The relationship between parent and child is one of the most important in a person's life. Being one of the child's first bonds, this type of relationship sets the standard for all others. A positive connection between parent and child fosters autonomy, curiosity, self-esteem and the development of good decision-making skills. Improve your relationship with your child by becoming a part of his life and communicating with him more effectively. Also learn to adapt your relationship over time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Getting Involved
Step 1. Put yourself on his level
You can enrich your relationship with your child by bonding with them appropriately for their age. He teaches, works on projects and plays at a level that is familiar to him. This helps him create a connection with you and makes you seem more approachable.
- If you have a small child, lie down with him and build a fort out of legos. If you have a teenage son, play a few games with him at his favorite video game.
- It will be easier to talk to him in those moments than at the dinner table.
Step 2. Emphasize the importance of family time
While your child needs to know that you recognize and respect their individuality, it is also important that you value the family as a group. Incorporate activities for the whole family into your routine.
Eat together almost every night of the week and share the best and worst moments of your days. Attend sporting events, community activities and go to the movies together
Step 3. Make private time for each child
It is vital to spend time together as a family, but you should also find opportunities to be alone with each child. This helps you bond with each of them. Plus, it allows you to focus on their individual strengths and talents.
Find a hobby to share with each of your children. At the weekend you can teach the oldest to fish. With another, you can help him become a piano teacher. Use some of your free time to create a special relationship with each of your children
Step 4. Stay up to date on school, friendships and extracurricular activities
Parents who have good relationships with their children are involved in their lives. You can't expect to create a strong bond with them if you just say "Good morning" and "Good evening".
- It is understandable that you struggle to manage your work and all other responsibilities, but you should also make an effort to get to know your children and learn what happens in their lives.
- If you have free time, volunteer at school, become a youth team coach or meet your children's teachers regularly, so you are always up to date on their academic achievements.
- Get close to them when they do their homework. Help them review the lines for the school play. Invite their friends over to your home to see what kind of influences they are under.
Step 5. Play around
Make it clear to your children that the relationship between you doesn't always have to be serious. Of course they have to respect your authority, but you should also laugh along with them. A sense of humor can liven up their lives and allow you to build beautiful memories.
Make faces or noises when it's time for food or play if you have small children. Be funny around teens by making jokes or telling jokes to them
Part 2 of 3: Maintain Positive Communication
Step 1. Show yourself trustworthy
As a parent, it is important that your relationship with your children is built on trust. This concept underlies many aspects of parenthood. Of course, your baby needs to know that you will always be by his side. When you say you will do something, always keep your word. This helps the little one develop secure bonds that will affect his future relationships.
- However, trusting also means respecting your child's need for privacy and keeping the secrets he confides in you.
- Trusting doesn't necessarily mean believing whatever your child says, but that you'll try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Step 2. Practice listening actively without being distracted
Parents are very busy. However, you will also want to make sure your child knows that you care what he has to say. Even if he always complains about the same problems at school or doesn't stop talking about his teenage drama, try to give him your full attention. When you listen actively, you strengthen the bond between you and show that it matters to you.
- Turn off the phone's ringer and turn off the television. Don't stop listening to prepare your answer. Really listen to your child and try to understand their message. Turn to him and look him in the eye. Use open body language. Don't judge him and don't make negative expressions.
- Once he is done speaking, summarize what you have heard. For example, your daughter might say to you, "All the girls at school are going camping next Saturday. We have to go to that stupid wedding instead." You might say, "I feel like you're being whipped because you can't go camping."
Step 3. Follow the three F's to be a good parent
All children seek the limit in communication and behavior. However, as an adult, you must have the strength to react maturely and calmly to mistakes. Use the three Fs to impart discipline without ruining the relationship with your child.
- Be firm (Firm). Explain what the consequences are and apply them consistently;
- Be fair (Fair). Make sure the sentences are commensurate with the crimes. Avoid too harsh or excessive consequences;
- Be friendly (Friendly). Communicate firmly but politely. Do not raise your voice and simply explain which rules have been violated and what the consequences are. Also, praise your child when he behaves well.
Step 4. Speak in a relaxed way, side by side
Teens can feel intimidated if you communicate too much face to face. Relieve pressure by talking in a parallel position. Try asking your child if he has a problem with bullying at school when taking him to soccer practice. Ask your daughter what the guy she likes is like when you bake cookies in the kitchen.
Use these moments to really get to know your child. To develop a meaningful relationship with anyone, you need to take the time to learn about their interests, preferences, hobbies, and so on. This is also true with your child. Approach him lightly, play and joke together, show your respect and let him know that you care what he says. Share your interests, things you like and your past experiences. Emphasize the passions you have in common. Your child will be more likely to open up and get involved if you talk to him like this
Part 3 of 3: Changing the Relationship Over Time
Step 1. Reconsider the rules and grant more privileges to your child as they grow up
As the years go by, it is important to change the rules as needed. Children need to understand that you trust them and are willing to give them more responsibility when they are older. However, the consequences should also escalate when they break a rule.
Encourage cooperation by talking to your child about the rules. You can say, "It seems to me that you have no problem complying with the 9:00 pm curfew. Since you've gotten older, I think we can extend it by an hour. What do you think?"
Step 2. Have them participate in your decisions
The feeling a teenager gets when his parents really want to know his opinion is priceless. Many parents just force decisions instead of letting their children have a chance to express themselves. If, on the other hand, when they become teenagers and young adults they can have more say in the matter, they will feel more autonomous.
- Allow older children to participate in some decisions, such as what clothes to buy, what to eat, what activities to do, or where to go on vacation. You may want to ask for their opinion on the family business so they know you respect their point of view.
- For example, you might say, "Carlo, what movie do you suggest for this week's movie night?", Or "Where would you like to go for the summer vacation?".
Step 3. Encourage your child to take on challenges and find their own independence
If he has a strong relationship with you, he will feel able to face all the challenges that the outside world offers him. Be the first fan, pushing him to develop more and more autonomy over time.
- You could let your teen do his own laundry to get him ready for college life. In some cases, however, you may need to help defend against bullies or talk (with respect) to a teacher who gave him an unfair grade.
- Empower your child by gradually educating him. Teach him how to tackle more challenging tasks. Show him how to behave in stressful social situations, then offer your opinion to encourage him to make more progress in the future.
Step 4. Open up and bring out your human side
When your child is more mature, you can stop parenting for a moment and let them know who you really are. In fact, showing your children the human side can help them learn lessons. Use personal and age-appropriate stories to illustrate ways they can learn and grow.
