his passions
Most people love to talk about their interests. Once you understand what excites him, keep asking questions about the topic to keep the conversation going.
- If you don't know him very well, you will probably need to investigate a little better before figuring out what his interests are. In this case, you have every right to ask him a few questions.
- Try to understand what you have in common. It will be easier to keep the dialogue going if you can find out what interests you share.
Step 7. Share some fun anecdotes
People like stories, especially those full of humor. If you tell the guy you're in front of something that happened a few minutes before you met him, you won't have much trouble breaking the ice with him.
- An older event might also work, but you need to find a way to bring it into the conversation. If, while you are together, something happens that relates to the anecdote you intend to tell, try to emphasize what happened and insert your story by saying: "It reminds me of that time when …".
- Understand that humor is sometimes dangerous. Not all cultures share the same idea about a sense of humor, so you may find it particularly funny an episode that isn't pleasant at all for another person. Wait until you have a clearer idea of how he can pick up on a joke before telling him a hilarious adventure.
Step 8. Talk about yourself
This will let him know that you have no problem trusting him and encourage him to do the same. As mutual trust grows, the barriers that hindered your dialogue will begin to collapse.
- It's not a good idea to get personal right away. Talking about the first time you started your period may be a little too private when you start meeting a guy.
- You will certainly be more accessible if you don't start putting on airs. On the other hand, if you show a certain amount of pride when you talk about yourself, you risk intimidating him.
Step 9. Avoid talking about your relationships or other flirtations
It is not pleasant to hear of past stories. Unless he asks you specifically, it is best not to start this conversation.
- Even if you talk about it negatively, you may feel like you are still tied to the past.
- If you've just ended a relationship, the guy you're talking to might assume you're looking for a "fallback".
- If he knows your ex, he may observe a certain respect towards him that prevents him from continuing to hang out with you.
Part 2 of 3: Know what to say
Step 1. Try to look comfortable
With body language, you can communicate interest in the conversation or that you prefer to let it go. In the first case, she remains turned in his direction, without crossing her arms. Lean forward slightly towards him, also to let him know that you are intrigued by what he says.
- Avoid fiddling with objects nervously. If you feel the need to do this, change your position and keep it. Instead of getting nervous about having nothing to add to the conversation, try thinking of another topic to discuss.
- Don't worry excessively if you release your tension on an object or if you feel uncomfortable. If you pay too much attention to your reactions, you will end up accentuating this kind of behavior.
- If you look stiff or uncomfortable, the guy in front of you may think he is the cause. This anxiety will only make the situation even more complicated for him.
Step 2. Break eye contact every now and then
Even if you find it really pleasant to look at the person in front of you, you risk making them uncomfortable by staring at them all the time. Look away for a few seconds. Eye contact is important, but knowing when and how to look is equally essential.
- Looking him in the eye, you will let him know that he has your full attention. If you constantly look around, it may feel like you are looking for a better opportunity.
- Instead of staring him in the eye all the time when you speak, catch his eye, take a look elsewhere, and look back at him.
Step 3. Be expressive
Nod as he speaks to let him know that you agree with him or understand what he is saying. It is important to smile, especially since it allows the interlocutor to understand that you are pleased to hear him. This way he will feel encouraged to speak. By smiling, you will also appear more open and affable.
- Don't be afraid to express your emotions even using your hands. Many people gesticulate as they speak. If it's natural to you, don't try to tone it down or hold back.
- Make sure your facial expressions reflect the tone of the conversation. If it gets serious, smiling cheerfully will make you appear detached at best and sadistic at worst.
Step 4. Show interest and attention
Don't divide your attention between the guy you're talking to and someone else, perhaps texting a friend. To get him to talk, let him know that you are listening to everything he says.
Step 5. Don't be too critical of yourself
If you accidentally say something silly or embarrassing, admit your mistake and move on. It can happen to everyone to say something unpleasant. If that happens, just laugh it off. The male sex is willing to appreciate a woman's sense of humor.
- If nothing else, by admitting that you made a gaffe and laughing at it, you will ease the tension and make the guy accompanying you realize that it's not a problem if it happens to him too.
- If you feel the need, you can apologize for your oversight, but move on to something else right away.
Step 6. Avoid looking too impatient
You may want to see him again, but don't assume that the desire is mutual and start planning the next meeting. If the conversation is going well, throw hints to let him know that you would like to spend more time with him. Most guys catch them even before the chat is over and act accordingly.
- The best suggestion you can throw is to simply say, "I really enjoyed talking to you. Hope we can repeat it soon."
- If he doesn't ask you to see you again, leave him your contact information. After all, he may change his mind.
Step 7. Try to understand what his silence means
Contrary to what one might think, silence is not always negative. It is possible that there is no interest on the other side, but it is also likely that the nervousness is getting the better of your interlocutor. Give him some respite and try not to make him weigh too much.
- If a guy responds laconically and seems distracted, he's probably not interested. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you. He's probably thinking about something else.
- If he gives you the impression that he is cold and aloof as he speaks, but his body language suggests that he enjoys being with you, chances are he is being indifferent to mask his discomfort.
- If he seems intimidated by your presence, take things more calmly and stop flirting.
Step 8. Eliminate or reduce the tension of the meeting
If a guy interests you romantically, this advice might seem counterproductive. However, if you become obsessed with creating a romantic atmosphere, it may be more difficult for him to relax and have a conversation with you.
- Lessen the tension that could arise from a romantic situation by avoiding flirting verbally or physically.
- Just interact in the same way you would interact with a male friend or family member.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping a Conversation Alive Online or Through Messages
Step 1. Mention something you saw on their online profile
If you're talking to a guy through a computer screen, take a look at any of his or her profiles on the web that you have access to and take a cue from something he has posted. Compliment him on an item he posted or a question about a place he visited.
- This system is especially effective if you are talking to someone via chat on a dating website, but it can also work if you are having a conversation on a social network.
- In addition to talking about what you saw on his profile, you can also ask him about the photos on his page. For example, if the profile picture shows him in a forest, try asking him where he took the photo, highlighting the beauty of the scenery.
Step 2. Try to be casual
A fun way to continue a conversation over the Internet is to send witty and friendly messages. Reserve the deeper talks for moments when you will meet in person. In the virtual context it is best not to ask too many personal questions, unless he has hinted that he feels comfortable chatting like this.
- Irony and the use of emoticons help keep a conversation going. Even a single smiley face or a wink can give a slight twist to the tone of the messages.
- Texting can be a great way to give small compliments.
Step 3. Respond after a reasonable amount of time
When you talk to a guy via email or on social networks, reply to him same day if possible. If you communicate with him via text message, try to reply within a few hours.
- Don't feel obligated to respond right away. It is not a problem if you reply to an online message within an hour.
- Try not to always be the first to send messages. Make him miss you.
Step 4. Keep your messages short, but punchy
If it's a guy you hang out with or hope to meet in real life, then you should postpone most of your long conversations until you see each other in person. That said, when communicating via text message or email, you should talk about more important things than weather conditions.
- Ask him what he plans to do on the weekend or what he is doing at work.
- Avoid asking him for advice on the most important issues in your life or for an opinion on the hottest issues in politics.
Step 5. Avoid overwhelming him with messages
If a guy doesn't respond to the first text or message online, resist the urge to send him another one an hour later. Give it time. If a few days go by, try again. By sending him two or three messages at a time, you risk being quite creepy.
- Don't ask him why he didn't respond to your first message, unless his behavior is repeated several times.
- If you ask him why he didn't answer you, do it in a polite way. Badly, he blames the technology, saying, for example, "My phone has been having problems lately. Did you get my message a couple of days ago?"
- You might even skip over the first message and change the subject without discussing why she ignored it.
- If he doesn't reply to a second message, however, don't send a third. At this point, consider the conversation dead to all intents and purposes.
Step 6. Make up for the lack of body language
Conversing with a guy through an electronic device has a big disadvantage: there is no possibility of using non-verbal communication. To compensate, you should use expressions that indicate feelings, not just information.
- For example, if a guy gives you a compliment, try saying, "Really? Thank you very much!". This way you can thank him and be shyly happy with the compliment received.
- It can also help to insert a series of emoticons, but don't get carried away. Use them only when you want to emphasize or clarify an emotion.