While it can be flattering to receive an invitation to go out, sometimes you may want to decline without hurting the feelings of the person offering it to you. In these cases it is necessary to manifest the rejection with kindness to avoid mortifying the other person. To do this gracefully, you can pay her a few compliments and show yourself sincere and respectful towards her. When it comes to saying no, you should be firm, concise, and courteous, but you may want to take some steps to protect yourself if your refusal is unwelcome.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Be Kind
Step 1. Give thanks
Remember that the other person took courage to ask you out. If you appreciate her initiative, thanking her, you will alleviate the blow she might suffer in the face of your refusal.
Step 2. Give some compliments
Be polite and say something encouraging before you decline the invitation. Be specific and think of something that characterizes it positively. For example, you could tell her:
- "I always have fun when I'm with you, but…".
- "Lately you have proved to be a great friend, but…".
- "You had a really nice thought, but…".
Step 3. Pay attention to your body language
You can speak clearly and assertively and, at the same time, send unconscious or body-confused messages. So don't walk away, but also avoid leaning in his direction. Don't keep your arms folded, look into her eyes and smile slightly. It's an awkward situation, but try to relax physically. Avoid clenching your teeth, frowning, or squeezing your lips, or you will feel stiff and numb.
Step 4. Avoid telling others
You've probably enjoyed the thought that this person has asked you on a date or are tempted to talk to your best friends about it. However, don't tell anyone what happened. Respect her feelings and don't forget that she had to take courage to invite you out.
- If he asked you in a text message, don't keep it and don't show it to anyone.
- If you have used chat from a social network, do not take the screenshot to show it to others.
Part 2 of 3: Say No
Step 1. Be honest
Clearly explain the reasons for your refusal. You don't have to be blunt or overly blunt, but try to honestly state why you're not interested. Avoid making excuses or lying shamelessly.
- If someone you don't find attractive asks you a second or third time, say, "I had a lot of fun on our last date, but my interest doesn't go further." Such an answer may be easier to accept than "I have no attraction towards you."
- If someone you prefer to be friends with asks you, you can say, "I appreciate our friendship and have a lot of fun with you, but I don't see you in any other way and I wouldn't want to ruin our relationship."
- If you are asked by a colleague or a schoolmate who is unaware that you are already in a relationship, you can answer: "I really appreciate your invitation and your company is pleasant, but I am already engaged."
Step 2. Avoid pleasing everyone
It is normal that you want to avoid any kind of discomfort or embarrassment, but don't accept an invitation just to make the person who offered it to you feel better. If you are forced to refuse her later, she will feel confused. Don't fool her. When you say "no", you should:
- Be short and concise. You have every right to refuse without giving an explanation.
- Avoid apologizing all the time. You don't have to apologize for your mood. You have the right to honestly express your feelings.
- Be firm. Reiterate your refusal if the message has not been received or if the other person is trying to change your mind.
Step 3. Be timely
When someone asks you out, don't delay replying. Avoid telling people about it or disappearing, because it would be a disrespectful behavior, which you certainly do not expect from others. So, respond right away.
- If you need time to think because the situation is complicated, be direct and ask if you can think about it.
- For example, if you are interested in the other person, but you know that your friend was dating, do not directly say "no" and say, "I'm not sure. I like you and I think I would be in good company, but I also know you were dating. with one of my friends. I have to talk to him before I can give you an answer."
Step 4. Be kind
When you decline the proposal, be polite so that your interlocutor does not feel snubbed or mortified. You will prove that you are a fair person if you respond in a mature way.
- Choose the right context to say no. For example, if he has asked you in front of other people, avoid expressing your rejection until you have the opportunity to be alone. You can answer: "Thank you very much! Why don't we go for a coffee or take a walk to have a chat?".
- Choose the most suitable means of communication. If he has asked you through a text message, email or social network chat, you can respond kindly or give him a call.
Part 3 of 3: Coping with the other Person's Reaction
Step 1. Put yourself in his shoes
Be understanding and remember not to hurt her feelings. So, listen and accept his reaction. Show that you appreciate her being emotionally exposed.
- You can tell her, "I know you might feel hurt or confused right now. I appreciate your offer. It takes a lot of courage and I can't imagine how hard it was."
- You might ask, "Is there anything I can do to keep you from getting in trouble? I know it might be embarrassing since we go to the same school."
Step 2. Suggest some alternatives
If you care about the person who asked you for a date but would rather not go out with them, try offering them your help. Suggest some other solutions to be able to manage your relationship.
- Refer her to a friend she might be more compatible with. However, ask for his permission first.
- Ask her if you could become friends, in case you weren't already.
- Ask for more time if you are unsure of your decision or if you cannot accept an appointment at the moment but are interested in dating her in the future.
- If you don't know her well, but want to deepen your relationship before accepting a more formal invitation, propose that she spend more time together.
Step 3. Don't underestimate personal safety
Be careful if he insists or does not accept a rejection from you. Notice if he reacts with anger or uses aggressive language. If he behaves in an uneasy, insulting, or inappropriate manner, protect yourself:
- Telling someone where you are, if you are alone with her.
- Leaving right away and heading to a place where you can find other people.
- Blocking it on the applications you use to connect to social networks or dating sites where you usually chat.
- Avoiding answering his calls, emails or text messages.
- Avoiding being alone with her in the future.
Step 4. Manage the guilt
Even if you refuse her invitation politely and politely, she doesn't necessarily take it well, on the contrary she may even react negatively. In this situation, you may feel guilty and think you could have accepted just out of kindness. For their part, the other person might add up too, but you shouldn't feel bad or guilty for being honest and sincere about them. You can't force yourself to feel something or force or fool yourself into feeling a bond that doesn't exist. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior, so if they react badly, you are not to blame.
Advice
- You may want to let her go if she begins to behave rudely or aggressively despite attempts to communicate your rejection in a kind way.
- If you're not interested, you should be polite and aloof at the same time. If you are too affable, they may view your attitude as a sign of hope and convince themselves that you will change your mind.
- It is possible that she still feels hurt, even if you have been kind and polite. It is not easy for everyone to know how to accept rejection.
- Some people find it difficult to receive rejection, even if it is communicated correctly and respectfully.
