Asking for forgiveness when you know you should go beyond just saying a few words of apology. It is in fact a way to show that you have accepted your mistake and have learned a lesson from it. To ask someone for forgiveness, you need to reflect on your actions and how they have influenced the other person. The next step is to approach her with sincerity and feel ready to be rejected. Asking for forgiveness isn't always easy, but you can learn how to do it by following simple steps. Read on to find out more.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Prepare to Ask for Forgiveness
Step 1. Think about the actions you have committed
Before you can make an apology, you will need to identify what you did wrong. It is important to understand specifically which gestures have upset the injured person. If in doubt, you should ask questions.
- Example scenario 1: I embarrassed a friend by making a scene at his birthday party.
- Example scenario 2: I have been abrupt and rude to my partner.
Step 2. Understand the reason for your behavior
In addition to understanding which of your actions was deemed offensive, you will need to reflect on why you did it. While intentions cannot be used as an excuse, knowing your reasons could help you make a valid apology by taking responsibility for your actions.
- Example scenario 1: I made a scene at the party because I felt left out and needed more attention.
- Example scenario 2: I treated my partner roughly because I had slept badly the previous night and a lot of worries crowded my mind.
Step 3. Empathize with the wronged person
Developing a sense of empathy towards the person you intend to apologize to is very important. Empathizing means putting yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding why your actions were considered painful and why the person felt hurt. Without empathy, even the best excuses may appear as empty words and lacking in sincerity. Before you apologize to someone, take the time to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if the same thing had happened to you. How would you have felt? What would you have done?
- Example scenario 1: if a friend had ruined my birthday party I would have felt angry and betrayed.
- Example scenario 2: If my partner had unreasonably assaulted me and treated me badly, I would have felt hurt and confused.
Step 4. Remember that your mistakes don't make you a bad person
Apologizing may not be easy because it means admitting that you were wrong. Keep in mind that apologizing does not mean calling yourself an evil person. One study found that taking a few minutes to point out our good qualities (in private, before apologizing to someone) can make it easier for us.
Before apologizing, take some time for yourself, look in the mirror and list three of your qualities that you admire
Step 5. Write your apology
If there are a lot of things to say, organize your apology on a piece of paper before putting it into words. It will be easier to say them at the right time. If you wish, keep your notes close at hand so you don't forget anything.
- By taking some time to put your apology in writing, you will show your goodwill to the other person. Knowing that you have thought about it for a long time will make you appear more sincere.
- If possible, apologize in person. Otherwise, use the phone. If necessary, you can also use e-mail or ordinary mail.
Method 2 of 3: Ask for forgiveness
Step 1. Apologize to the person you hurt
The first thing you need to do when asking someone for forgiveness is to show remorse for your actions. In other words, you need to make it clear that you are sorry for what you did. Start by simply saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry".
Reinforce your remorseful expression by specifying exactly why you feel sorry. For example "I'm sorry for making a scene at your party" or "I apologize for treating you rudely yesterday."
Step 2. Explain the reason for your behavior, but make no excuses
Revealing the motivation for your actions is important, but be careful not to consider it as a justification. Just explain what caused your words or gestures. Do not go into this part of the apology and make it clear that you are not trying to justify your actions.
For example "I made a scene because I felt left out and was looking for attention, but there is no excuse for my behavior." Or "I acted that way because I slept badly last night and I had a lot of worries on my mind, but you are not at fault and I was wrong to blame you."
Step 3. Show empathy
In addition to making sure the person knows that you are taking charge of your actions, you should make it clear that you understand how they felt about you. So tell her that you can imagine what her emotions were.
For example "With my scene made during the party I know I have embarrassed you in front of the new colleagues". Or "By attacking you like that I know I probably made you feel worthless."
Step 4. Try to make things right
After admitting your behavior and its motives, it's time to try to make things right. Let the person know how you intend to prevent a similar situation from happening again. Describe how you think you can react differently or a different future scenario.
For example, "In the future, I will calmly talk about my feelings to someone rather than shout them badly to the world." Or "The next time I have a bad day, I'll find time to be alone with myself and avoid projecting my anger onto you."
Step 5. Prove you've changed
It is important to demonstrate how much time and effort you are putting into trying to apologize and avoid similar situations from happening again in the future. If you took it upon yourself to correct the mistake you made, describe to the person how you did it. Your willingness to admit your mistakes will be perceived more clearly as will your sincerity in making amends.
Example: "After that incident I changed and started trying to vent my anger productively. I go to the gym and take kickboxing classes. I also talked to a therapist to overcome some of my anger issues."
Step 6. Ask for forgiveness
After you apologize, you can ask the other person to forgive you. This part may be the hardest because your apology won't necessarily be accepted. So be prepared to show understanding if the person doesn't feel ready to forgive you. Don't lose heart, you can always try again in the future.
Example: "I care a lot about you and I care about our friendship. Would you please forgive me?"
Step 7. Try sweetening the pill
Balance your mistake by making a kind gesture towards the person you hurt. Bring her a bouquet of flowers or send her a loving card. Show her that your gesture isn't just about relieving guilt, but more about making her feel better. In any case, never try to replace a sincere apology with a gift or a bouquet of flowers.
Method 3 of 3: Overcoming the Disappointment
Step 1. Hope for the best, but keep expectations low
If the expected forgiveness does not come, you will understandably feel disappointed. So try to expect as little as possible, if you are forgiven you will feel even happier than expected. Prepare for the worst case scenario while still hoping for the best.
Step 2. Be understanding
If the person doesn't forgive you, be empathetic. You say something like "Okay, I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself either. I just hope that time will help us reconnect again. Our friendship is really close to my heart."
Don't be angry if the person you hurt decides not to forgive you. Forgiveness is a privilege and not a right. Remember that being understanding and kind will increase your chances of being forgiven
Step 3. Be patient
Small transgressions can be forgiven easily, but some more serious wounds take time to heal. Don't expect to be forgiven immediately if you have hurt someone deeply. In case your request for forgiveness is not accepted, don't give up and keep trying.
It is usually advisable to apologize in person, but if this is not possible you can use other means of communication. E-mail, ordinary mail, sms and telephone will allow you not to give up
Advice
- Remember that gestures are worth more than words, immediately follow the actions to the excuses.
- Practice before apologizing. Often and for many of us, saying I'm sorry is unnatural and therefore can take some practice.
- If the other person is very angry and you are concerned that you will not be able to handle the reaction, wait for a more appropriate time.
- Before apologizing, try to identify with the situation of others and understand their feelings. It will be easier to understand why you should ask for forgiveness.
- Write down your excuses not to run out of words when saying them. You will derive a useful sense of control and organization from it.
Warnings
- As you apologize, don't blame the other person in any way. Otherwise, she may feel further hurt or threatened in her ego and decide not to accept your apology. If you intend to continue your relationship, you can discuss these details in the future.
- Don't try to justify your actions, or your repentance may seem bogus.
- Don't exaggerate your feelings of remorse so as not to risk appearing fake. Be honest and sincere without being dramatic.
