Do you feel uncomfortable when there are people around you? Can't you help but be nervous? Do you make strange speeches, your hands are shaking and you can't look your interlocutor in the eye? This is absolutely normal. They are reactions of discomfort and nervousness in front of strangers which, however, must not become a problem.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Start a Conversation
Step 1. Take action
Sometimes, the hardest part is breaking the ice, after which the rest runs smoothly. For example, at first try shaking hands, saying hello, or approaching to introduce yourself.
It is normal to be afraid of approaching someone you do not know, because there is a risk of disturbing them. However, people enjoy talking to strangers, whether they take the initiative themselves or someone else. You could make her happy
Step 2. Smile
In this way, you will be able to release the tension between you and your interlocutor. Plus, if you smile with a twinkle in your eye, you will look open and helpful. When you feel tense or nervous, smile and think that everything will be fine.
Don't forget that the person you're talking to can be just as nervous as you are. By smiling, you will be able to put her at ease and will feel calmer
Step 3. Introduce yourself
While it can be a little odd to approach someone on the subway and introduce yourself, it is perfectly normal behavior at a party, business meeting, or other business situation. When you introduce yourself, give some information that relates to the context. For example, if you are at a party, introduce yourself and say who you know. If you are attending a business or business meeting, introduce yourself by saying which company you work in and what you do.
- If you are in a context where strangers or friends of friends participate, try saying: "Hi, I'm Anna, friend of Sabrina. Did she invite you too?".
- With your work colleagues, you could begin: "Hi, I'm Pietro. I work in the marketing area. You, on the other hand, in which department are you?".
Step 4. Give a compliment
Generally, people like to receive compliments. If you want to break the ice and put your interlocutor at ease, give him a compliment. Try to be honest, avoiding self-righteous speeches for the sake of impressing. If you want to strike up a conversation, after a compliment you can add: "I really like your jacket, where did you buy it?" or "What a beautiful picture! Did you paint it?".
While it is pleasant to receive compliments, be aware that you may be annoying if they are exaggerated, if you repeat them insistently, or if you do too many. Just make one
Step 5. Ask a question
It's a great way to strike up a conversation. If you have just joined the gym, ask where the locker room is, where the bathroom is or what is the best course. If you need to buy a gift, ask a stranger for their opinion on something you've spotted. By asking simple questions of people you don't know, you can feel more comfortable with each other. Also, try to use this strategy when you want to get to know someone.
- The first time you meet a person, you might ask them "Where are you from?", "What do you do in life?", "What do you study?" or "What do you do in your free time?".
- For more ideas on questions to ask, read this article.
Step 6. Find a common point with your interlocutor
There are many things that you can connect with people you don't know, from working on the same company to being a vegetarian, having a dog or cat to living in the same neighborhood. Use these affinities and strike up a conversation. It's nice to talk to someone you have something in common with, and who knows, you might even become friends.
- If you see someone with a dog walking your dog, try to stop and ask them a few questions about their puppy. Often those who love animals love to talk about their four-legged friend and socialize with those who, in turn, have one.
- You may notice someone wearing a shirt with the name of the university you went to or see someone wearing a sweatshirt from your favorite team. Ask: "In what years did you go to university?", "What did you study?" and "What courses did you follow?". The possibilities for getting to know are endless!
Part 2 of 3: Improve Your Approaches
Step 1. Think back to the facial expressions of others
You don't necessarily have to imitate them, but pay attention to visual cues that express the emotions of your interlocutor. Interpret his body language to see if he is nervous, scared, stressed, or calm. You will likely realize that many other people feel uncomfortable around strangers, just like you.
Once you start observing other people's body language, your behavior will also begin to align with their mood
Step 2. Use body language
While it is important to understand the visual signals transmitted by others, you must also be aware of the ones you send yourself. If you find yourself in a corner with your eyes down and your arms folded, it is unlikely that someone will come over to talk to you. However, if you smile, keep your head up and move with ease, people will feel more comfortable in your company and will want to talk to you.
- If you are sitting, keep your hands on your legs or, if you are standing, calmly at your sides. As you move your fingers, you may appear nervous or bored. If you don't know where to put your hands or arms, grab a glass or plate if offered.
- If you are sitting, do not cross your legs, but do not spread them too wide. You have to find a "middle ground" in order to appear open to dialogue, but not broken or disinterested. If your legs begin to shake, cross them slightly at the ankles.
Step 3. Respect the limits
Learn not to go beyond socially acceptable limits. Avoid being too close to people and making them feel physically uncomfortable. Also, pay attention to the degree of confidence when speaking. Don't give out too much personal information and don't monopolize the conversation. Speak up and listen at the right time.
- If you find yourself talking too much, start asking open-ended questions so that the other person has the opportunity to speak.
- Don't give out too much personal information. While it is normal (and fun) among friends, in conversations with strangers avoid describing in detail when you have removed a wart, your sister's "insanities" and all the problems in your life.
Step 4. Admit your state of mind
Sometimes, you can break the ice by admitting you're nervous. If you're dating someone for the first time and the mood is pretty tense, try saying, "I'm sorry if I'm acting weird, it's just that I'm pretty nervous." This way, you can lighten the mood for both of you. Your interlocutor may reply: "Damn! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one feeling upset!".
By admitting your state of mind, you have the opportunity to ease the tension and those in front of you will understand that you are a person with whom you can talk safely
Step 5. Focus on everything except yourself
When you feel in trouble, you tend to focus your attention on the sense of discomfort, on embarrassment and you cannot detach yourself from everything you are experiencing. As soon as you realize you are in total embarrassment, turn your attention to your surroundings. Study the environment, observe the people around and listen to their speeches. By focusing on the external elements, you will be able to shake off negative thoughts.
Step 6. Don't reject the dialogue
If someone pushes a button, try to imagine that they are your friend. Give yourself the opportunity to interact with the other person, asking questions and showing interest. If you feel really uncomfortable, end the conversation without offending.
If you need to end a conversation, you might say, "Thanks for your attention. I have to run away, but we'll see you soon" or "I'm grateful for your time. See you next time."
Part 3 of 3: Changing Your Feelings
Step 1. Fuel your self-esteem
If you feel comfortable with others, it means that you are also comfortable with yourself. If you are the insecure type, others will notice when they interact with you. Find something to do that increases your self-esteem or allows you to develop self-confidence, and try to convey that confidence even when you are around people.
Maybe you are good at skiing, dancing or modeling. If you are anxious or uncomfortable, use the trust you have in your passions to be more calm and casual among others
Step 2. Feed a positive inner dialogue
If negative thoughts take over (like "I'm going to be so embarrassed" or "I'm not having fun"), become aware of this fact and adopt another point of view. You might be thinking, "I can really have fun and have the opportunity to have a nice evening", or "I can overcome my embarrassment by learning to be more sociable."
- Don't avoid socializing just because you feel uncomfortable. If you're not sure whether to go out or not, find the right words to encourage yourself. See an opportunity to be among the people as an adventure that will help you detach yourself from your protective shell.
- Remember that the ability to interact with others is not an innate talent, but you have the ability to develop it. Take the time to learn to think more positively of yourself.
- You will probably imagine catastrophic scenarios ("It will be horrible" or "I bet nobody will come. I will be alone and I will feel like a fish out of water"), but learn to ignore these thoughts and be more optimistic.
Step 3. Avoid judging yourself based on the reactions of others
Sometimes you get on well with certain people, while with others there is no harmony. It may happen that the agreement is missing, but it is not the rule. It doesn't mean that you are unsociable, unpleasant, or unable to converse. If you fear the reactions or judgments of others, remember not to give too much importance to people's opinions.
He thinks, "People's opinions about me don't fully represent me. Others have the right to think what they want as much as I do."
Step 4. Breathe
If you feel anxious around strangers, tune into your body, focusing primarily on your breath. Should you begin to breathe quickly or with difficulty, relax your mind and you will be able to breathe more calmly.
Take a deep breath, hold the air for a few seconds, then let it out slowly. Repeat everything if necessary
Step 5. Relax
Learn to identify stressors and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. This exercise is especially useful before facing a situation where you know you will be interacting with people you don't know. Practices like meditation and yoga can help you relax before new encounters.
- If you find yourself physically tense before a meeting or meeting, take note of your state of mind and learn to relax your body. Feel the tension (in the shoulders or neck) and consciously release it.
- Use relaxation techniques before meeting new people. If you are attending a business event, make time to meditate or take a yoga class before you go. Plan your day so that you can face the situation with the right spirit.
