A codependent individual tends to develop interpersonal relationships of a one-sided nature. Ignore your own needs and suppress your emotions, putting the other person first. If you are afraid you are, read this article to get a better idea about it.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Recognize Codependency
Step 1. See if you are codependent
Codependency, also called emotional dependence, is an emotional and behavioral disorder that can affect different types of people. If you are affected, you probably avoid uncomfortable or strong emotions, putting someone else's needs first.
In a codependent relationship, one focuses exclusively on the other person's well-being and needs, completely ignoring oneself, often causing harm to one's own person
Step 2. See if you tend to behave in a codependent manner
If you have this problem, you exhibit certain behaviors. Over the course of your life, you may only notice a couple or even all of them. Here are some of them:
- Tendency to avoid conflicting or uncomfortable emotions, or to mask one's emotions with passive-aggressive expressions of anger or humor.
- Take responsibility for the actions of others or overcompensate for the actions of your partner.
- Being mistakenly convinced that to love is to save another person. This leads us to constantly think about the needs of the other.
- Giving more than is received in the relationship.
- Tendency to cling to a relationship at any cost because you have great loyalty to your partner. This happens even if the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feeling abandoned.
- Difficulty saying no or feeling guilty for being assertive.
- Worrying excessively about the opinions of others or thinking they are more valuable than your own.
- Difficulty communicating, understanding your needs or making decisions.
- Feeling resentful that your efforts and sacrifices are not recognized. This often leads to feeling guilty.
Step 3. Ask yourself targeted questions about co-dependent tendencies
If after observing your behaviors you are not sure you are, try asking yourself questions to try to reveal it. Here are some of them:
- Has the person you live with ever beat up or abused you in any other way?
- Do you find it difficult to say no to others when they ask you for help?
- Are you overwhelmed by commitments but never ask for help?
- Do you ever have doubts about your wishes or needs? Don't believe in the kind of person you want to become?
- Do you go out of your way to avoid a fight?
- Do you constantly worry about what others think of you?
- Do you think other people's opinions are more important than yours?
- Does the person you live with have an alcoholism or drug addiction problem?
- Do you find it difficult to get used to the changes?
- Do you feel jealous or rejected when your partner spends time with their friends or other people?
- Do you find it difficult to accept compliments or gifts from others?
Step 4. Determine if codependency causes certain moods
In a codependent relationship (whether it has started recently or a long time ago), constantly repressed emotions, fixation on the other person's needs, and continual denial of one's own needs can cause persistent consequences. This leads to:
- Feeling of emptiness.
- Low self-esteem.
- Confusion about your own needs, goals and feelings.
Step 5. Find out if you are in a relationship based on codependency
Generally, emotional dependence is limited to romantic relationships. However, despite this rather common misconception, it is possible to suffer from it in any type of relationship.
- This extends to family and friendship relationships.
- Since it also affects the family, it is possible that your household has experienced or is experiencing a state of codependency. All the needs of the family are set aside for the welfare of one member only.
Step 6. Determine if you are in a codependent romantic relationship
In order for a relationship to be defined as such, it must have a very specific dynamic: one of the members of the couple (ie the codependent subject) takes care of the other and offers him all his attention.
- Usually, recipients are characterized by an excessive need to control the attention, love, sexual intercourse, approval they offer and obtain. They often get what they want through manifestations of violence, guilt, anger, irritation, criticism, addiction, moralization, incessant talk, intrusive physical contact, or emotional drama.
- The recipients often manifest these behaviors outside the codependent relationship, so this can have a direct impact on their children, work and family relationships.
Step 7. Find out if your child is also codependent
This problem can occur in childhood, so you should observe if your child is affected, especially if you yourself suffer from codependency. Children often behave similarly to adults, but they often do it in a somewhat disguised way because they are still learning. Here are some common symptoms:
- Inability to make decisions.
- Excessive worries, stress and / or anxiety.
- Low self-esteem.
- Extreme need to make others happy.
- Fear of loneliness.
- Frequent manifestations of anger.
- Poor assertiveness in interpersonal communications.
Method 2 of 3: Recognize the Risk Factors
Step 1. Find out if your family has had problems with codependency in the past
Often this disorder is repeated within a family, and certain behaviors are passed on to children. It is therefore possible that in the past you have witnessed or been involved in a codependent relationship. In these situations, you have been taught that it is wrong to express your needs, wants or emotions.
- Perhaps in your childhood you were asked to put other people's needs first. So, as you grew up, you were taught to repress your emotional and physical needs in favor of a family member.
- After leaving home, you have probably perpetuated this pattern in your romantic and other relationships, so you may have passed it on to your children.
Step 2. Consider if you have been a victim of abuse
These experiences also often cause codependency. In fact, emotional dependence becomes a means of dealing with the trauma caused by abuse. Repress your emotions and needs to focus on another person's needs.
- The experience of abuse may have occurred during your childhood and perhaps continued without the intervention of your family. This can also happen in codependent family relationships.
- This can be emotional, physical or sexual abuse.
Step 3. Recognize the most common causes of a codependent relationship
Problems with emotional dependence can manifest themselves in any type of relationship or with any type of person, but certain types of people are more predisposed than others. They often arise between a codependent individual and an individual in need of care. Here are some examples:
- People with an addiction.
- People with mental disorders.
- Chronically ill.
Step 4. Consider if you have lived through the divorce experience
This too can cause codependency. After a divorce, it may happen that the firstborn has to play the role of the parent to make up for the absence of the father or mother. In these cases, such a change can cause emotional dependence.
Often we avoid talking to the parent present, so as not to worry him. This prompts you to repress emotions and can cause a codependent relationship to develop
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Codependency
Step 1. Find out the cause of emotional addiction
If you think you are codependent, you should go to a specialist to determine the root of the problem. Since codependency is often linked to abnormal experiences dating back to one's childhood, work with a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other professional to delve into the past and understand why. After that, the specialist will help you deal with unresolved issues and heal. Here are the most common treatments:
- Disorder training to understand how it affects your life and relationships.
- Practical group therapy, which is based on the use of movements, actions and activities to cope with the disorder. We make use of activities such as hippotherapy, music therapy and expressive therapies.
- Individual or group psychotherapy, which serves to discuss one's problems and experiences.
Step 2. Learn to put yourself first
Codependent people often forget who they are and what their needs and wants are. If you want to treat this disorder, work with a therapist to rediscover who you are and what you want from life.
- Since codependent individuals are always thinking about others, it can be difficult to understand how to determine their own needs, wants and goals. A specialist can help you find out.
- You can also use techniques to put your well-being first. For example, learn how to fight stress, get enough sleep and eat right.
Step 3. Determine personal boundaries
In addition to finding the cause of codependency and getting to know yourself better, you need to break out of the vicious circle created by destructive relationships and habits. You can do this by setting healthy and flexible boundaries within your relationships. At first, this is very difficult for a codependent person, so work with a specialist to know how to do it and integrate it into your life. This can be achieved by learning to:
- Gradually distance yourself from others.
- Stop controlling the needs and well-being of others.
- Recognize your inner criticisms and your need to seek perfection.
- Accept yourself and all uncomfortable emotions.
- Assertively define your needs and your value.
Step 4. Join a self-help group
If you need more support or want to talk to people who are facing similar battles, this solution may be for you. There are several self-help groups, such as Codependent Anonymous.
- On the site of the Anonymous Employees you can find meetings organized in your area or virtual groups.
- There are also other self-help groups, such as those organized by the ASPIC (Association for the Psychological Development of the Individual and the Community).
