You meet them at the supermarket or, perhaps, in the office, at school … or worse in the family! They are the dull ones. And, unfortunately, they are everywhere. That doesn't mean you have to voluntarily hang out with them or spend hours frustrated by their complete inability to be rational creatures capable of "grasping" a concept. You can't always ignore them, but you can find a less stressful way to deal with them. Like? By following the steps mentioned in this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Perspective
Step 1. Lower your standards
It is not easy but it is really important. One of the reasons why you constantly get frustrated with stupidity comes from your expectations: you expect everyone to be as smart as you, as your closest friends, or as the people you respect. Instead, as the saying goes, "it takes all kinds of people to make the world" and among these types there are also the dull! Remember that the "average" man will not live up to your expectations of how a person should think and act; so lower your standards.
If you don't expect people to be respectful and intelligent, they will pleasantly surprise you if they are
Step 2. Understand that they may not have had the same benefits as you
Some of the reasons that have allowed you to be a sharp person are: a good family, a great education and not having to take care of a family member, work or take on other responsibilities (which would have prevented you from spending time improving yourself. same). When a dull person causes you frustration, ask yourself if that person has had the same opportunities as you - you will likely find that they have not.
- Intelligence is not determined by education, family, wealth or love. In any case, each person's skills and knowledge are influenced by life's experiences and opportunities.
- Remembering to judge each person individually will make you feel less frustrated, as you will stop constantly asking yourself why they don't act like you would.
- Even if you were born with a fair amount of intelligence, it doesn't mean you earned it. You have no merit, just like a tall person didn't make himself tall. Stupidity can be frustrating, but you must neither pity nor rage on stupid people, nor do you have any obligation to them.
Step 3. Understand that you cannot change other people's minds
This is a very important aspect to remember before you get mixed up with dull people. You might think that reasonableness or facts always win and that, therefore, the fool will walk away thinking "hey, I never thought about that …". This is very difficult to happen: if a person is dull, it is very likely that he does not have the mental flexibility and the ability to change his mind.
- If you realize that no matter how reasonable and valid you are, you won't be able to convince a fool, you will feel much less frustrated.
- Your goal is not to get a dull person to agree with you - you just need to be able to stay calm while dealing with this person.
Step 4. Don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree
As Alber Einstein said: "Anyone can be a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid." So you should take into consideration that the person you are dealing with is not really dull. Or rather, it could be in one or two areas about which you thought it smart. The girl in your class who can't add could be a wonderful poet; the one who fails to spell the name of the coffee you ordered could be an outstanding musician. If you don't think there is only one way to be smart or stupid, you will begin to realize that people are often capable of more than you think.
Think about it: if people were judged on just one area of expertise, there might be skills you lack that should make you think you're not smart. And that's not true, right?
Step 5. Try to see situations from their point of view
Another way to change the approach with dull people is to look at the situation from their point of view. For sure you may think that there is only one way to judge gun control, or being a vegetarian, but before you get stiff on your own point, make sure you understand others' opinion and try to figure out if there is another one. valid perspective.
Knowing where a person comes from can also help you understand their worldview - if they grew up in a very conservative culture and you in a very progressive one, you will start from a different perspective on many aspects
Step 6. Arm yourself with knowledge
Knowledge is power, especially if you are dealing with people who don't have any. If you want to relate to dull people at best, you need to have a good foundation to motivate your ideas. Read as much as you can, listen to news broadcasts, watch and read the news, and make sure you have the right knowledge before discussing it. The more facts, statistics and opinions you know, the easier it will be for you to silence a fool.
Your goal is not necessarily to prove that you are right when you are talking to a stupid person. Simply, the more the person notices your authority, the less they will want to argue with you
Part 2 of 3: Be smart when you need it
Step 1. Avoid controversial topics
If you find yourself dealing with stupid people, avoid anything that can irritate them, make them angry, or push them into a crusade to prove you wrong. If you know that a person is pretty stupid and has equally stupid ideas, why bother talking to him about something serious that maybe matters to you? Stick to general talk ("Hi, how are you?"), Especially if you often find this person around and don't want to frustrate yourself with challenging speeches.
If you know that a person has stupid opinions on controversial issues and you would like to "make them understand", avoid falling into this temptation. It's not worth it - neither for you nor for your blood pressure
Step 2. Win them with kindness
If a person is being extremely obtuse, being kind is probably the last thing you want to do. And this is precisely why you should be as kind as possible instead. This behavior will destabilize the stupid person and there will be little left for them to do but be lovable in turn by stopping them from acting like an idiot. If you are rude, on the other hand, you will encourage obtuse behavior. Grit your teeth and be kind, no matter how bothering you, and the dull person will begin to put less effort into annoying you.
Remember that it is much easier to be nice and polite than to be rude and vulgar. Being vulgar negatively affects your mood and is a source of stress. Remember, then, that being kind is also a way to take care of your mental well-being
Step 3. In addition to avoiding controversial issues, don't start meaningless discussions
If the dull person raises a complex topic and exposes a particularly stupid idea, hold back the urge to argue and prove him wrong. Be polite, say something like "you are entitled to your opinion" or "interesting", without saying that you totally disagree. Then, change the subject or leave.
There is absolutely no reason to argue with a fool, even if you may think it will make you feel temporary relief
Step 4. Control your emotions
Fools are professionals at infuriating others. But, from now on, don't let them succeed - it's just useless. If you want to be the person who dominates the conversation, you need to stay calm - controlling emotions is a smart attitude. Otherwise, failing to keep control of your feelings, you would make a fool of yourself.
- Don't lose your patience. It can take longer for a dull person to grasp a concept. Don't get angry and don't get impatient right away: give it a chance.
- If you are getting angry about something this person said, simply repeat in your mind "this person is stupid, this person is stupid, this person is stupid" as often as necessary, until you realize that you don't need to worry about it. what this person is saying.
- If you get nervous, count down from 50, count your breaths, or apologize and go for a walk. Do whatever it takes to calm down before you see that person again - if you need to see them again.
- Don't give a dull person the satisfaction of knowing that he has so much power over you. If he realizes that he has so much influence on your emotions, he will feel smarter than you.
Step 5. Ask dull people to back up their views with facts
If you feel really frustrated about a fool, make him stop talking by asking him to detail his idea with facts. This person probably has a lot of silly ideas that he cannot support. By asking him to do this, you may be preventing him from continuing the conversation. Here are some polite phrases to interrupt the conversation:
- "Oh, really? Where did you read that?".
- "Are your ideas based on the article that appeared in (name of the newspaper) last week? Because to tell the truth, it claimed the opposite …".
- "Interesting. Do you know what percentage of people are actually doing this?"
- "Interesting that you have these opinions on this location. How long have you been there? You must have lived there for a long time to have so much security.".
Step 6. If there is no better option, just ignore them
While ignoring people is quite rude and immature, there are some cases where it is the best option. For example, if you're in a group and don't want to leave your social interactions because of a fool, you might act as if he isn't there or don't respond to his comments. It could happen that, if his opinions are really dull, someone steps in to point it out or, even better, that others ignore him too.
- If this person addresses you with a silly comment, just smile and act as if they've said something nice instead of getting into the conversation.
- While ignoring a dull person isn't the best solution, it's a great way to keep them from talking to you.
Step 7. Get away as soon as you can
Getting away when possible is a great option. Of course, you can't just walk away from a stupid employer, unless you want to jeopardize your job, but you can do it if the stupid person is talking to you in a supermarket, or leave a place where a jerk tries to annoy you. Leaving is also a great way to stay calm.
Just say "sorry, but I really have to go" if the person is reasonable, or leave without saying anything, especially if it makes no sense to argue
Part 3 of 3: Don't Get Involved
Step 1. Don't get mad
Sometimes it's nearly impossible not to take something really stupid personally, especially if the purpose was to hurt you. However, if you really want to deal with a blunt in the best possible way, you don't have to let him hit you so hard. If you take things personally and feel hurt, you are giving him a power that you don't have to give him. Remember that these people are stupid and their opinions don't have to interest you.
Your self-esteem cannot be related to the opinion that someone whose intelligence you do not respect has of you. Remember this next time you leave a dull person the chance to make you feel uncomfortable
Step 2. Recognize their strengths (if any)
Try to be positive and give the stupid person the benefit of the doubt - it's a great tactic to keep them from getting emotionally involved. Your boss may not be a good communicator, but think about the other good things he has done for the company. Maybe your second cousin is a freak and gives out your personal information in public, but she's a great person trying to make you feel better when you've had a horrible day.
Remember that many "dull" people also have positive qualities. This is a great thing to remember if you don't want to lose your temper when you have fools around, especially if it's someone you have to see often, like a classmate or co-worker
Step 3. Don't complain about someone's stupidity to other people
Maybe your co-worker said something stupid enough to make you want to tell your friends. You might even think about emailing or texting several people, with all the details to explain how stupid this person is. But what good would you get? They would probably all agree with you, but ultimately this action would only make you feel more irritated, angry, frustrated and annoyed.
- And even worse, it will give the dull person more power. If you know this person is stupid and annoying, you don't want to spend so much of your precious time worrying about what they said, do you?
- If it really pissed you off, you can talk to a close friend about it, but don't let it obsess you or ruin your day.
Step 4. Be respectful whenever you can
It may seem impossible dealing with an absolute idiot, but this is precisely why you should be as respectful as possible with a person who is completely stupid. If you have to deal with him, treat him as if he were the Queen of England or the administrator of your company. Treating this person as a human being who deserves respect is the most dignified way to act and will encourage the person to behave in a more dignified way.
Resist your first impulse. You've certainly thought about the perfect answer, or the brightest comment, but remember that, before you even put it into practice, it won't get you anywhere
Step 5. Feel grateful for all smart people (including you
) that are in your life. Dealing with fools frequently should make you feel even more grateful for the calm, rationality, and intelligence of other people close to you. If dull people constantly make you angry, it's probably because you have a group of friends and family that have led you to have a high standard of other people's intelligence.
Instead of getting frustrated by the dull person talking to you, remember that you are lucky to have other important and intelligent people, such as a partner, a best friend, a mother, a group of co-workers or friends. This will make you appreciate the good fortune of having positive people in your life rather than letting these dull ones take part of your energy and your time
Advice
- If necessary, move away from this person.
- Don't get too involved in the conversation - rarely speak for other dull people to understand.
- Always keep calm.
Warnings
- Don't be vulgar and offensive. They may not be able to understand what they are doing wrong.
- Don't threaten to throttle them. If they are young, they will not understand that you are joking and may get very angry or even call the police!
