This article explains what to do, and what not to do, if you catch your partner using a diaper. Since a lot depends on * why * they wear it, it will be your concern to find out why.
Steps
Step 1. Ask them why they use diapers
Be understanding, kind, and avoid hasty judgments. If they seem worried, remind them that you still love them. Adults generally consider diapers to be humiliating, and wouldn't wear them if they didn't have a valid reason.
Step 2. There are three answers you might expect to receive:
due to a physical disorder (incontinence), pure diaper fetishism (sexual satisfaction) or because they are adult children (AB).
Step 3. If it depends on a medical need, they should probably see a doctor, if they haven't already
Any disorder that causes difficulty in controlling the bladder or bowel could be serious and deserves medical attention. In this case they will need support from you, not only because the exams are invasive, but also because they will be very embarrassed by the situation.
Step 4. If they are wearing it for sexual reasons, it is likely diaper fetishism
People can be fetishists of countless things, leather, rubber and latex, clothing of the opposite sex etc. Given that diapers are soft, warm, and stimulate the sexual organs, it shouldn't surprise you that among all individuals who manage to be a fetishist for anything, some end up developing a diaper fetish.
Step 5. If they wear it because they like to revert to a childish state, or if they claim to be adult children, this is potentially the most complex situation
Adult children love to revert to the infant state, using diapers, toys, etc. Some adult babies are even fond of diapers. In practice, the differences between AB (adult children) and DL (diaper lovers) are much less well defined and this topic is too complex to be addressed here.
Step 6. It is very important to realize that no matter what you find out about your partner, they are still your partner and still love you
He hopes you do the same. It would become a bigger problem in your relationship if it didn't.
Step 7. You may resent the fact that they kept it hidden
Remember that adults who wear diapers have many reasons for behaving this way, from simple embarrassment, to outright shame, to fear of causing concern in the people in their lives, etc. Still others simply do not feel the need to share their condition if it does not affect their existence and would not benefit from declaring it.
Step 8. If you don't get the answers you want when asking for an explanation, give them some time
They are probably very nervous, and regardless of the motivation, diapering is a very sensitive issue. Give them time and they will probably confide in you.
Step 9. Remember not to confuse infantilism with pedophilia
Even if they are sexually attracted to diapers, they love to behave like babies, or both, they are not pedophiles, they do not act illicitly and they are not harmful. You may think of them as eccentric, but harmless individuals. The biggest risk they might face is rejection from the people around them. This would be truly deleterious.
Step 10. Make a list of each of your feelings and concerns
They may worry that they are no longer loved, while you may worry that the diaper is somehow taking your place in their lives. Whatever your concerns are, make a list and address them. You will benefit from it.
Step 11. Avoid unrealistic and instinctive reactions
If you can't avoid them, at least be aware of them. For example, someone caught wearing a diaper may worry that they are no longer loved. You may be assailed by the same thought. Both of these situations are unlikely. You could ask to abandon this practice (which is not feasible, since the reasons, whether they are of a medical nature, whether they depend on a condition of regression to the infantile state, or from the fetishism for the diaper, are still authentic needs). They may ask you to participate, change them or something, which is unrealistic, unless the idea spontaneously appeals to you. No partner should feel compelled to do anything unwillingly, and this is definitely not the secret to a successful relationship.
Step 12. Based on your concerns, propose a set of rules that are fair and not burdensome for both sides
For example, if they want to wear a diaper, but you fear the judgment of the neighbors, establish the rule that they will only have to bring it into the house and when there are no other people. If you don't want them to take them to bed, but they would, try to make it a rule not to do it for now, and come back to it after a few months. Compromising is important, but care should be taken so that neither partner feels disadvantaged or treated unfairly, to avoid future problems.
Step 13. Try to understand that, regardless of the reasons, the need to wear the diaper lasts for a long time
The reasons of a clinical nature are almost always permanent, and infantilism and fetishism for diapers tend to last for a lifetime. Either way, this cannot be ignored and must be addressed as a long-term problem.
Advice
- Accepting yourself and having open communication strengthens the relationship. Use it as a way to get closer.
- Don't feel threatened as the diaper is not always a fetish object. It will never come between you and your relationship, fetish or not, and it could never take your place.
- There are ways to benefit from using each other's diapers, sexually and in other ways you want. Think of something new, exciting and use your imagination!
- Consult a specialist who can iron out some concerns. Avoid someone who proposes the only solution to avoid the use of diapers, because this alternative may work for a short time, but after the need for the diaper it would become a chronic unmet need.
Warnings
- First of all, remember that you still love each other, and don't let this problem interfere with your relationship.
- DO NOT try to prohibit the use of diapers or any other form of childhood regression. If it's an integral part of them, they can't get rid of these instincts. The prohibition would force them to do it behind your back or to endure an unmet need that, in the long run, will drive them away from you.
- Not all sites on the net offer reliable information on this topic. Consider the source. Also consider that what's right for a couple may not be right for you.
